Justification for cheating - the best lines

[spinningworld]

This is lighthearted (with a bit of anger bubbling away under the surface) but I need a good laugh.

So finally my cheating ex has moved the rest of his stuff out.

I think the best line he has thrown at me throughout all of this is this one:-

'I needed to sleep with her more than once to make me realise it was a mistake'

It's actually laughable

'I wanted to contact her to make sure she was ok' after I discovered the affair 
Fuck off and die, prick was my response

‘It just happened’ Oh your dick just happened to end up inside her several times?

My first ex justified his affair saying she was lonely and she had noone else in life.

And then blamed my weight gain and depression for him straying..i had post natal depression

Mines a bit different...
My ex was cheating on me and when I found out I asked why he was still sleeping with me 'because she won't have sex unless married' fanfuckingtastic.
It was true. She was a born again Christian and I was a mastubatory aid

The scarf, gloves and bracelet down The side of the bed were "found on a bus, I picked them up so my Mum could use them"
Also, the pair of knickers in a drawer must be "my Mums" even though they were about 3 sizes too small for her.

Lives with his Mum (years ago)

*lived
Obviously!

"The excitement".

When I asked him why he cheated, (while he was drunk), after we'd broken up. He blurted it out. The excitement of being with someone new/the chase.

This is the bloke with no hobbies other than reading trashy novels, watching trashy TV, and drinking. Who wouldn't go anywhere other than the local bar, and maybe the cinema. I've now decided that he was inherently boring, and cheating made him feel less boring and possibly more manly/studly.

(After a 'lads' holiday)

"it was just a prostitute..."

Yes, because everyone knows prostitutes often leave messages on the answering machine asking how you are and to get in touch afterwards

My X when he finally admitted cheating said I wasn't lying when I said we didn't sleep together, we were too busy to sleep

These are absolutely 

Dreadful specimens, you are well rid of them ladies 

My 😮 was missing from that last post!

Honesty goes a long way.

Instead of insulting your intelligence with outlandish lies a simple "the opportunity was there so I took advantage of it and I'm an ignorant, hurtful, selfish arsehole"

Much better than any old rubbish in my opinion!

When he was finally caught red handed we also had "but we only kissed for a few seconds", "I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing", "it didn't mean anything", and when he realised I was done, "if you'd been more affectionate I wouldn't have wanted anyone else" (this after him refusing to sleep in our bed so he could stay up all night looking at porn, didn't initiate sex for ages, being cold, distant and secretive etc). Came home that night, and tried to initiate sex for the first time in ages 😷 It was stupid o'clock, and he was messy drunk so I said no thankfully. We spooned all night (as we'd have been doing regularly if he'd came to bed more often!).

I think before he met me, all he did every weekend was go to the same 2 or 3 bars, to prowl for one night stands. Even though he'd only pull every few weeks or months, that was the point of going out, and an excuse to get drunk and have a laugh with his mates (all single and on the lookout for women too), in the process. When he had a dp and a dc, he didn't know how to function and kept feeling like he was missing out/trapped. When I asked him why he proposed to me, he said "it was convenient" (still the worst thing anyone has ever said to me, and that's saying something considering all the abuse I took from him).

*sorry to clarify, he was seen by a close friend of mine, and a friend of hers, but it took them a few days to work up the nerve to tell me. Then confirmed through text by the other cheating party. He was nice as pie to me the whole time, thinking he'd gotten away with it!

"She made me breakfast in bed"

Accurate in my case

‘I didn’t understand what a real relationship should be like’
we’d been together 11 years and married for 5 with two kids!

It was because I didn't get on with his mother and that made him stressed so he started an affair.

Hurt at the time (obviously!) but gave me the kick up the arse to divorce him after him blaming me all the time for his mother's possessive jealousy of me (and previous girlfriends).

@Redshoeblueshoe

I have no words for that one!

That is something my ex would come out with, just the sheer boldness of it

@SmellySphinx

I agree. I said to my ex on numerous occasions, if you are not happy then leave. I genuine didn't want him being unhappy in a relationship, I basically gave him the ok to find someone else. Just don't do it my expense.

Sadly he wanted his shag and still expect to come home to his comforts

The OW continued her relationship with her partner, who is none the wiser. No my ex is left with no one

Sorry lots of typos in that post

Hopefully she'll be living with the guilt but who knows, some people think themselves lucky they weren't caught out by their partners and live in ignorance!

At least your ex is alone lol sounds a little awful wishing someone a lonely life but, he's obviously a twat

After admitting to having sex with a prostitute on a business trip (while I was in hospital having a prolapse repair, to add a little extra to the scenario), my now-XH said in a lofty tone "I think you'll find it isn't cheating if you've paid for it". Erm, I think you'll find that it is, sweetcheeks...

'I may have been with her but I didn't cheat, God brought us together it's not cheating if it's God's plan'
I'm not religious,he was
I dodged a bullet there

My ex actually told me it was my fault he cheated on the OW... as I made him think he was a cheater 😂😂🙄