How do I break up with someone?

[Tattandthis]

I've never done it before and I've reached the point where I can't continue.

I plan on doing it tomorrow.

I'm so nervous. I have no idea what to say.

I don't want her out of my life completely, she is very isolated and would be quite alone. I'm happy to be friends, thats what we are right now really, no intimacy, though we aren't even good friends right now because I'm feeling so stressed.

I just don't know what to say. I'm terrified she will hurt her self (history of self harm and suicide attempts after breakups)

Any advice?

This sounds really difficult.

You aren’t the right person to help her through this though. It’s really hard to stay friends with an ex partner especially when the break up was one sided.

It’s good that she has gone to get help.

Should I go to her? Go with her to hospital

She won't call her mum

Say she can come back here after. She's no where to go yet

Would going with her give her false hope? My ex used to threaten suicide to make me stay and for a while it worked, I stayed. I was miserable and it just dragged out the inevitable, I left eventually (and he didn't do what he had threatened). I know it is hard but she is in the right place for now.

She has attempted suicide before.

She doesn't want me there

I just don't know where she will go when discahrged

I feel awful

Like is should have just kept my mouth shut

You can't live someones life for them, or be held hostage under the constant threat of "do what I want or I'll hurt myself".
If you standing up for your own needs and saying "this just isn't working for me" is enough to entirely shatter their existence then that was always going to happen at some point and you may as well both get through that pain so you can both start to come out of the other side.

Ring her mum. Even if she doesn't want you too.

Ring her friend. Even if she doesn't want you too. Allow them the opportunity to step up and take some of the responsibility off your shoulder.

All failing contact the crisis team and make them aware of the full situation and history....so they can help her.

Then take some time for yourself

We've been at a&e for 5 hours.

Just seeing nurse now. Am waiting outside

Where do your children come in all of this drama? Sorry, I don’t know
of your previous threads but it all sounds quite a miserable situation for them to be in.

My kids aren't exposed to ANY drama. They were told we had gone to visit my partners mum. Rather than A&E. Any discussions we have take place When they are at school or their Fathers.

They see everything as rosy which is actually quite unfortunate because they won't understand why we are sad, to them everything is good as we put happy facade on.

And besides, mental health issues can't be helped. It doesn't mean we are bad parents it just means we have to work 100× harder to be good ones. Which we do.

I find your comment quite insensitive and patronising TBH.

Would you condemn a cancer sufferer for bringing 'drama' to their children's lives?
Mental health issues are just as unavoidable as physical illness.

She’s manipulating you into what she wants. She may be ill but this is also abusive. You can only help her so far, ans she has MH support services with her.
Remember in the event of emergency put your own oxygen mask on first........

Again that may sound harsh but it is concerning that you are in effect sacrificing your life for her

Clean break now. She used a suicide attempt to manipulate you. You have to go clean break. For yourself as much as for her.

No, sorry, you have brought this person into your life and your children. It is drama and your children will pick up on things. You’re devoting much of your time to her, time as well as thoughts which means she comes first regardless of whether you care to admit it. You say she is a friend and now a partner and also a parent so I’m a bit confused as to the situation but either way, as harsh as it may sound, you aren’t doing your children any favours.

Because we all have a crystal ball right?

And when we 'bring someone into our children's lives' we know exactly how it will turn out?
Of course not.
And you have no idea the lengths I go to to shield my illness from my kids. It's what I do. It's why I'm so exhausted.

So you can judge me on many things but exposing my kids to bad shit just doesn't happen. Those kids are so happy, well looked after and smart.
It's the only thing in my life I'm proud of.

Im sorry but you need ro walj away from all of this for your own mental health it sounds like an incredibly difficult situation but the relationship is over its not your fault of hers that it isnt working out it just isnt she will get over this howevet hard it is right now its for the best .

Oh well, it’s all ticketyboo in that case. As you were.

Yes, your own life is exhausting. That's why you can't waste any more energy on your ex. This is unsustainable. Clean break. She doesn't walk back into your house when she's out of hosptial. This is a good opportunity to ensure she gets looked after. Be 100% clear with the hospital that she does not live at your address, you are not her carer, she's having trouble accepting that it is over, you cannot have this crazy in your home with your children.