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Original poster

Am I a CF for wanting to do this?

42 replies

anothernamechange40 · 26/10/2018 13:13

Name changed but been around for years.
Really don't want to drip feed or be outed.

DH has had a tough year. We both have.

We have money worries and less coming in than we used to have. Savings are propping is up but we will be able to turn this round.

Our DS is being assessed for ASD.

MIL and PIL moved to Ohio about 3 yrs ago. They have come back to visit about every 6 months. We have not had the money to visit them.

PIL has messaged me to say they want to pay for flights for us all to come out and see them. This is a truly amazing and a once in a lifetime holiday. It would be for one week, staying with them.

DH and DS will be so excited, words can't convey how they will feel.

MIL does not like me but tolerates me.

Is it a bit CF Hmm of me to price up the cost of internal flights to Disney land and 1 week accommodation there as well?

If our flights and accommodation are sorted by MIL and PIL, I think we might be able to afford Disneyland. Is this wrong for me to suggest? I can't really ask DH what he thinks as it's a surprise.

DS asks about visiting them and Disneyland at least once a week. He doesn't understand how big a country it is, I've shown him on maps. He keeps a hight chart for how tall he is, and marks off his favourite ride at each theme park, asking if we can visit when he's tall enough for it. DS is high functioning in a lot of ways, obsesses and struggles with transitions. Whilst I want to do an amazing thing and tag on Disneyland, I'm not sure he would understand if it wasn't part of the trip, iyswim.

WWYD?

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 26/10/2018 13:22

I would say it would be acceptable only if your inlaws were invited along and you paid for their flights and possibly accommodation.

Singlenotsingle · 26/10/2018 13:27

I can't see why it should be a problem. The ILs pay for flights and you stay with them for a week, then you pay for internal flights and accommodation at Disneyland. (The ILs wouldn't want to go to Disneyland anyway.)

hellojim · 26/10/2018 13:28

It sounds like you want to do a lovely thing for your son.

Do your ILs know that your money is tight at the moment? I think if they have offered the cost of flights because you are supposedly skint they may well think you were cheeky being able to afford what you are proposing. I think it might be better to get your DH's view on this. Why does your MIL not like you? Would this make her like you even less? It could seem that you could find the money for Disney but not for the family visit.

Broken11Girl · 26/10/2018 13:37

Not CF at all! They offered flights and accommodation, willingly, knowing your circumstances. You wouldn't be able to afford the trip otherwise, it's not as if you have thousands in savings but acted poor.
Internal flights won't be much, you could hire a car for even less if you ahd your DH don't mind driving, maybe a night in a motel in the way (no idea of the distance).
From my limited knowledge food in Disneyland is very expensive, and with a child with ASD as well, I'd bringyour own snacks as far as you can.

jemmysmum · 26/10/2018 13:40

Why don't you mention your plans to the in laws and just explain the situation, and that your not being mean and money is an issue at the moment but it would be an absolutely fantastic opportunity for your son and maybe a once in a lifetime chance to go.

acivilcontract · 26/10/2018 13:47

We had a very similar situation and while I was okay with it as an idea by the end I felt a little like I had provided a staging post for the family members involved to do their own holiday largely at my expense. I think it only really works if you ask them to come with you. You also want to check flight costs, they are more than you would think in the US.

Plexie · 26/10/2018 13:57

Only acceptable if the cost of the internal trip to Disneyland is far far less than the cost of visiting your inlaws.

We have not had the money to visit them.

But now that they have offered to pay, you have suddenly found spare money for an extra trip?

Cost it up by all means, but think carefully about how to bring it up with the family.

PuppyMonkey · 26/10/2018 14:03

Do you know how much it will cost to go to Disneyland already?

Yonijust · 26/10/2018 14:06

MIL does not like me but tolerates me

I wouldnt go, but would send DS & DH, if they wanted to go.

Original poster
anothernamechange40 · 26/10/2018 14:24

I don't know how much it will be yet, I've asked a friend who is a travel agent to cost it up for me and keep it absolutely secret. If we did it, it will be 90% on a credit card and I'd need 2 yrs ish to pay it back. Assuming £100 per month to pay back the card.

MIL doesn't like me and we've come to accept that. FIL is fine with me and we get on well. I walk on eggshells around her. It's been easier since they moved away, we have had them stay with us each time they visit.

