Christmas - when did you stop alternating?

[ThousandCows]

DH and I have always alternated Christmases between his family and mine - well, technically we've alternated between 'his choice' and 'my choice', but up until last year it worked out as going to each of our families.

This year we've got our two DC (2.4 and 4m) and I'm starting to wonder about starting our own tradition with our 'new' immediate family.

So, did you start spending Christmas Day apart from your parents/in-laws? If so, when? What do you do instead? And why?

We're drawing the line in the sand this year, DD is 4 and DS 2. Since we got married Christmas has been a convoluted palaver of breakfast with one set of parents and lunch with another. Last year was a new low of my parents coming to us, arriving late, us throwing food down their throats and then having to kick them out so we could drive to MIL to ensure we made the deadline for her formal, OTT lunch.

This year we've said we'll host lunch for everyone who wants it. It's looking like it'll be expensive and a bit stressful, but the DC can stay in their home enjoying their presents, everyone who wants to see them can, and at the end of the day once the kids are in bed everyone can cock off home and leave DH and I in peace with the remains of a box of After Eights and a bottle of champagne.

All you guys who host big numbers, how do you handle Christmas dinner? My kitchen/dining table probably seats 6, I guess perhaps 8 if we got a bench down one side and squeezed in.... Do you eat in shifts, or buy more furniture or something?

We’ve hosted up to 15. Our dining table seats 8, and the dining room is open plan into a square hallway area, so what we do is put an old kitchen table there with various chairs- desk chairs, piano stools etc

So two tables near each other basically.

Been with DH for 24 years and we only went once to my parents. When mum was to ill they came to us. We never went to his. When our kids were young DH had to drive 30 mins to get aunt and take her to his parents. Then at the end of the day he went to collect her and take her home. This really did ruin our day as we never had “our” Christmas, it was all about travelling and doing something for someone else. All because of his mum starting something she regretted yrs ago (the aunt!). When PIL died the aunt naturally came to us. My BIL lives away and never did this, but loved calling on Christmas morning so say he’s having a relaxing day with nuce Port & chese etc.

Anyhow, aunt died 3 yrs ago and only now we are having our Christmas. When kids are no longer bothered about having dad here to arch them open presents after santa has been.

So IMO, you should not set a routine at Christmas . You’ll be stuck for years.

We stopped when DD1 was 2 and we've got 2 more now. For the past 4 years we've said "anyone welcome at ours but we're staying home". We rarely see anyone on the 25th, just the 5 of us. We see family before or after. I'm the mum now and my DC deserve a nice Christmas in their own home.

When dd1 was born. ‘Alternating’ also meant travelling between my m and ddad who lived at opposite ends of the country as well as dmil and dfil.

As soon as we had a child we stayed at home having our own Christmas. We love it.

No way was I “doing” Santa in someone else’s house. Once they are old enough to just want hard cash I might reconsider!

My children LOVE going to grandparents at Christmas. They get to play with their cousins, join in games, have a sleepover and go to bed super late! Of course they are spoilt rotten too by said grandparents which they adore. We take lots of new toys with us.

Ah, both sets of the children's grandparents live within sensible driving distance which probably helps. Not too sure I'd be wanting to drive for hours on Christmas Day. That would make us rethink.

We still alternate, DC will be 10, 7 & 4 this Christmas. We have kind of developed our own little routine though, which looks like this:

Christmas Eve church then big dinner with my family (have always done this same Christmas Eve dinner). We live in the same village as them.

Christmas Day morning open stockings & other presents at home then either big dinner with one of my family (my sisters & I take turns hosting), none more than 1 hour's drive away OR pub lunch with DH's parents & sister + family. 130 miles away.

Boxing Day at his parents. Either travel up in morning or are already there.

Stay with PILs until 29th or so.

Back home before NYE, which is a sleepover with our best friends + DC at either our house or theirs (10 miles away so this way we can all have a drink & don't have to worry about getting tired kids home).

I generally enjoy it but sometimes I wish we didn't rush around quite so much. I also find the long stay with ILs a bit too much. They are lovely but only really want to sit & watch TV the entire time & their house is tiny for 7 people, so I go a bit stir crazy as do the DC

We simply say whoever wants to join us at home on Christmas Day is more than welcome. Happy to host everyone.
I’ve never really understood having to split/alternate time with parents/in laws. Surely just for one day everyone can come together so no one is left out - it’s the season of goodwill and all that!
MIL is a selfish woman who never wants to socialise with my family (no history of big issues or drama, she’s just unsociable) but she still kicks off every year because we won’t go to her (and leave my parents alone)
SIL enables her selfish behaviour and it all kicked off massively a couple of years ago because we wouldn’t conform to what she wanted us to do. Luckily DH is completely on board and backed me up.
Christmas is supposed to be a joyful occasion but it causes all sorts of problems for a lot of families.

