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Original poster

People assume I’m an extrovert

32 replies

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 04/11/2018 09:15

Any advice appreciated
I’m quite chatty, friendly, outgoing
My job involves a lot of person to person interaction and a lot of it is heavy duty and emotionally draining
I do like company and other people
But
I am increasingly finding that I need much more space and time on my own to recharge. I have been off work over half term including a trip away with the family
I just broke down last night as I just needed space
The place we are staying is busy and I have struggled to get some “me” time
But when I say that it makes me sound like a navel gazing selfish bitch
I should want to spend time with the dc’s and dh. I work full time so we are all back to busy normal times this week
Am I some sort of weird introvert/extrovert hybrid or just a selfish cow.
Can someone change from extrovert to introvert as they get older
Or do I just need to get a gripSad

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 04/11/2018 09:18

How much time are you feeling you need alone ?

Strugglingtodomybest · 04/11/2018 09:24

Can someone change from extrovert to introvert as they get older

Weirdly, I was wondering the exact same thing yesterday. I feel the same as you and I was wondering if it was something to do with the perimenopause, or just age in general. However, I then thought back to my childhood and it seems obvious now that I was introverted. I've spent a fair bit if my life learning how to be and then being extroverted and I just don't have the energy for it anymore!

What2donow4 · 04/11/2018 09:28

I'm the same. When I was younger and had more family commitments I probably just pushed on through it. But now I'm older I get more tired by social interactions and I can understand own needs more so regularly block out time alone or just with immediate family.

I now try and take half an hour on my own as soon as I get in from work if at all possible. Taking the dog for a walk makes me seem less antisocial if we have visitors! My DH goes away about once a month and I relish those weekends.

Villanellesproudmum · 04/11/2018 09:29

I find having to put my professional face on exhausting, never used to but as I’ve got older (early 40s) I’m less tolerant so it’s a catch 22 and prefer my own and family company so totally understand.

SpikyHair · 04/11/2018 09:30

I need to spend probably 75% of my social time alone

Villanellesproudmum · 04/11/2018 09:30

Agree, the dog helps me also, it gives an excuse for time out.

What2donow4 · 04/11/2018 09:32

I'm not sure about changing from extrovert to introvert, but as being introverted is seen as a negative personality trait by many I think we mask it, either consciously or sub-consciously. The older we get the more we understand ourselves and the less we care what others think???

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 04/11/2018 09:46

I’m mid forties if that makes a difference
I was alone a lot as a child due to circumstances and quite content with that.
Can’t really quantify how much alone time I need just that when
I don’t get much/any I start to get really stressed out
Can’t figure out if it’s me or circumstance that has made me more this way
At least I’m not alone

OP posts:
UnaOfStormhold · 04/11/2018 09:55

I have heard people who need both contact time and alone time described as centroverts - seems very normal to me to need a balance, but then I think I am a centrovert!

MrsJayy · 04/11/2018 09:59

You don't need to label yourself 1 or other, life gets on top of everybody and it is too much sounds like you are overstretched Flowers

MattBerrysHair · 04/11/2018 09:59

Nobody is 100% introvert or extrovert, although we may lean to wards one or the other. Our needs will change depending on what's going on in our lives and it really isn't necessary to label it to make it permissable. Needing alone time doesn't make you a selfish bitch! Why would you think that? You just need to recharge!

JoyceTempleSavage · 04/11/2018 10:00

You’re an omnivert OP

Lots of people are

JoyceTempleSavage · 04/11/2018 10:01

I lie... ambivert

Blush
BobbinThreadbare123 · 04/11/2018 10:02

An ambivert is both sociable and needs recharge time. It doesn't make you selfish and I wish people would stop making out that introversion is a negative trait. A bit of peace now and then is important for everyone!

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 04/11/2018 10:10

Weird isn’t it that needing space and down time is perceived as negative and selfish
Also that people fit neatly into boxes
As I said I probably come across as an extrovert so explaining that I struggle would get a Hmmresponse
I’m away from the kids a lot so feel obliged to be “there” a lot of the time
Wanting space feels like a selfish indulgence Sad

OP posts:
cheesymashandbeans · 04/11/2018 10:12

It may sound odd but I find sitting in my car on my own, parked up somewhere, my most relaxing me space. I'll often arrive home from work. Park outside my house and then just sit in my car, listening to the radio, flicking through my phone for 10 to 15 minutes. I do it when I arrive at work sometimes, and when I go to the supermarket!

MrsJayy · 04/11/2018 10:15

If you are at work then with children your energy is being sucked from you and you have nothing left.

VioletCharlotte · 04/11/2018 10:19

I could have written this post myself OP. Your job sounds similar to mine. I think the terms 'extrovert' and 'introvert' are extremes, there's lots of grey in between. I see myself as an ambivert, I'm social and outgoing, but need time to myself to recharge otherwise I feel totally drained.

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 04/11/2018 10:21

Never occurred to me that there was a middle “category” IYSWIM

OP posts:
TombIhadaGraveChange · 04/11/2018 10:26

I’m the same. I love the random weekend so when DP is away, and count it a bonus if I can get from Friday evening to Monday morning without seeing or speaking to anyone. I should make an effort to see friends then, but it would spoil my peace.

He was away for a week recently. My mother, on hearing this, said we could have loads of chats during the time. My heart fell, as I was looking forward to the isolation. Being an extrovert, who lives alone, she can't understand this all and worries over me.

CoatTails · 04/11/2018 10:26

I’m an introvert with brilliant social skills! I have a very ‘public’ job which I’m good at.

I have an hour long bath most nights! That’s my peace.

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 04/11/2018 10:41

I am “home alone” one day on the weekend currently and t has been bliss
A friend keeps messaging about meeting up and I keep fobbing her off to the point where she probably thinks I’m rude
The thought of my peace being interrupted makes me feel horribly anxious
Sadly these days of peace are numbered so I have made the most of every minute
Think I need to accept that needing this space is ok

OP posts:
Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 04/11/2018 15:37

Thanks for all the ideas on this thread
I am honestly seeing myself in a slightly different light
Combined with the other “surviving winter “ thread I think I have a. Bit to do with regards to some self care

OP posts:
bubbles108 · 04/11/2018 15:56

I’m an introvert with brilliant social skills! I have a very ‘public’ job which I’m good at.

Me too

People scare me, but I've learned how to manage the fear and 'be' an extrovert

MrsJayy · 04/11/2018 16:31

I was abput 45 when I realised no shits I gave about some things and my peace of mind was much more important than trying to stretch myself in al l directions and I feel much better

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