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Original poster

home alone... not sure its ok

75 replies

EducatingSweary · 03/11/2018 07:46

for a 13yo to be left home alone 6.30pm till 10pm with only a dog for company. 1 parent at least 2 hrs away and not due back "until late" (whatever that means?),. other parent about 40 mins away.

OP posts:

Frazzled2207 · 03/11/2018 08:42

Btw sounds like you have other issues with your dh but you need to get him to email all important events to your phone diary as soon as they become known.

mum11970 · 03/11/2018 08:42

As you’ll have seen 13 year olds vary considerably on how they are alone in the dark. The answer to this one is purely down to the feelings of the child in question and making sure you get a truthful answer. Ds would say he was fine to dh and his siblings to save face but would be more honest with me but would possibly lie if he thought I’d miss out on something if he was honest. Only you know your child well enough to know the answer and if you’ve never left her before I wouldn’t do it for that length of time, that far away, the first time.

Dextrodependant · 03/11/2018 08:47

DS 13 would be fine with this nut it is something we have built up to slowly. We start around 10 leaving them on the car while we go into the supermarket, then at home for short periods.

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AliMonkey · 03/11/2018 09:06

Depends on what the child is used to and whether they are happy with it. DD13 is regularly on own for a couple of hours and occasionally for longer during day but would be uncomfortable with going to bed without adult there - but on a school night should be asleep before 10 - so would be problem for us. But would be OK if it was eg 5.30-9.00.

So if it was me I would cancel my thing (given it's the regular event so missing it presumably wouldn't be end of the world) but would also be unhappy at DH and make that clear to him.

But if your DC is used to being on own for long time and goes to bed later than 10pm then may be OK. Key thing is asking them how they feel about it.

PineapplePen07 · 03/11/2018 09:08

What does your dd think about being left?

My ds would be fine during the day and for short periods in the evening but he prefers us to be around later in the evening.

I was left alone for long periods at that age and it did feel different in the dark and evenings, I remember getting nervous sometimes.

Original poster

EducatingSweary · 03/11/2018 12:02

dd says she will be fine and that she IS 13 afterall

me though not so sure.... if i 5 mins down the road then i would be happy to leave her, but at best 40 mins by carleaves me unsure

its a college course im doing so not a great idea to miss the lesson

oh i just dont know

OP posts:

GaraMedouar · 03/11/2018 12:10

I think 13 is fine, and your DD is quite happy with it. I left my DS at that age for the evening as he didn't want to drag out to an activity me and eldest do. He's now 14 and I don't even think about it now.

WhyAmISoCold · 03/11/2018 12:18

If she is sensible and trustworthy, I think I would, although may not feel entirely comfortable but I'd just keep checking in.

When I was 13 I was babysitting a 8, 4 and 3 year olds all at the same time, for much bigger time periods. Looking back, this was ridiculous and shouldn't have been allowed but at the time I never minded or felt like I couldn't deal with it. I was a sensible teen though (most of the time).

Feefeetrixabelle · 03/11/2018 12:19

How about you tell I nearby friend she’s home alone and if dd has an emergency/panic she can call this friend who can reach her faster. She’s unlikely to need any support and even though your friends have children too they would help in an emergency.

3WildOnes · 03/11/2018 12:21

I would be fine with this from 11.

ShatnersBassoon · 03/11/2018 12:23

I think it's absolutely fine. I wouldn't worry at all about a 13 year old.

Cachailleacha · 03/11/2018 12:25

I don't think the time would be a problem for most children this age as a one off. They can be expected to be in bed reading at 9/9.30/before you get home. My child's Scout group finishes at 9pm on a school night, and that is children as young as 10.

EvaHarknessRose · 03/11/2018 12:36

As a one off if the child is fine then just give them a back up number of someone nearer for an absolute emergency (or tell them to call you and you can call the other person) and remind them neighbours will probably also be available. It feels weird the first few times.

formerbabe · 03/11/2018 14:09

Lots of angst on this thread...it seems fine to me.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 03/11/2018 14:21

She should be fine, but your DH needs severe retribution for pulling a stunt like this.

Frazzled2207 · 04/11/2018 10:20

If your daughter is fine with it I honestly think it's fine as a one off. Make it exciting for your daughter, get her a nice tea and film to watch.

MoonlightMedicine · 04/11/2018 10:25

Going against the grain here.... you are her mother. If your instincts tell you this doesn’t feel right then perhaps she isn’t ready? Sorry if that’s unhelpful, I just think you probably know her best.

Disclaimer! I don’t have a 13 year old yet, my eldest is only 8, so I don’t have any recent experience of how mature and self-reliant 13 year olds are.

bananamonkey · 04/11/2018 10:26

Seems ok if she’s sensible and happy to do so.

I was babysitting my siblings so my mum could go out occasionally at this age. We had a lovely time sharing out the sweets she’s buy for us!

Sparrowlegs248 · 04/11/2018 10:26

I thinking ds1 is fine, then it's fine. Or can she have a sleepover at a school friends?

SushiMonster · 04/11/2018 10:31

If the 13 is happy I don’t see the problem.

I used to like being left for periods of time. I’d eat ice cream and watch south park on TV!

ChanklyBore · 04/11/2018 10:32

For me it is fine. At 13 I had to be in by 9.30pm, stretched to 10pm at weekends. No mobile contact and I could easily be 40 plus minutes away from my own home in the evening...

siakcaci · 04/11/2018 10:33

Is she used to being left? Can she manage basic things alone?

Presumably by the time they get to 13 they have been left home alone at various times and managed.

Make sure she locks the door and shuts the curtains and she will be fine.

PurpleDaisies · 04/11/2018 10:35

Presumably the dad also knows her pretty well?

If your daughter is happy op, there’s no reason not to go to your college course.

Notverygrownup · 04/11/2018 10:42

My ds would have been/was OK at that age, but he did have the neighbours telephone number and he would have been very happy to pop round to them if there was an issue. He did have an incident when he was that age and someone had banged on the windows, just before we got home. Never knew who. Walked in to find him utterly terrified.

You should go to your college course. If it was me, I would perhaps make my excuses and leave a bit early if this is her first time left alone. Being back by 10 feels a lot earlier than being back by 10.30

SoupDragon · 04/11/2018 10:50

Yes, that's fine. I left DD (12) alone for a similar time with just the dog, my phone number and instructions not to open the door and to go to either neighbour if there was a problem. I sent her a text midway to check she was fine.

I'm not sure I would have left DS2 under similar circumstances though. DS1 and DD, yes.

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