Hopefully this year. It is our 'turn' to go to my folks but Christmas is a week from my due date with DC1 and I don't want to be four hours from our birth centre. My husband is also required to be at church on Christmas Day, so we don't fancy spending hours in the car and not getting to DPs til 4pm. My brother and his family live in the same city so are keen to come to us. DF is being very stubborn about it though and I get really upset every time we have the conversation and he refuses to consider that they might be the ones to travel.

DDs 2nd Christmas. The first year she was 8 months old and we spent the day constantly in and out of the car. Parents live 20 minutes from in-laws but 2 hours from us.

So it was out of the house at 7:30, visit parents for breakfast at 9:30, sisters for visit at 11, in-laws for lunch at 12, aunts at 3, brothers at 6. It was a treadmill and we didn't get to enjoy anything.

After that we have said people are welcome to come to us (they never do) bit we won't travel. No one has space for us to stay, so I refuse to let my 8 year old spend Christmas morning in a Travelodge or have her wake up go ooh look at your presents. Now get in the car. It's not fair on her.

This year. Kids are 4, 3 and baby. Can't wait!

Once we got to three children it felt "busy" enough to stay at home.

Though we go to my parents (walking distance) in the afternoon and pil (3 hour drive) between Christmas and New Year.

PopTart that wouldn't work for many. We have 3 siblings each so that's a lot of in-laws whose own families want to see them!

We had a plan to alternate on a three-yearly rota. My husband's family lives in the UK (we don't) and Christmas is a big thing, so we've been there every other year, even when our son (now 3,5) came along. Things changed however last year, as my mum was diagnosed with incurable cancer, which will be terminal in a few years probably. Christmas isn't a big thing with my family, but we're keen to make the memories with my son. So, this year, we're hosting, we finally have a house big enough to have my parents, my MIL and BIL stay over.

We're going to be deciding each year what to do from now on I think. I also hate travelling over Christmas, there's always delays on our flight home and it's expensive. And us visiting for Christmas isn't enough of a present for family, so Christmas at my in-laws costs a fortune, plus DH and I end up doing the cooking as well as my MIL is a terrible cook. And I don't do well cooking in someone else's kitchen.

When the kids reached 2 & 3 yrs old. We say everyone is welcome to come here. This year there will be 13 of us!

Poptart - how would everyone coming together work? If I invited parents and pil to me, then my siblings would also need to come. Plus their pil? Then the pil other children would need to come, with their own pil. Would I need to invite my sister's husband's brother's wife's parents, and sister, and sister's pil so everyone can be together? Where would it end

We stopped after my dad died, so just before DD was born, so DS1 was 5 and Ds2 3. We'd sort of alternated between having MIL to us and going to my parents. MIL's house is too small for all of us anyway.

Now everyone comes to us and its great, my siblings spend with their own in-laws and then come to us on the 27-28th.

We went to IL's (150 miles away) until DS was about 3 and hiding presents in the car became too tricky because he had eyes like a hawk!

DH decreed that everyone was welcome to come to us but we were staying put. My DM actually fed us all for a couple of years while DD was young, as she lives round the corner, then we took over and have hosted ever since.

We started alternating, but after DF died we invited DM to stay and PILs we're happy to host Xmas day for all of us.

Then it got tough as DM became difficult to an unacceptable level. I felt protective of 'our xmas' and did not want to compromise on how much we could enjoy the day. Her presence made me feel upset, so I've taken a selfish approach while my DS is so young. I may not have another Xmas where he 'believes'.

Now we do our own Xmas morning, over to PIL for 2nd breakfast and gifts. Spend the day and evening there then home to bed. On 27th we go to DM and I cook a Xmas meal and host, but in her house, as she doesn't and won't. She doesn't put up a tree or decorations, doesn't buy gifts but gives me a list of what she wants.

It's not easy to put us first, I always think that I can fix Xmas for her by having DM at our house. But she's proved time and again that she will ruin it instead.

Do what you want, the years go by so quickly. You can always change it again after the kids go to high school and defo don't believe.

There's 4 of us and we stopped alternating when youngest was about 12. To be honest we just wanted to be at home with our mum, love our dad but nothing beats Xmas in your own home!

Once we had kids we stayed in our own home and had our own little Christmas, just us. No one else invited. Bliss