How do I break up with someone?

[Tattandthis]

I've never done it before and I've reached the point where I can't continue.

I plan on doing it tomorrow.

I'm so nervous. I have no idea what to say.

I don't want her out of my life completely, she is very isolated and would be quite alone. I'm happy to be friends, thats what we are right now really, no intimacy, though we aren't even good friends right now because I'm feeling so stressed.

I just don't know what to say. I'm terrified she will hurt her self (history of self harm and suicide attempts after breakups)

Any advice?

Does she have family to support her if she is going through a bard time.

Just be straightforward and do it quickly.

Simply tell her you care about her as a friend only and do not want to continue the relationship. If she asks why say because you only care for her as a friend and repeat. Say you willgive her space to deal with it and leave it at that.

As long as you are kind about it she will be OK. Who has helped her previously through breakups? Tell her tk ggo to them.

Do not leave any ambiguity especially if she is quite isolated as she may cling on to hope tjat you dont really mean it.

You need to be honest , im not sure its helpful suggestng you want to be friends because it can give false hope, ultimatley if she threatens suocide or self harms as harsh as tjis sounds thats her respnsibiliry not yours itz hard but just be honest and firm that you dont want ro be in a relationship anymore.

No. She has no friends.

Well she has one, but she's only socialised with her twice in 18 months.

She also doesn't speak to her family. Again seen her mother once in 18 months.

I feel terrible because she IS SO isolated but I can't live my life miserably.

Nobody helped her.

She ended up in a psych unit for a week after a suicide attempt.

Then she had to take a flat share with strangers

I feel like I'm abandoning her like everyone else but she has BPD and it's so tiring. She's just miserable all the time. Its pulling me down and I have my own mental health issues

I want to offer my friendship because I do care about her and she doesnt have anyine else. I don't want her to feel she is alone again completely.

It does spund like a very stressful situation but ultimatley if you dont want to be with her anymore than you have every right to break off the relationship , a clean break is often easier in the long run to come to terms with ime , she must realise you arnt happy ?

She does know but she keeps saying ' we can fix it'

We can't.

I've lost the will to.

Break ups are never nice unless both people are in agreement , its always going tobe hard foe person that doesnt want it , she will get over it though everyone does eventually .

I guess so.

My kids are gonna be so sad too

I told her.

She's just been quiet for 2 days. She hasn't eaten. She says we need to talk tonight. I feel shit

All a bit sad but basically it isn't really your problem. People can't be made to stay with people because of emotional blackmail. I am not suggesting you totally abandon her (although you may have to int he end) but she really needs to understand that you mean it.

I can't kick her out though. Send her to a homeless shelter when she is already vulnerable

Can you help her to find a room somewhere then? For some reason I assumed you were the one leaving. That does make it harder.

No, it's my house, housing association. I'm here with my kids. I'm on illness benefits. My life savings are £380 which is for Christmas.
She doesn't have a penny to her name either. We are both ill and just surviving day to day.mentally and financially.

It's so fucked up

I know it seems harsh, but you have to accept she isn't your responsibility, and you are not doing her any favours by letting her stay.

She's just saying she wants to make it work and I don't even want to try. That she would do anything to make it work

This is awful. But it's your house and she is not your responsibility. Help her to pack up all her stuff if needs be, but there must be a deadline. (e.g. "I need you to move out today/this weekend.") You will have a local housing office where they will have to put her into temporary accommodation as she has not made herself intentionally homeless. Then it's over to her, I'm afraid.

Too little too late. I remember your previous thread, and she has spent the past year not trying to make it work.

Be strong for everyone's sakes OP. Tell her that she must go to the council today or tomorrow. Don't let this drag out over the weekend.

Don't offer her false hope by being too attentive, be polite and pleasant, but not overfriendly or tactile. Don't agree to "meet for coffee/a pint" in the near future because it's likely she will take it as a come-on....cut contact for now, for her benefit, so that she can begin the rebuilding process.

And don't feel guilty! You are not responsible for her. She has made her own life choices.

Thankyou they I didn't want to post on that because I thought people would just read the first post and not the update.

She's guilting me big time and I'm just feeling angry now

She's putting it on me being ill

Yes I am ill. That's why I can't deal with this

She's said "I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to stop you drowning"

Wtf does that even mean

She is desparate. Can you help her witg the practicalities of moving out. Where did she live when you first met her?

EDITED BY MNHQ TO REMOVE MENTION OF METHOD

She walked out

Said she needed a walk

She's at the doctors waiting for crisis team

I can't deal with tjis
I have enough going on

I barely want to live myself

I can't have responsibility of someone else's suicidal tendencies too

She is where she needs to be seeking help.