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Original poster

Do you feel like you've ever been the love of someone's life?

78 replies

Fivehundredchildren · 04/11/2018 20:43

For the record I don't Sad
I don't know if this is the reality of my situation though or if it comes from feeling, not exactly unloved, but definitely not 'fully and completely' loved by my parents. I think I'm having a realisation that maybe I'm not unloved, I'm just shit at spotting and accepting it.
Do you feel like you are, are have been, the absolute love of someone's life?

OP posts:
cantfindname · 05/11/2018 06:16

Nat6999 Sun 04-Nov-18 22:38:59
My late DP & I were the love of each other's lives, from day one we both knew that we didn't want anyone else, even when we argued it was because we loved each other so much. We tried splitting up several times but couldn't live without each other, we were just miserable apart, we both knew what the other was thinking, could answer each other's questions without being asked, we were almost like twins, despite there being 14 years between us.

When my DP died, a massive part of me died with him, I'm not half the person I was when I was with him, I know I'll never find anyone who will love me like he did & I'll never love anyone like I loved him*

I could have written this. We didn't meet until we were both nearly 50 and there was just 6 months between us. We had 17 amazing years and totally adored each other. Never a day went by without him telling me how much he loved me.. we hugged often and (yes I know this sounds a bit OTT) we often held hands when sitting watching TV.

I lost him this May and the gap in my life is agonising and unrepairable. But for all the pain our love was the most wonderful thing in my life and I am so grateful for having experienced it.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/11/2018 07:02

"I think you are mixing the two types of love - the love between parents and their children, as opposed to the romantic love felt between partners. "

I definitely think that some parents' love for their children is as strong as romantic love, different of course, but not necessarily weaker. You hear of children being the candle of their parent's eye, of parents who suffer empty nest syndrome or who call and visit their adult children or want them to call and visit a lot. There are people who say the death of a child is the worst thing that can ever happen to someone.

I think OP is intelligent enough to know the difference between romantic and familial love. There are some families where the parents are too focused on each other, which is what she's talking about.

Original poster
Fivehundredchildren · 05/11/2018 19:37

Thank you Gwen that is exactly what I meant!

I absolutely know those loves are very different as an adult, but I do think it's very hard to see that as a child- all I saw was the enormous depth of feeling that the 2 most important people in my life had for each other and not for me.

I suspect this feeling of being 'unlovable' goes a long way to explaining why I married the first person who asked me (I couldn't believe anyone would want to!) and why I have made such appalling relationship choices Blush

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 05/11/2018 19:42

Yes I think I was, and I fucked it up and ruined it.

My ex once confided me that before he met me, he used to cuddle his pillow because he was so lonely, and that he hadn't needed to do that since.

He also told me I was the first woman who had ever made him think he could marry again, after a disastrous marriage/divorce at a very early age which had put him off it for life.

Yep. Fucked it right up. I could kick myself if I wasn't already beating myself to a pulp over it.

ShotsFired · 05/11/2018 19:47

But having read the full thread now, I can say I was the love of several extremely traumatised cats lives, when I fostered them. Seeing them transform under my care, and be ready for their forever homes was magical.

That pain (when they left) I can deal with.

The other kind in my pp...nah, that's destroyed me.

Original poster
Fivehundredchildren · 05/11/2018 19:48

Do you think it's too late to change things Shotsfired? Do you think they would be willing to give it another chance? Flowers

OP posts:
gonzo77 · 05/11/2018 19:49

Yes, my current husband. We are rekindled after 23 years, and married. I know I am the love of his life, and he is mine. No star cross lover rubbish. We have suffered serious illness, and a number of other issues together and stick firmly by each others side.

Love is not all hearts and flowers, it is holding each others hands through the rough and smooth.

GrumpyOldMare · 05/11/2018 19:49

No,thankfully. Too much hassle.

ShotsFired · 05/11/2018 19:53

No. He made it clear that he'd emotionally finished with me long before he let me in on that fact, but managed to act completely normal, holding hands, laughing, living together, sharing a bed etc, right up to the day he ended it and moved out. He even gave me a goodbye kiss as usual, before he went to work that day.

The exact circumstances have absolutely broken me and any trust I could dream of having again (and this is several months on as well).

IRememberSoIDo · 05/11/2018 19:53

Last week I wouldn't have necessarily said yes to this but an incident with me falling ill unexpectedly this weekend showed me I absolutely am for my husband. I also most definitely am for my kids, the youngest in particular.

