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Original poster

Mother pushing pram

59 replies

Charlotte98 · 30/10/2018 01:13

Hi, myself and my boyfriend took our 2 week old son to the park for the first time and we were joined by my mother, she got so annoyed that my boyfriend asked to push the pram down a slope as he was being protective, my mum has said she feels so upset and annoyed about not being able to push our son in his pram, it’s got to a point that they have fallen out over it and I’m stuck in the middle... I think we have every right to not let anyone else push our pram but the thing is she did get to push him a little bit?!?!

OP posts:
Escolar · 30/10/2018 06:46

Your mum is over reacting massively! Yes, maybe your boyfriend was being slightly over protective, but does it really matter for heavens sake! Your mum should have raised her eyebrows and handed over the pram, not created a big scene about it.

Poor OP, stuck in the middle of such an unnecessarily dramatic situation.

Justletmego · 30/10/2018 06:50

It’s his child and his choice, your mother needs to respect his parenting choices. You’ve said you agree with him, so they are your parenting choices too. That’s all this comes down to in my view, parents providing no safe guarding issues get to decide what is best for their children not grandparents, no matter how much they think they do.

GinGeum · 30/10/2018 06:50

I had similar to this with my sister when her first child was about 3 months old. I’ve been a nanny for many years but she didn’t allow me to push the pram down a hill either. It was pretty insulting. I let it slide but now she’s started asking if I will provide free childcare for the same child during the summer holidays so they don’t have to use up their annual leave. Umm, nope!

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strawberrisc · 30/10/2018 06:53

They’ve fallen out over it? Wow. DP gives a toss about your child and it’s such a stupid thing for your DM to get riled about. This is only going to get worse!

Aridane · 30/10/2018 06:53

Your DP was being offensive and a bit of a dick but your mother was also overreacting

EmmaJR1 · 30/10/2018 06:54

They have fallen out over this? It's such a non issue. You've got a rocky path ahead if they are this delicate!!!

AvoidingDM · 30/10/2018 06:57

I think a massive apology is required. It is pretty insulting to suggest she isn't capable of holding onto a pram on a hill.
With a bit of luck and sense of humour it will become a bit of a family joke.

Ifoundanacorn · 30/10/2018 06:59

I always worried about slopes too, some irrational fear that the pram would run away with itself and I will be dragged down with it.

If your mother is going to join you for walks in the park, then she comes on your terms, and if you feel safer pushing the pram then push the pram. She can't join you and take over, and insist that she does what she wants to do.

Your mother should be pleased he is such a careful and committed father, and should back off. This is your time as a family. I would think twice before allowing her to come again with you, and generally I would create a little distance (unless she has major concerns for you or the baby) the early days are very bonding and important, she should not interfere.

From now on go on your own, and ignore your mother making a drama out of this.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 30/10/2018 07:00

I don’t think your DP was particularly being a dick. He’s a new dad, baby is 2 weeks old!

This is one of those funny PFB stories that would end up on a MN thread. Chances are he’ll remember when baby is a toddler and go “oh god, remember when I wouldn’t let your mum push the baby down a slope Blush” and you’ll all laugh at him.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 30/10/2018 07:03

I think it's your mother that needs to let this one slide. With a bit of empathy and imagination she'd realise that the baby is only two weeks old. You're both at the overwhelmed and protective stage of first time parents. That stage is intense and sometimes irrational.

Under other circumstances what he did was quite offensive but she should be all about supporting you as you find your feet as parents at that stage.

OliviaStabler · 30/10/2018 07:08

I'd be offended if I was your DM. Unless there is a good reason why she could not control a pram going down a hill, your boyfriend should not have interfered.

ErnestTheBavarian · 30/10/2018 07:30

DP was being insulting and rude. (and agist?) are there other issues? Do they generally like each other? Sounds like this might be symptomatic of other issues, deferred pain if you like.

Thing is, you or dp can push the bloody pram every day of the week. Your mum probably not. I know the child isn't a 'dolly', but there is something special about pushing a pram. It probably is a song reminder of your baby days. When my mum came over I ALWAYS had to let her push the pram the whole time, every time. And you know what? Neither me or dh had a problem with it, because 95% of the time, it was us who got to (had to) do it.

I don't think it hurts to make people happy, does it?

I think your dp sounds really bad actually. That he would insult your mum, that he doesn't trust her, and that he didn't apologise, and is prepared to argue over this. I can see your mum fearing him taking over and spoiling her relationship with you or the baby, and over reacting as a result. But then I'm probably reading far too much into it ;) I just remember it was very special to my mum to push her gk. And I've had 4 dc, and my dh has never once fallen out with my mum, I just can't imagine an adult digging their heels in over this issue. That, I find weird and worrying.

