Bedrooms (2) Kids (3) Ideas please

[jjemimapuddleduck]

I've been doing a lot of future planning over the last few days and now think we can afford to move to a decent sized house in 2.5 years (summer 2021). We currently live in a 2 bedroom flat and there are 5 of us - DH, I & 3 kids. At the moment, my DD11 and DS9 share a room and DD23m is in with us. I really need to split up eldest DD and DS as I think DD especially needs some privacy.

I'm a bit stuck. Even in the best case scenario, no-one is going to lend us enough money to buy a 3 or 4 bed property until we have a bit more equity in the property (took out a 125% Northern Rock mortgage suicide loan 13 years ago), we've paid some other debt down, and we will need some savings behind us for solicitor and moving costs so moving now is not an option.

Waiting 2.5yrs to move means we could afford a bigger property and a 4 bed may be in reach. Obviously I am desperate to move. We are cramped and I'm miserable but waiting and being patient seems to be our only option. However, in the interim period, do we...

• Sit tight and put up with the chaos and try to explain to the kids the longer term plan (to be fair they have never known different and don't often moan but I feel they deserve their own space & privacy)
• DH and I move into the living room and get a good sofabed and sleep there for the next couple of years leaving 2 bedrooms for the kids. This is my preferred option but worry that, shamefully, I'll feel resentful of the kids.
• Sell up and move to rented. This isn't as easy an option as it sounds as renting costs much more per month than a mortgage would for a similar sized property (so our ability to pay down debts and get back on the property ladder is compromised) and we'd also need a large deposit

Moving areas is not an option. We are happy and settled here (albeit cramped), kids are happy at school and DH and I have a good work/life balance.

We can't reconfigure the rooms, our current property is old, walls are very thick and the rooms aren't big enough for sectioning off.

Is there a best case scenario? Will I go slowly mad if my can be a bit entitled 11 year old DD is lounging about in my bedroom and I have even less space than I have now?

Please please no mean comments. I am highly aware of how crap my situation is and how I can't provide properly for my children.

In your position I would move into the living room and split the children. I think the ages they are warrant it now and it's only for a few years.

Could you get something like this
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Vertical-Wall-Bed-Murphy-Bed-Fold-down-Bed-Hidden-Bed-Space-Saving-Bed-/272173257164

I had one in a studio flat once and it was great. There are straps which keep the bedding in place so at night you just need to fold it down and your bed is made.

I would be reluctant to come off the property ladder in case property prices rise and you find yourself unable to get back on.

You are absolutely providing for your children so don't worry about that.

I completely understand. We have small 3 bed house with lounge kitchen and bathroom. We have 5 kids. Eldest dd21 is at uni, so when she’s home for hols, she sleeps on sofa and is quite happy with this. 2 teens each have own room. Dh & I share with ds3 and dd7 months. It’s not ideal but everyone seems happy. We just pray they all go to uni so we will finally have a bit more space
I’m guessing you don’t have a dining room or a garage, maybe a shed? I was thinking you could pop a desk and chair with heater there etc for the 11 year old to have private space. We don’t have that by the way. Or, you could move dd 11 downstairs into sofa bed, depending on your bed time routine. After tea about 8 ish dh & I go up and settle babies down and watch tv (what we want to watch!) It’s bliss.
Last year his dd14 stayed with us also for 3 months. She had the sofa and was quite happy there. We put a set of drawers and a mirror for her. The sofa bed will last longer without 2 adults in it! It’s worth discussing with her as an idea. If she’s unhappy, then I’d move downstairs.
At the end of the day our kids love where we live and schools college etc so wouldn’t want to move area.
Years ago siblings used to share beds! We always worry our children are hard done by. I know times have changed but you’re doing your best. Kids can be quite surprising sometimes. POS bribe maybe too? Xxx

Could you curtain off the beds/areas in DD11 & DS9's room, so they can have some privacy. A thin fabric that lets light through but you can't fully see through might be useful. Thinner than a wall.

You can get cables with clips on for fabric, so doesn't have to be a big DIY job, and can easily be taken down.

We've put our kids in the master bedroom to give them more room (and to keep the toys in there rather than the lounge) and DH and I are squeezed in the second bedroom. We've had to put out of season clothes in the attic as we only have a small wardrobe now!) Not sure on your room sizes but maybe consider giving DD & DS the bigger room if you and the baby will fit in the smaller one. It might help with sectioning off if there's more space to play with??

Could you do something similar to this vlog:

except turn one room into two rooms.

Thanks everyone.

I don't want to do anything structural or that might decrease our already precarious house value, but thanks for the suggestion!

I will look into the space saving beds, thank you!

Any other suggestions or (kind) comments welcome...

I meant to say that both our bedrooms are roughly the same size.

