My partner is at doctors threatening suicide

[Tattandthis]

previous thread here

just don't k ow what to do right now

Has anyone been through this

Am with kids so can't go

Can someone please hold my hand.
I don't know what to do for the best

I don't really know what to say but I don't want to read and run, I think you can take confidence in that she is at the doctors and is seeking help they will help!

If he's with medical professionals, hopefully they'll ensure he's taken somewhere safe and given appropriate care and treatment. Hand hold here OP 

I have no advice I’m afraid. But I’m here. I’m listening

Would the doctors organise her being hospitalised?

EDITED BY MNHQ TO REMOVE MENTION OF METHOD

I don't know

She doesn't want me there

This happened with her last break up.

They discharged her at 3am with no where to go
I'm worried they will do that agaim

they should offer hospitalization. dh had a breakdown a month ago (suicidal and self harmed, i called gp they called him back and referred to crisis team. the crisis team came over and offered him hospitalisation or daily visits which he chose. they've been coming most days all month and adjusting his meds. they've referred him to community mental health team from Monday as he's improving.

Haven't read previous thread but can understand it's hard to sit waiting from a distance. Hope you are ok.

they should offer hospitalization

In many areas of the country there are no beds. On some nights there are no beds anywhere in the country.

What do you want to happen now OP? Do you have a mental health support worker/ CPN that you can talk to?

It's really difficult, but as someone said on your other thread, you cannot be held emotionally hostage by someone threatening to harm themselves if you don't do what they want, and this includes staying In a relationship with them. If you start things up with her again, it sounds like it will fall apart and you need to be focusing on you and your health right now, so when it all gets too much you will end up in exactly this place again. And the cycle will continue.

That said, these things are MUCH easier to give advice on than live through. Have you got anyone supporting you?

Does she get on with her mum? Can you phone her and hand responsibility over?

If they send her away and the worst happens it is on them and her not you. For the sake of your own health you need to step back and leave them to it.

Thinking of you and here to hold your hand.
I think the fact that she has gone to the GP is a very good sign. It shows that eben if subconsciously she wants help. I'm no expert but I don't think anyone ever wants to end their lives. They just want the hurting to stop.
Also discharging a suicidal patient or anyone for that matter. What the fuck are the NHS thinking of.

I wouldn't phone her mum, that would just give her another stick to beat you with. Could you contact the hospital and make it clear that she should not be discharged to your address because the relationship had ended. Where she does or doesn't go is not your responsibility.

Your children may not miss her as much as you think. and they will not miss the atmosphere at home.

I think They's suggestion is good - let the hospital know the relationship has ended.

I attempted suicide many, many years ago. I too was very isolated. I was hospitalised but the hospital team wouldn't release me to stay with my closest family member because that person was part of the suicide trigger. I ended up having to stay on hospital far longer because there wasn't anywhere suitable to stay, i had to remain until they considered me strong enough to live alone. I hope that your ex's care team have the resources to do something similar.

Evening all. Sorry to barge onto the thread like this but we just wanted to let you know that we've edited a couple of your posts, OP, to remove any mention of method used. This is because we don't allow discussions of that sort on Mumsnet. That said, we'd hate to restrict the flow of conversation on here or diminish the support you're getting so we've left the posts standing and have made a note to indicate that they've been edited.

Hope that makes sense.

No advice but 

Hand holding,

I almost attempted ending it myself tonight and have been talked down by crisis team and they will reconnect in the morning with me, so in the meantime, I am stalking mn to keep my head busy

Hold on in there and hopefully she is getting the treatment she needs

Smurfy- just seen your comment and wanted to say I'm so glad you called crisis! You should be very proud of yourself for getting help! Hand holding with you

@Tattandthis I read your previous thread at the time. I'm sorry that this has happened but pleased you have had the strength to try to move forward with your life. She is not your responsibility....

I'm OK, no help available but holding in there as my normal professional support team will be back tomorrow and will kick them up the bum collectively.

As others have said, she isn't your responsibility,

my partner and I don't live together as he has physical and MH conditions as do I, both of us to a severe degree (we were together before physical health failed both of us), care would be left to his mum as she is his carer who would be left to care for both of us and its not something I would ask of anyone,

Its ultimately down to me and his mum and I are good friends instead.

I didn't even contact him, just sent a text updated yest evening as I don't want to talk to anyone at the minute but I have carers from an agency who visit me 4 times a day. He replied "know I love you and am here if you want to talk", the ultimate responsibility is down to me and no one else

OP I haven't read your previous thread however you aren't responsible for her

Just caught up with the other thread too.

You need to distance yourself for your own safety and that of your children. This is not someone you can be "just friends" with. That is impossible. Don't try.

It's very sad and it's not her fault but it's also not your responsibility.

Before I read your other thread I had started writing a post saying that threatening suicide is being used as a tool of control, to force compliance. With her other mental health issues it's clearly not that simple but it boils down to that her brain simply can't cope with being unable to unilaterally control the terms of your relationship. That it's a genuine disfunction for which she needs help but it is not your problem and you cannot be involved in helping her to learn functional relationships. You are too close. You being involved in any way would hobble her recovery by making a return to the old disfunctional path seem feasible.

The best thing to do to help her is back right off. Make sure the medical and social work personnel involved in her case know that she does nt have a home with you and you can no longer be involved in any way. That's important so that it's known that she doesn't have support.

It's horrible but it is out of your control.

She's still here.

Crisis team and community MH team are visiting every 48 hours.

I am just trying to get her help.

I don't know what's happening but I stood my ground when she was pressing me to say we can try again
Its so hard.

Well done on standing your ground, that must have been very difficult. Have you spoken to the crisis team to explain the situation?

@Tattandthis (((hugs))) and keep telling yourself, you are not responsible for choices she makes, as the relationship is over you need to step away and not engage, that will be very difficult esp if under the same roof.

Explain to her when the team visit, that the relationship is not viable and that you are separated and that you wish her well.

Otherwise, if a team has anyone to default to as a "carer" they will. As not partners anymore I would advise you to state you will not be responsible for her and keeping her safe, she has to be accountable for her decisions and depending on housing situation, 1 of you may need to make a move longer term

You are not available to be her support system.

If she is still threatening suicide and trying to engage you with her, keep telling her she is responsible for herself, her choices and actions. you do not feature in these and conversation over. Keep repeating.

If she threatens suicide, pick up the phone and ring either crisis or 999. She is not your responsibility.

You need to take time and care for yourself at this point, when she tries to engage you, step away, have a bath/shower, walk, don't engage as will give false hope, you need to take care of yourself,

Much love.