This is just snobbery right?

[InferiorSuperior]

Out of 4 siblings we have
3 homeowners with savings etc
1 in LA housing no savings

CONSTANT remarks about it. Especially how ultimately it means I’m a drain. Because of having no savings or owning a house my care home fees will one day be free because I haven’t provided for my own old age .....
Comments about inheritance tax etc and how it penalises those who had saved to buy etc
I’m fed up of it. It’s snobbery isn’t it ?

Are they actually saying 'you are a drain' it have you inferred that?

I agree with Florence.
Ask them how they think you could get yourself into a better situation and what they will do to help you.

Be prepared it may mean “dump the chump” and get an education.

I don't see how that sibling would be a drain on the others, unless they ask the family for money and act irresponsibly with it.

There are a couple of members of my family who are always skint and asking for loans that they never pay back. And then piss it away on going out, buying daft things and making poor decisions.

Presumably they mean a drain on society rather than specifically a drain on the family.

I would imagine as it’ll be the taxes they’re paying that will contribute to their siblings housing/retirement etc?

Why would she be a drain on society?!

It’s a bit of an emotional drain though to be always worried about your siblings lack of resources. Few mothers would sleep well knowing one of her children is in a more challenging situation than the others. As the saying goes, a mom is only as happy as her saddest child. Yes even if the child is an adult.

If I was a sister I’d be helping. I believe that a healthy family includes my siblings. So I’d be babysitting for free, invites to Sunday supper, interest free loans, educational research and support to improve her situation. Only in specific circumstances is renting acceptable in our family.
Maybe that the answer, ask them how they would help you get out if your rut (rental and debt) what skill set should you focus on to improve your work/income.
Raise the bar for your child.

I'm curious what circumstances will your family allow other family to rent?

Only in specific circumstances is renting acceptable in our family

Acceptable? WTF?

Students can rent, people moving about for work, newly separated. Lots of good reasons for short term renting. Certainly not a long term plan.

"Why would she be a drain on society?!" I have no idea, presumably her family could explain if that's what they meant.

I did say but dh pays taxes too he may not earn as much but he still works and pays taxes
Yes she meant in general that we are a drain on society

Because of the fact we don’t own a home that could one day pay for care if needed

Who will wipe their arses when they are in their funded care homes?

Wtf? 🤣 tell them the chances are you’ll be one of the majority of people who don’t end up in institutionalised care.

Sadly people who live in poverty die younger. Lack of education also shortens your life.

I don’t feel I live in ‘poverty’ and although I didn’t like school or go for 3/4 years I still got some qualifications
We are doing ok so these comments have made me take a step back I think and look at my life

Does lack of education really shorten your life ??

Only in specific circumstances is renting acceptable in our family

Florence you sound like an insufferable snob. As for your invitations to Sunday supper and doing "educational research" for a grown woman, how patronising! I'm pretty sure I'd tell you where you could stick your help.

That sounds positive. Now that your older and more mature is there a topic or skill that interests you?

Something like 60% of older people living in poverty are homeowners, and only about 15% of people ever end up in care homes (lots of us will die before needing one) according to Age UK.

It sounds as though youre a scapegoat - has a sibling planted the idea there's no pount you inheriting if you'll use your inheritance to pay off debt? That's an odd attitude for a parent to have to a child. Those who have, shall receive [more] ...

Why do your parent and siblings know so much about your finances (debt)...?

I had confided in one sibling who works in finances for advice. Then everyone knew ...
It’s getting paid back and things are getting better in that area so it’s not the big deal it’s been made out to be by my mother

That’s excellent. Although I’d remind the sib about confidentiality.

If somebody repeatedly brought up my income and lack of home ownership I imagine I would feel as you do OP. I also would choose to spend less time with them.