Could you rent it out and move to a rented house?

Yes that's definitely an option, thank you!

Is converting the attic or a garage that is attached to your house possible?

I think I would try to split the elder dc's room with a screen or fabric.

I think moving to a larger rental property until at least one of the dc leaves home needs to be seriously thought about, as the situation sounds very difficult.

Yes it is difficult, hence trying to think of workable solutions.

We don't have an attic (there is a flat upstairs owned by someone else) and our garden is not attached to our house, it is over a shared walkway. We don't have a garage.

The fact there's an end in sight does make a big difference, whether you go with explaining it to the children or moving out to the lounge.

Normally I'd be tempted to move to the lounge but I'm not so sure in this case. If you do that, one of the bigger ones will still have to share with the little one. And you should trust your instincts on how you'd feel about it. Also I think parents in lounge is fine when children are little, but your 11 year old is going to be increasingly around into the evening and you will feel all the more encroached on.

Are you sure no sort of room divider will work? IKEA hackers has loads of freestanding ideas, eg 2 tall slim units with a curtain strung between. Alternatively get good bunk beds which do give them both a private space in bed. Maybe a high sleeper for DD with a separate bed at right angles under for DS so they can't feel the other rolling over etc, to make them feel more separate, or curtains round.

Honestly OP please put the guilt aside. They are fine. Literally millions of people in this country have grown up sharing bedrooms. If you can buy a 4 bed in a couple of years, they are lucky children, but if not it is OK. Most people never live in a 4 bed house. A quick google says only 20% of the housing stock in this country has 4 or more bedrooms (2010 data).

Thank you. I'll draw a diagram of the kids' bedroom later. My two eldest are currently in bunk beds, really good quality John Lewis ones that we got second hand and they seem really solid.

I think it's all bothering me so much this week as we have acquaintances talking about moving to a £470k+ 5 bedroom property and I feel sick with jealousy. I'm also avoiding everyone who seems to have their lives really sorted as I feel like such a big messy failure.

Can you rent your 2 bed out and move into a rented 3 bed for a couple of years?

That way, although you will he paying a little extra every month in rent your place is still increasing in value/ will still have equity when you're in a better position to buy a larger property?

Sorry, see that's already been suggested

Apologies if this isn't an option for you, but round by us there are rafts of shared equity houses being built.
I haven't looked in any great detail at the options but would they perhaps allow you to move earlier, rather than making the best out of what sounds an almost impossible situation? I believe (though I definitely wouldn't take my word for it!) that you have the option to buy further chunks of your property over time, so eventually you could own it outright.

I would move into the living room so that the older 2 can be separated. I think 11 year old with her own room, but all of your stuff in there and then the younger two sharing. I’ve seen some rooms on Pinterest where bunk beds go in the middle of the room as the divider and then each child has a side of the room to them selves.

A fancy example
nonagon.style/bed-bunk-divider-childrens-bedroom-space-saver/

The living room as your bedroom can work - but you have to be very clever and organised. It's how most of my family in Poland used to live in apartment blocks.
Firstly you need a sofa that is up to the job - designed for day in/day out sleeping. Preferably one that has storage for your duvet, pillows and sheets. While they are often comfy beds you will probably need nice squishy cushions and throws to make them cosy as a sofa.
Ground rules about time when it becomes your space and is a bedroom so TV watching stops. This can only really work if you and DH have similar nighttime habits and also want to watch tv/turn off/go to sleep.
It's not ideal and there might be an outlay on furniture but probably a safer option than buying to early/renting.
You need to be strong to do it in yourselves and have confidence if your family/friends/mums net criticise or take the piss...
It's what i would do in your situation ...

Thanks everyone. I'm really grateful for all the ideas.

I've attached a very basic drawing of the kids' bedroom. Blue is bunk bed, green is long radiator (sloped wall), orange is bookcase (obviously this can be moved, not sure why I included it!), red is sash & case window and yellow is double fitted wardrobes.

Was the baby a surprise baby?

5 people 2 bedrooms is a lot of people, especially with the age gap and different sexes.

Waiting as you are cramped for 2.5 more years will be quite a long time!

Can you divide the larger bedroom for the two older kids and have the little one in the small bedroom, with your wardrobes and ‘stuff’. And you sleep in the lounge?

Would a larger shared equity property be an option now?

Or renting?

That is a fancy example but that room is totally wide enough to partition into two swim child rooms!

I’m referring to the link Joinourclub posted

A bit of a plan from left field.

Put a high sleeper in the living room. This is the family living room until 7.30 or 8.00pm, then it is your dd's bedroom. Give her an hour or so before she has to be in bed.

Depending on the size and shape of the room you can get them with wardrobe and desk space underneath or you might need your sofa be underneath.