Teenager help again please.

[Dontgiveamonkeys1350]

You guys made me feel okay about taking his phone away at night. So I wanted to ask another question.

At what age did u stop waking them up... making their breakfast and making their lunch.
I spend an hour each morning trying to get him out of bed. Getting him down stairs for breakfast and getting him out the door.

He will be 15 this xmas.

I’m still making his breakfast becuaee if this. Becuaee I don’t think kids should go out the door without food in their stomachs.

But I’m fed up of the moaning and groaning.
And the constant waking him up

I make his lunch then I throw half a way as he doesn’t eat it.

I’m tired of the mornings if I’m honest. I have to go to work as well. And get ready. Am I being hard thinking he should do this himself. Or should I still be doing it.

No, you shouldn't.

An hour every morning is nuts.

What consequences are there in place for him not doing it?

Teenagers have a later running body clock than kids or adults - hence the sleep in but up to 4am mentality.
Unfortunately, the world has cottoned on to this enough and isn't likely to adapt.
I was a nightmare to get out of bed until after my GCSE years. Until we had DS, 11am sleep ins were the norm on non-work days.

My advice: remember that 7am to a teen is like 3am to an adult, but he needs to take responsibility for himself. Get him to set alarm but only wake him if it gets to the point where it's interfering with your life. And if he sleeps past breakfast, he can grab a hobnob on the way out the door; he's not going to starve.

What time is he going to sleep? I'm guessing like us teenagers are morning or evening people - and my two, like us, were morning kids and both up and bouncing of the walls (thankfully) by 7. Because of this they made their own breakfast.

They both took "lunch money" by this age - nice and easy as it was just a pot of change and they took what they needed. No idea what they ate though! I suspect one was good and the other pretty bad, but dinner and breakfast were always healthy.

Once they went to college both teens cooked dinner too on the days they were off! They enjoyed it as they got to choose what they made. With the youngest we got into Gousto at that point so he picked his meals from the recipes and now he lives away and caters for himself and he is really experimental, so it pays off. Useful for when they went to Uni etc too.

Trying to get him up for an hour ? It's time you stopped. My 13 and 10 DC set their own alarms and get up themselves, get dressed. The 13 yr old gets her own breakfast and grabs food to take for lunch. I don't do anything for her besides making sure her clothes are available.

The 10 yr old, I call him and get his breakfast , and pack his lunch. But it's up to him to pack his bag, get dressed, brush his teeth etc.

To be still doing everything for him at 15, you are setting yourself up to be still doing it when he is an adult.

My 11 year old gets herself up, dressed, does her own breakfast and packed lunch when she needs it.
Stop doing it for him.

Thanks. It has been something I have wanted to change for ages. But my husband I do disagree on certain things. I’m going to show him ur answers. Thanks

I'd have a talk with him saying that I'd realised I was doing him a disservice by not treating him in an age-appropriate way, and that I needed to change my behaviour. Assuming he has an alarm clock, warn him the night before that you're not going to be getting him up any more, suggest that he gets himself as ready as possible the night before, and then leave him to it so he can find out for himself what happens if he's late. But recognising how hard it is to change habits and how difficult it is for teens to get up, I think I'd help him by making sure there was food he could easily grab and eat on the go.

Mine buys food at school.
He gets up when his alarm goes off.
I set out a bowl and spoon and he helps himself to cereal. (I don’t want him in the kitchen when I’m feeding the dog!)
Get him a decent alarm or two! He gets his phone when he’s up, dressed, breakfasted etc.

Let him be late, consequences and all that, he will soon learn

I still wake my 15 year old up but he gets up within 10 minutes of me waking him at 7am as he has to be out of the house by just gone 8am. Are you waking your son really early if he can still be in bed an hour after you wake him and get to school on time ? Or is he late for school ? I always make breakfast for both my kids on school mornings, they sometimes make their own in the holidays and weekends. My 15 year buys lunch at school but I still make packed lunch for my 9 year old. I am happy to do it for them as they have a busy day ahead and work hard at school. They appreciate what I do for them and don't really moan so that makes it easier I suppose.

Year 7, she was 11, just.
From year 8 I stopped making her lunches and washing her clothes.
HTH

I have a ds who is a similar age. He's done his own dinners since year four, made his own breakfast since about then too. I sometimes make a cooked breakfast when I'm not in work.

He gets himself up as often me and DP have left for work by seven when he gets up.

I have been and bought a normal alarm clock. So his phone can stay in the hallway.

Again thanks for ur replies. I knew this was barmy. But just needed some reassurance that I was not going mad and it was okay to do.

He’s not going to be happy

Maybe i'm soft but my DC are almost 17 and 13 and i still wake them up each morning. Left to her own devices DD wouldn't wake up until lunchtime despite going to bed at 9.30pm.

