Christmas - when did you stop alternating?

[ThousandCows]

DH and I have always alternated Christmases between his family and mine - well, technically we've alternated between 'his choice' and 'my choice', but up until last year it worked out as going to each of our families.

This year we've got our two DC (2.4 and 4m) and I'm starting to wonder about starting our own tradition with our 'new' immediate family.

So, did you start spending Christmas Day apart from your parents/in-laws? If so, when? What do you do instead? And why?

We still alternate, DC are 6 and 3. Tbh I'm keen to keep alternating and avoid hosting as long as possible - this way the grannies cook, the grandads clear up and DH and I look after the DC. (Of course we all pitch in with everything but that's the main division of labour). If we hosted DH and I would end up doing it all. Also the DC love seeing their cousins which happens when BIL and SIL's alternating matches up with ours!

Never have. As soon as we got married my DM told me quite firmly she didn't expect us at Christmas as we had to do it ourselves.

As an extra I have a job that means I'm often working over Christmas and can't travel - something that has blown the ILs minds for the first few years.

DH's siblings don't alternate either. They all have Christmas at home with their own kids and then make their way to GPs at some point over the season. Sometimes we make it on the same day, sometimes we don't.

There are too many sets of ILs to please to make alternating workable.

Both mine and my sister's DHs are only children so our Mum has us all plus both DHs parents to hers. It's lovely, a big family Christmas and no-one misses out.

Our first Xmas as a family with kids was spent as a huge group with both our families. Then my parents bought a business that meant they worked through Xmas every year so we went to dhs/they came to us. Now the dc are teens we are doing our own thing by ourselves. Last year we went away and this year we are having a pj day at home with nibbles and lots of Xmas tv. Heaven!

Last year our DD turned 4 around Christmas time and we had DS who was 4 months so we said we wanted to stay here in London. My family actually came, stayed in a hotel and we all had a pub lunch which was a great compromise. We're here alone this year and will see friends. Maybe next year we'll go and visit parents again but we've set expectations that the kids' home traditions come first now. We don't really have space to have people stay but always welcome visitors so people can come join in if they like.

Once we’d moved in together. I always had to work on Christmas Eve too so it wasn’t practical or appealing to then travel across the country (both parents 3 hours plus away, different places) after work.

Yes I suppose if you have a big family it wouldn’t work. I was just venting about my own situation really.
We have a small ish family. If we all got together there would only be 12 of us in total (my parents, MIL, siblings and kids) and we have enough room to host everyone fairly comfortably and I am happy to do so.
Yet MIL still insists on us alternating just because she likes to cause friction. It’s like some weird competition which I have no time for. It’s caused no end of arguments in the past and we end up dreading Christmas coming round cos we know it’ll cause arguments.

We’ve always been to or hosted the in-laws every Christmas, coupled with a rigorous round of meals out. We always ended up stressed and exhausted and not really enjoying it. This year we are going away (just the four of us).

This will be the first year we've spent Xmas day at home as I'm due to give birth just before Xmas. Even if I'm overdue we're staying at home.

I'm quite happy alternating, our house isn't big enough to host and dd has lots of cousins on both sides of the family so enjoys being with them. That said, I am really looking forward to Xmas this year and being able to have an Xmas dinner I enjoy (only downside with alternating is that both of our parents are awful cooks and Xmas Dinner is dreadful) plus hopefully going out for a nice walk in the afternoon which also never happens at when with either parents.

We are combining both sets of family this year. We've spent the last two since having DD with the in laws and they like to eat out, which I wouldn't have liked before I had a baby let alone with one in tow, it's a nightmare for me and his family always end up having drunken rows. I'm dreading this year too tbf as I'm not sure how the two sides are going to gel, but DPs side has several widows/widowers who would be alone if we didn't see them hence them coming on what should have been my family's year. I dream of having a chilled Christmas with just the three of us in our flat but I doubt it will happen before DDs an adult as DP won't 'abandon' his family.

We always host. DH is an only child so MIL has to come here 🙄 (baileys and a fake smile get me through). My mum can’t be arsed cooking and I wouldn’t eat at her house as it’s actually dirty. This year we are going out but haven’t told everybody yet. Everyone is welcome but will need to pay for themselves.

We have always had our own Christmas celebration at home since we had children. We then visit parents on Boxing Day. We all live within 10 miles of each other so easy to do.

We also stopped travelling after youngests first Christmas. That year we tried to get round everyone. It was so much hard work we just stopped totally.

