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Original poster

Ex doesn't want kids around new bf, What rights do i have?

46 replies

louiseod92 · 06/11/2018 20:13

Split from my ex 3 years ago, hes moved on and has a new baby. Been with new bf for 2 years, only been properly introduced to my kids about 6/7 months ago.

My ex introduced his gf to the kids very early so took me a while to let them meet my new bf. My ex has never been fond of him and has said he doesn't want him around them.

My kids and new bf get on like a house on fire. They love him and love spending time with him, always asking to see him.
Shit has hit the fan with my ex cause of this and tried to keep my kids from me after his weekend with them.

Lawyers are now involved, but i just wanted to know what rights i have against him about who i have around my kids? Can he do anything without some sort of court order if i was to have my new bf around them even though hes told me no?

I never had a proper meeting with my lawyer so not all my questions were answered. the ball is rolling but looking for advice in the meantime.

My kids miss him and he misses them, i dont want the kids missing out but don't know what rights he has against me if he doesn't actually have anything?

Thanks

OP posts:

CallMePea · 06/11/2018 20:15

Are you in the UK? If so, he has no say in who you introduce the children to. Unless there are safeguarding issues.

Mumteedum · 06/11/2018 20:18

He doesn't get to decide unless ex is claiming your bf is a risk to kids. Same as you didn't get a say in him introducing his gf.

I have an court order that spells put ex must not introduce casual partners but that is because of specific issue that was raised in court.

Notacluewhatthisis · 06/11/2018 20:22

He doesn't get a say. I know this because stbexh threatened me with it.

Despite him living with his new girlfriend of 5 months.

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Family law Relationship problems

Nicknacky · 06/11/2018 20:29

Is it this particular boyfriend he has an issue with or boyfriends in general?

Santaispolishinghissleigh · 06/11/2018 20:30

He is an arse. Tell him to jog on.
He will be laughed at in court.

Original poster

louiseod92 · 06/11/2018 20:40

This has been my first official bf but had problems before with him not liking who I'm hanging about with.

Theres been a few issues with stuff my ex has seen on my new bfs social media. I blocked him so he would check daily on my new mans page to see what i was up to.

He's using stuff that hes done/said online when he hasn't been with me/kids against me for him being a bad guy.

New bf has no responsibilities etc so can really do what he wants, obviously i wojld never have any harm come around my kids. Ex seems to think drunk/drugs are involved around them when i would never do that myself.

I got out and enjoy myself at the weekends when the kids are with my ex, and my "lifestyle" isnt uoto my exs standard apparently and I'm a terrible mum who has brought a bad influence into my kids lives.

One rule for him and another for me! I just wondered if he found out he was with me and the girls and he phoned the police, obviously theres no real danger, could they do anything or get anyone else involved?

Its killing me not being able to have them about each other, and its getting to them to! I'm only thinking of my kids as they ask for him alot.

Thanks alot guys, put my head at ease defo x

OP posts:

SilverDoe · 06/11/2018 20:48

Is your boyfriend involved with drugs or heavy drinking? Just wondering because it’s horrible if he’s interfering to be controlling but does he have genuine concerns?

Original poster

louiseod92 · 06/11/2018 21:30

Im not going to lie he is yes, He's a DJ and is involved in the rave scene. He likes to enjoy hinself at the weekend and does post things on facebook. I agree there are genuine concerns from my ex but he wont even take my word that i would never have that around my kids. I like to have a drink at the weekend and let my hair down, but only when thw kids are at their dads and i know they are safe.

I would never have that around my kids, but what my bf does any other time is really up to him. My ex just doesn't trust me and can't take my word that hes a decent guy and the fact i wouldnt let him do stuff like that round the kids.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 06/11/2018 21:35

If you say that your ex has genuine concerns then why are you with this guy?

Original poster

louiseod92 · 06/11/2018 21:47

I can see his point of view yes but he should be taking my word over everyone else thats nothing to do with it. Cause that's his concerns which i dont agree with. I know my man and hes never met him, all hes heard is hearsay and stuff hes wrote on social media. Hes not a danger to me or they kids. So why would i no be wit him?