They make their own breakfast but i'll eat with them. On good days I even get a little light conversation

I know being a teenager is hard, and I am someone who loves her sleep! But I had to get myself up and ready for school from before I was in year 7 (used to get the bus to school so couldn't be late)
When I was in year 7 I missed the bus a few times to go to comp so my mum made me change to a school that was 15 mins walk away! She didn't pander and make excuses for me. She didn't make me breakfast and she certainly didn't make my lunch. If I wanted a packed lunch I made it myself. People make far too many excuses for teenagers nowadays and mollycoddle them. If I was late for school I had a row, that was a natural consequence. Same with homework. He needs to find out the hard way that mummy can't do it all for him anymore. I'm sure being late a few times and being in trouble will be enough for him to get his arse into gear in the mornings. Sorry if it sounds harsh and its not a criticism of you, but he needs to learn to start looking after himself. He could be working in a couple of years and he needs to take responsibility for himself.

My son is defiantly a night owl. He goes to bed at 11. But is always still awake past midnight. He is not good in the morning. But it’s right. I’m not teachin him anything by doing it for him. We live in a little village and the school bus comes for him. If he is late he then can’t walk to school so he has to catch it.

I am just fed up with the mornings. I thought things would be getting a bit better and me being less hands on with stuff like this. My fault which I will now fix.

It's tough though isn't it? Knowing what's for the best all the time, so don't beat yourself up! My 7 and 9 years olds get themselves up, dressed, breakfast, teeth, bags packed etc in their own, but only really because it never really occured to me to do it for them beyond when they were really little. My mum was very hands off, and never would have any of those things for me, so it really never even entered my head. He'll get the hang of it pretty quick!

I started giving my sons money for lunch at that age, they also knew that they could make and take a sandwich and use the money for other things if they liked, one always made a sandwich the other bought lunch. I was hoping to do the same for Dd, but her school uses parentpay, so if I give her cash she can't buy lunch with it. So muggins here makes her a packed lunch daily. She tried school lunches but decided she prefered what I sent. She has an alarm clock, and ignores it, I wake her and leave her too it. Trouble is she catches a school bus, and if she misses that there is no public bus that goes to her school so I'd have to get showed and dressed to drop her off.

Fencing...you stopped washing her clothes in Year 7? Seriously? 11 year olds are still children.

DS1 is 13 and in Year 9. I wake him up every morning and make him breakfast (usually scrambled eggs on toast or a bacon roll). He doesn't get lunch at school until 1.30pm and it's a long day otherwise.

He is fairly self sufficient apart from that and can cook basic meals for himself, does his homework without nagging so in my eyes I am still the parent and I want to do this for him.

I actually find it quite sad that as soon as they hit teenage years that people like fencing seem to think they don't need looking after anymore. In fact in lots of ways DS1 needs me more now than ever.

My mum was still making me breakfast when I was working and still lived at home...I was perfectly able to do it but she liked doing it for me. I am a fully functioning adult with a DH, 2 DS and a job so it hasn't done me any harm.

We talked about it when he came home from school. . It didn’t go well. But I’m not backing down.

@ihearttc I think there's a difference between waking someone up and making them breakfast because it's part of a nice morning routine (and they respond by getting out of bed and coming to eat it), as you're describing with your DS1, vs spending an hour trying to drag someone out of bed and get them fed, at a huge cost to your own morning, because they refuse to participate.

It's the old independence vs interdependence thing – they don't have to do it all themselves, but they do have to show up

@ladybee28. Yes. I have said to him. If your up and want me to shove something in the toaster for u it out some sausages on that’s fine.

But I’m up early to wake him up. I’m up early to make his breakfast which he moans about having to get up for and doesn’t say thankyou. Also to make a lunch that he moans at.

No more. I have put my foot down and have spoken to my husband who is now on the same page with me.

I have also told him that it is not my responsibility to tell him he needs at shower at the age of 15. Surely he should just have a shower????????

I’m being strong. And ignoring the moaning. I will just have to let him go to school hungry for a while.

Good for you, stay strong. It will set him up so much better for adulthood.

Mine are only 11,9 and 6 but they all make their own breakfast and packed lunches. 6yr old sometimes need a little help with sandwich making but generally gives it a good go. They often do their own lunch at weekends too if they don't fancy what I suggest.

I get the 11yr old up most days as she has to catch the bus at 7.30 and is not a morning person, it only takes 5 mins though. Younger 2 get up at stupid o clock though of course that is likely to change as they get older.

I have to tell them all to have a bath/shower.

My son is 13 and is in bed with lights out before 10. He’s probably shattered if he’s up till after midnight. He sets an alarm for the morning but I always give him a wee shout just after 7. He makes his own breakfast. I wouldn’t have time in the morning to be trying to get him up for an hour, I leave the house before 7 for work.

I have a 16 year-old DS, I still do knock on his door in the morning but he is now generally up and conscious already, but this is quite recent (last month maybe?) until then it would take his six (yes, six) alarms and sometimes three calls to wake him.

But breakfast has been his own responsibility since he became a teen - generally toast, croissants, something quick. The only exception was during GCSEs when I made breakfast for him. Now, if he has a later start at college, he will make himself a cooked breakfast.