When we had a baby.

Both of us spent Christmas in our own homes growing up not sleeping over at Grandparents so don’t think either set can complain.

Stopped last year. Before that we'd do both parents on Xmas day as they live 5 minutes away from each other.

We'd usually go to mine for dinner and then go to the inlaws for drinks and nibbles in the evening.

Was heavily pregnant last year so we stayed home and it was lovely. We'll be doing the same again this year.

I'm not pregnant this year though....

I lived abroad for 10 years from about age 26 and I think I only went home for Christmas once. Came back to UK when DC were 2 & 3 and i’ve hosted Christmas every year apart from 1 since we came back (DC are now 14 & 15). MIL didn’t do cooking so never invited us to hers, she always came to us. My DM downsized before I moved back so didn’t have space anymore, she alternates coming to me and going to my DB. I usually cook for between 8-16 people and have done for 20 years (used to host fellow expats when I was abroad).

If you want to stay at home then do, maybe your parents or in laws would like a break from hosting and could come to you instead? I like there to be lots of people at Christmas.

DC is now 4.

We told all Grandparents last year it would be the last year we "did the double"visiting them both at different stages of Christmas Day.
From this year we would host at our house and everybody agreed.

All fine until two weeks ago when my parents called me and announced they'd be staying at their house as my brother and his new gf (of a matter of months) and her children were coming to them. Very upsetting as they'd also been invited and this was all decided without our knowledge.

I'll never be able to convey how hurt and embarrassed I feel to my parents- they've now suggested we visit them on Boxing Day but that won't be happening, I'm nobody's plan b, the decision isn't the issue it's the complete dismissive mishandling for me, completely taken the shine of a day I was truly looking forward to and throughly disrespectful to my DP who is hurt too.

Makes me wish I could just work Christmas Day like I used to.

Will do all I can to make the day special but will definitely feel the fact my parents are not there and that as always plans got changed last minute for my brother.

When DD (first child) was 1 - spent first Christmas with my parents then stopped and they visited us (due to family bereavement). Then started again - but just to DH family when his dad died at Christmas - so we did 3 years of that.

Then we stopped and have had Christmas at home since. My DC love having Christmas at home and it is a logistical nightmare to travel. Also I have a long story about a family member who regrets putting her DC through this for all of their childhood and teenage years - her DC are now grown up and married and they all spend Christmas in their own homes with their children!!!!

We always spend/spent Christmas with my family (parents, sisters, and their families, grandparents and aunt/cousins too in the old days). Just one year we went to my ILs, but they live in a different country with less strong Christmas traditions and there are plenty of them so they don't need us!

Until my mum died, we all went to my parents' house (though from when my children were about 3/4 we spent early Christmas morning here, then drove over there, staying 1-2 nights). Now everyone comes to us.

I have to admit I would always have found it very odd and not at all like a proper Christmas to have it at home with just the four of us. We can enjoy being just us any day. For me Christmas is very much about getting together with extended family, or close friends. That is the most important aspect of it. Would happily ditch the presents!

Alternated for some years until my FIL died and my MiL forbid us to celebrate Christmas so we ended up visiting my parents instead.

My sister is alternating 20 years on, works ok for her. I don’t see why taking children to other houses is an issue, favourite toy can always come along.

Last year was the first year we ever spent at home due to the guilt of our parents having no one to spend it with. We'd love to do it again this year but if we do my dad and his fiancee will be alone and I feel so guilty.

I’ve been married twice & I’ve never done the ‘alternating routine’, it can just cause too many expectations. Our very first Christmas in our married home I was delighted to host. We’ve had lots of variations over the years and never got into a rut. My DS is a teenager now but I will be making it very clear that he can celebrate Christmas as and how he chooses as he get older, I will not be expecting to be included in his plans, quite honestly a quiet Christmas alone is incredibly appealing.

We've never alternated and since just before we got engaged, we've always spent it at my parents'. Thank god. MIL made it clear she doesn't expect us to go to theirs ever; I don't think she would like hosting, their house is very small and FIL is anti social so would only want people there for an hour tops.

We have DS 2.10 and I'm due another baby early next year, but I think we'll go to my parents' for as long as they can host, I love spending time with them and my sister (and any partner she brings).

Shes are you honestly sure that your dad & his fiancée wouldn’t be happy on their own? My mother has actually confided in me that she & my father are perfectly happy alone at Christmas, no difficult travel, no lively children, comfort of their own home & tv of their choice but they feel obliged to accept family invitations.