OP posts:

BitchQueen90 · 06/11/2018 21:48

To be honest I'd be concerned if my ex husband was going out with somebody who took recreational drugs and posted about it on Facebook. I wouldn't want somebody like that around my child.

I get what you're saying about it being his life but what if you get serious with him and wanted to live together in the future? Taking drugs at weekends doesn't really mesh well with family life and it's not exactly a good role model for children.

Maelstrop · 06/11/2018 21:49

Your ex cannot dictate who is around your kids when they’re with you. However, if he has now involved lawyers, he might have a bit of sway if it goes to court. Would he really want full custody, tho? Unless your bf is using in front of your kids, it’s highly unlikely that a judge will award full cuts when you’ve (presumably) been primary carer/parent with majority residence.

Maelstrop · 06/11/2018 21:50

Ps your bf’s an idiot if he’s posting about using drugs on social media.

lunar1 · 06/11/2018 21:51

I'd involve lawyers too if I thought it would stop a drug user being around my children.

Nicknacky · 06/11/2018 21:51

So you would have no issues if your ex’s girlfriend was behaving like your boyfriend?

Honestly?

SillySallySingsSongs · 06/11/2018 21:53

I would have concerns too.

TwistedStitch · 06/11/2018 21:56

Why should he take your word for it? You have brought a drug user into your kids lives, so maybe he doesn't trust your judgement anymore. I have no idea what a court would say but he is fully entitled to seek legal advice about this, I'd do the same in his shoes.

Thebluedog · 06/11/2018 21:57

I was in your corner op, and just about to say you ex has got fuck all say in it, however now you’ve mentioned drugs I’d be reacting the same as your ex. Id not be happy if my ex’s gf was a drug user, even if he said she never did it in front of the dc and it was only recreational. If not want her to have any involvement with the dc

Original poster

louiseod92 · 06/11/2018 22:22

It was me who went to the lawyer first cause he tried to keep the kids from you. I get as soon as i mentioned drugs everyones going at it, but this all started because he didn't like him. My bf is not a drug addict or alcoholic. He had a drink at the weekends and previously been involved with drugs. But hasn't everyone tried it in their life at least once. My ex isn't mr perfect either when he would take drugs when he was with me.

Is he thought there was any real threat towards my kids he would have done it a long time ago. The only reason he held the kids from me was cause my oldest had said he had been down and he never liked it. Just because i never mentioned he was staying with me a couple of nights.

This is the guy who introduced his gf 2 days after telling me they were "talking". Hes never been happy with boys i associate myself with cause he doesn't want them around the kids. He also has another child that he doesn't see for the very same reason. The baby muma doesnt like his new gf and doesn't want her around the baby, he chose the gf and no doesn't see the child.

I agreed to tell my kids about their sister even though i thought it was a bad idea, for the fact now they dont see her. filling their head with an unstable family unit and am the bad one?

OP posts:

SuperSuperSuper · 06/11/2018 22:23

OP if this escalates legally, and it becomes clear to the authorities that your boyfriend is a drug abuser (your ex may have taken screenshots of his Facebook updates as proof) you may be in a vulnerable position, and social services may get involved.

Nicknacky · 06/11/2018 22:28

I feel so sorry for all these kids who are in this shitstorm and drama.

Op, find a man that doesn’t take drugs. It’s not difficult to do.

SillySallySingsSongs · 06/11/2018 22:29

But hasn't everyone tried it in their life at least once.

BitchQueen90 · 06/11/2018 22:31

No, I have never taken drugs.

So you have gone from one drug user to another? Do you really think that's a good example to be setting to your children? It's immature irresponsible behaviour.

Your ex sounds like an idiot. But you all sound really childish to be honest.

lastqueenofscotland · 06/11/2018 22:34

I have tried drugs in the past but I am not a user.
I am totally on the side of your ex

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 06/11/2018 22:36

Do you take recreational drugs OP?

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