Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What do you do with parents/in laws who stay all day

30 replies

SitdownToby · 28/10/2018 10:00

And don't want to do much or engage with DC?

MIL and FIL are coming for the day and won't leave til 8.30pm.

They live a couple of hours away so, after a long drive, they don't want to go to, say a National Trust property so we just hang around the house looking at each other. We don't have much in common and the day drags.

It would be lovely if they lived closer and we could pop in or just go out for lunch.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
Raven88 · 28/10/2018 10:04

What time do they come? Is it for Sunday lunch. I would get some nice biscuits or cakes and make a pot of tea and coffee and just relax with them. What are your in-laws interested in?

Mummabear2212 · 28/10/2018 10:04

You make lots of excuses to go into the kitchen or upstairs. Mutter and swear under your breath, then go back downstairs, smile, offer to get anyone anything and continue making polite conversation. Start drinking (in the kitchen) at a socially acceptable time but be careful, you don't want to be loose tounged!

Or that might just be me....!

littlebillie · 28/10/2018 10:06

I would say the kids need a walk even if they don't it will break up the day

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
SoyDora · 28/10/2018 10:07

All day? Mine live abroad and stay for 7 days at a time, mainly playing on their iPads 😩. I just go about my business!

EvePolastriSorryBaby · 28/10/2018 10:07

If they live a couple of hours away, I guess them coming just got the morning would be a bit pointless.

Perhaps in future- arrange to meet halfway so that you can leave when you're ready?
Invite other family members too (maybe some from your side) so that it's not just silence and tension?
Say you have plans at, 4/5/6pm to go out to friends/ family. They'll have to leave then!
Start going housework, uniforms, hoovering etc early afternoon, they may get he hint and leave.

Or maybe try to find some common ground if you can?
Play a board game, insist on a walk for fresh air.

Mummabear2212 · 28/10/2018 10:07

Alongside the above, we very often go for a walk. It does break the day up and conversation tends to flow more than just sitting in the house.

CrazyOldBagLady · 28/10/2018 10:08

Can you maybe find a fun board game that everyone will enjoy? Put a film on for a bit? The suggestion to go for a walk with the kids sounds good.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 28/10/2018 10:08

Drink

ChoudeBruxelles · 28/10/2018 10:11

Mine only live 20mins away but whenever they come round they arrive ridiculously early and leave long after normal people would have gone. I take the dogs for a long walk. Try to engage them in playinga board game or cards.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/10/2018 10:12

How old / fit are they? The kids?

Lunch out at a pub / restaurant near a garden centre etc? Walk?

missmapp · 28/10/2018 10:13

Mine are like this. I drag them out. I say I am going with the kids and get the dc to nag them to come. My MIL normally agrees, and then has a good time, F IL sometimes stays with d h , but that works too. Sometimes it is just a
Local walk, but better than nothing !

SleepingStandingUp · 28/10/2018 10:15

Also I know the lower thread is serious but first glance did tickle me

What do you do with parents/in laws who stay all day
sittingonacornflake · 28/10/2018 10:16

@Mummabear2212 

Original poster
SitdownToby · 28/10/2018 10:22

Thanks for replies.

Raven - PiLs don't do cake and biscuits! They are extremely health conscious (and to be fair they are both slim and very fit in their late 60s/early 70s).

Eve - we've suggested meeting half-way but they think that's "odd" Confused

Definitely do a walk but that only kills a bit of the day. God - I wish they'd leave at 4pm!

OP posts:
EvePolastriSorryBaby · 28/10/2018 10:31

They think it's odd? How bizarre!
Insist on it for next time- say your loo has broken or you're having carpets cleaned or something!
Or say of course they can come...and babysit 🤪 You've got lots to do and it'll be a great chance to pop out without kids in tow.

Original poster
SitdownToby · 28/10/2018 10:34

SoyDora - 7 days? ! Though I could cope if they'd go on their iPads and I could MN.

They have lots of interests but if I ask about them it goes like this

Me: Are you still volunteering at the charity shop?
MiL: Yes. Why do you ask?
Me: Because I'm making fucking conversation!

Me: been on any interesting walks with your rambling group?
FiL: just the usual

To be fair they are probably composing an AIBU "how can we stop our DiL asking inane bloody questions?"

OP posts:
confusedofengland · 28/10/2018 10:38

My PIL live a similar distance & came for the day last weekend. Arrived around 11 & left around 8pm.

We had lunch & a natter, then went out to an Apple Day at a local farm. Then to country pub on the way home. This all took us up to about 5pm. Then we had a chippy tea, watched some easy TV (Pointless, You've Been Framed etc). Then DS2 & 3 went to bed, we had an hour's natter & PIL went home. DC are 4, 7 & 9, btw.

longwayoff · 28/10/2018 10:46

Take them out for lunch, followed by walk, ooh it's getting dark early, bye.

Original poster
SitdownToby · 28/10/2018 10:53

That sounds lovely, confusedofengland. It was easier when DS was younger because he sort of demanded attention and we'd just do things that occupied him.

He's 13 now and tries to chat but gets nothing back.

I do like the word "natter" Smile but PiLs don't really natter. They state an opinion as a fact and don't want any discussion.

OP posts:
WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 28/10/2018 11:00

We live a similar distance from PIL. Except, when we go to theirs, we are not invited/expected to stay the night, it has to be done as a day trip no matter how many children/what state of pregnancy/how much equipment we have to haul etc etc. Two retired fit people who travel light need to stay over night to recuperate from such a long arduous journey.

I'd make them go out somewhere tbh. Arrive at 11, quick cup of tea, out for visit to NT place, back for soup and bread, back round the park, they sit and entertain kids while you make dinner for 5.30, they head out at 6.45 while you put the kids to bed - early tonight because we need to get ready for the busy week ahead, Vera.

confusedofengland · 28/10/2018 11:53

I didn't realise I'd put nattering twice Grin Tbf, we do natter a lot because MIL has a very poor short-term memory (we think early dementia) so she repeats herself a lot, and we have the same conversations many times over.

Butterymuffin · 28/10/2018 12:00

If they don't want to chat, just leave them and have your own conversation. I have a relative like this and after a long period of working hard to make conversation, I realised that neither of us enjoyed it so I stopped! Now I use my phone while they are there, chat to other family members if they're around, etc.

Also recommend board games (don't take no for an answer), family film on to watch, or garden centre trip out to break up the day.

woollyheart · 28/10/2018 12:07

If they are not great at conversations, do they like doing anything specific? Could you get them to show or teach DS how to do something? Otherwise, very long walks or visits somewhere local. Tell them you all get bored sitting around, so a visit or activity is best.

PoptartPoptart · 28/10/2018 12:34

What does your DH do to entertain them? They are his parents after all!
It sounds like you already make an effort to chat, have a meal, suggest outings, etc. Not a lot more you can do really if they don’t want to engage.

formerbabe · 28/10/2018 12:42

Me: Are you still volunteering at the charity shop?
MiL: Yes. Why do you ask?
Me: Because I'm making fucking conversation!

Sorry op but this is hilarious!

Swipe left for the next trending thread