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 05/11/2018 19:56

Yes. He wasn't very nice and I am so glad things never went further. I know and he knows that he will never feel the same for someone else. But boy was he a nasty jerk.

Then I met DH and I found out what it is to be in love Smile .

I have had a few pets but never been their Number One... I feel I'm missing out Grin

Lostpuzzlepiece · 05/11/2018 20:01

Yes, my late partner's. He really did love and adore me (and I him).

He died very unexpectedly earlier this year and like a PP says above, I know I won't find that kind of love again.

MercedesDeMonteChristo · 05/11/2018 20:13

A short lived ex who I was friends with for years. He is my soulmate but a ltr with him we both know would have been destructive. My relationship with DH is a relaxed and contented love.

Racecardriver · 05/11/2018 20:16

Yes my husband. It’s looking like he’s the love of my life (the only man I’ve ever loved really and it doesn’t seem that will cease to be the case any time soon).

saganorenscarandcoat · 05/11/2018 20:19

I've never felt like the love of someone's life despite being with someone for 26 years.

toastfiend · 05/11/2018 20:26

I believe so, my husband's. He is certainly the love of my life and he gives me every reason to genuinely believe that I am his. We drive each other mad sometimes, but no matter how rough things get, there's never been any doubt that we love each other deeply. I hope it continues. He's the person I want to grow old with and I couldn't imagine having anyone else by my side through life.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 05/11/2018 20:30

Maybe DPs. He is absolutely the love of mine; he makes my world a better place and I love him absolutely. Anything I want to do in life; I want him there.

I might be his too. I couldn't want him to treat me any better. He's calm and patient and kind and funny and sexy; and he will go out of his way to make sure that I'm happy and healthy. I've had the best years of my life with him. Even when life is crap; he makes it good.

Have you had any counselling about your parents, OP? Mine were the opposite - almost completely neglectful - and it took some time to accept that I could be loved and people don't always leave. Stupid as it sounds; it did help me.

Didsomeonesaybunny · 05/11/2018 20:33

Yes but I entirely messed it up and couldn’t see the woods for the trees.

Original poster
Fivehundredchildren · 05/11/2018 20:51

Thank you Anchor, that gives me hope! I was starting to formulate a theory that it was only people who felt massively loved as children that felt loved as adults.
I've had counselling in the past but not talked about my parents. It was quite a while ago now and was more sort of 'crisis management'. Until very recently, I would have felt disloyal speaking 'badly' of my parents. They're not bad people, I just feel let down by them and that in turn makes me feel guilty and confused. God it's complicated!

OP posts:
nicebitofquiche · 05/11/2018 20:58

Someone I knew but didn't fancy told me about 30 years later that he'd always loved me. He never went out with or married anyone so am presuming he didn't love anyone else. It made me feel really sad for him.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/11/2018 21:44

nice - I'm always sceptical when people claim to be in love with someone they're not in a relationship with. I find it hard to believe it can be anything more than a crush. Do you think it was true love?

nicebitofquiche · 05/11/2018 22:39

I've no idea. He's had no experience of a relationship so maybe to him it was. I knew him very well, we were good friends for years. I don't think him thinking he loved me stopped him meeting anyone else. He was/is just painfully shy and awkward around women.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 06/11/2018 14:28

fivehundred I had a similar issue - I found talking about foster care, which we went into for brief respite from my parents, really tough. These people had saved me and given me somewhere to stay; who am I to talk about them and find fault?

But eventually I realised that it's not about that; and it's not to them. You're not going to sit your parents down and tell them that their love for each other was too much and it made you feel excluded or unloveable - you're going to sit with a counsellor and talk about why it's happened and how to fix it.

I have friends who see counsellors - If they ever wanted to talk about something I'd done or said; id be happy for them to do that (not that I'd ever know).

I'd give it a go. You have nothing to lose and it really helped me 

Zebraantelopegiraffe · 06/11/2018 14:45

I have often thought and wondered about this. 'The love of my life' always seems just so over the top romantic. I am not sure entirely what it means to be the love of someone's life. Feels like a label that can only be applied in retrospect at the end of your life. How can you know? I certainly can't speak for another person's feelings for me at a fixed point in time at any rate. People's feelings change over time don't they.

I have often mused about the love of my life and over time I can see that although I have loved some men, and I certainly love my husband very, very much but without question the love of my life are my children.

beachcomber243 · 06/11/2018 15:19

Yes. But I messed it up.