HSMMaCM · 30/10/2018 07:42

My DH would have probably done this. We would have just had a laugh about him being over protective rather than everyone falling out over it.

DryHeave · 30/10/2018 07:43

Taking over is in itself not an issue. How it’s done might change how people feel about it: “I know I’m being OTT, but do you mind if I take over while we go down this slope?” is different to a shoulder barge and a grab of the handlebars.

My baby is just coming up to a year, and when I think back to the winces and quick reflexes and reactions I had when my parents were with my newborn I just want to chuckle now. They were very understanding and kept hands off when they knew I needed to take charge, even if it wasn’t really necessary.

Tadda · 30/10/2018 13:00

I think people are being a bit harsh here!? OP has said that this was their first outing to the park, LO is only two weeks old and I'm guessing this is baby No 1?

I just think everyone is still in the 'precious newbie' stage and rightfully so! It's just a shame that it's resulted in an argument - it only sounds like New dad was being a bit protective, and that's just instinctive -

An apology to Mum if she was offended he took over, yes, but I don't think he deserves all the name calling! Much better a protective new dad than one who couldn't care less!

TheStopAndChat · 30/10/2018 20:46

It was just a walk to the park FFS! Being in the 'precious newbie stage' doesn't excuse someone from being a twat.
"oh, sorry grandmother of child, I let you push the pram on flat ground because I know you've raised children yourself, reflected in my risk assessment to allow it at all but I don't trust you on the incline. Hand it over and be grateful you got 'a go' at all"
Prick.

hmmwhatatodo · 30/10/2018 22:12

What kind of slope are we talking about?

Tadda · 31/10/2018 05:33

Maybe he just thought he was helping!? Honestly I can see my DH doing exactly the same thing - the same as him saying 'I'll carry that, it's heavy'...which he does with shopping or any heavy lifting etc...

I don't take it as a 'what does he think I'm not strong enough, because I'm incapable, because I'm a woman etc etc...'

Add that to the fact that his brand new baby + hill may have created a little anxiety to him to want to help....I doubt there was a discussion before hand also - everyone is still getting used to having a '2 week old' and finding their way with newbie!

Give it a few months and I'm pretty sure MIL will be out for trips on her own with LO - It's a shame there's been an argument - learning curve maybe, but I really don't think anyone was being a 'dick'!!??!

WidoWanky · 31/10/2018 07:57

Blimey. A dad wants to look after his own child??

In this day and age it should be applauded. So many quickly bugger off. Your mum is being daft. She has to remember its not her child, and step back accordingly. No need to get offended that her grandchild is loved.

Congrats on your baby btw.

Sewrainbow · 31/10/2018 08:40

Whilst they both overreacted I think your mum should be the one to back down.

Everything is new and stressful to a new parent. An experienced parent should appreciate this and give them the benefit if the doubt even if they think it's daftnness.

If your mum doesn't back down she is making problems for the future relationship and she has the most to lose in terms of seeing the baby

retainertrainer · 31/10/2018 08:54

Gosh my mum would be so hurt if my DH stopped her pushing the pram down a hill. I do understand he was feeling protective but it was OTT in that situation and I do think he needs to relax a bit. I think you could try and smooth things over between them.

randomsabreuse · 31/10/2018 08:57

Depends on the hill. Where I live there's some steep hills on roads where restraining a pram is bloody hard work, to the point I preferred a sling... all these hills end in roads/the river...

DevonshireCreamTea · 31/10/2018 09:03

Your boyfriend sounds like a weirdo sorry that kind of anxiety is not normal he should see his GP.

Nesssie · 31/10/2018 10:49

she should remember that in another month or so they will be both begging her to have the baby for an hour or two. - But she apparently isn't capable of safely pushing a pram down a slope...

Total overreaction.

citiesofbismuth · 31/10/2018 10:50

I think your dp has embraced the new dad protector role and was just being concerned for a small safety issue. The baby is still very young, so it's not unexpected for new parents to be a bit over protective.

Your mum needs to accept this and go with the flow because, ultimately, the baby isn't hers and she needs to be able to give space when required. I'm always reading threads on here where grandmothers seem to believe the new baby is actually theirs and the parents are just incidental. This isn't how it works and new parents can get quite stressed by grandparents being a bit pushy, especially over safety issues - minor or otherwise.