We go as a family or not at all. We have had to be clear with this in the past, as DH and DS were being invited to family get together a without me. There was no big drama. Over the years she has sought to exclude me. She didn't visit DS when he was born and wouldn't hold him for more than a month. Then she only held him when I wasn't around. That's when DH started to insist that he would not visit alone and allow me to be excluded. I'm proud of him for standing up to her. We've been together 14 years.

Yes it's true, I wouldn't put a visit to in-laws on our credit card and leave us really skint for 2 or so years. Equally, I wouldn't put a trip to Disneyland on the credit card either. I'm only considering it because some of the cost will be subsidised. That's the truth and why I think it might make me a cheeky fucker.

OP posts:
TakeAChanseyOnMe · 26/10/2018 14:30

Orlando or the Californian one? The one in California is referred to as Disneyland and the Orlando is Disneyworld. For Orlando you’d be looking at several thousand pounds for a week, excluding flights.

There’s theme parks in Ohio that are very popular - would DS settle for one of them?

ButterflyWitch · 26/10/2018 14:34

So you can’t afford to visit the GPS but can afford to tag on a trip to Disneyland? I totally understand why you’re considering it but don’t think it’ll go down well with the in-laws

Aridane · 26/10/2018 14:38

I would think it a bit off - what does DH think?

Original poster
anothernamechange40 · 26/10/2018 14:40

Oh dear. I've no idea which one. I don't think DS would know the difference, I'll have to check his YouTube history. He watches videos people have made while they are on the rollercoaster.

I don't think DS would get excited about a different theme park, he fixates on the rollercoasters. We have a theme park near us that he refuses to go to because the rollercoaster isn't big enough.

I need to look in to a lot of things first.

OP posts:
ShesABelter · 26/10/2018 14:45

Personally, I would never keep such a big financial decision like this from my dh and would be annoyed if he tied us to 100 a month payment for two years if I were in your situation.

I think you should discuss it. Definitely.

LemonBreeland · 26/10/2018 14:48

Honestly if you are going to be putting it on a credit card that will take you 2 years to pay off, you can't afford it. I get that it would be lovely for your DS, but that is a very silly use of credit. Save up instead.

Feelings · 26/10/2018 14:50

If I were your PIL's I think I'd be passed at the fact you could pay money to go Disneyland but couldn't pay to go and see them in the first place.
I do think it's cheeky you're using them to fly you out so you can get in a trip to Disneyland, and if you didn't think it was even the slighted bit rude you wouldn't have made this thread.

You're looking for validation so that you don't feel as bad for using your PIL's.
I can perhaps see why MIL might not get on with you if this is something you commonly do.

mama1980 · 26/10/2018 15:05

Honestly yes it's a bit cheeky but if they are reasonable and you explained what you have here I personally wouldn't mind.
But given your difficult relationship.....I'd be careful. Could you ask them to join you? Talk about all going together as a extra surprise for your ds?

SpottingTheZebras · 26/10/2018 15:10

If they are paying for you because you otherwise cannot visit them and they know you have money issues, then I think it would be quite rude - unless they are very well off and it is the kind of financial gesture they often make.

A trip to Disney World (Orlando) for a week will cost more for each of you than a flight each from London to Ohio.

Eastie77 · 26/10/2018 15:25

I don't think you are a CF but honestly, you cannot afford the trip to Disneyland/world if you will be paying it off for 2 years. I would be extremely annoyed if I was your DH and you sprung this kind of financial 'surprise' on me.

Why don't you save for a couple of years instead and then take DS when you have enough put aside? That way you can go independently of this visit to your PIL and avoid any awkwardness or bad feeling.

SeaToSki · 26/10/2018 15:33

Have you thought of going to Cedar Point in Sandusky Ohio. Its billed as the roller coaster capital of the world. Maybe you could get DS to watch a few you tube videos about "The Top Thrill Dragster" and see if you can convert him over. Then maybe you can ask MIL and FIL if they would give DS a day trip to that park as his early Christmas present. Just check on the opening times as it might close for the winter (one benefit of California and Florida!)

PrimalLass · 26/10/2018 15:38

don’t think it’ll go down well with the in-laws

So what. The MIL is horrible to her and OP is willing to ignore that to go with DH to visit his parents. Just do it, OP.

HereForTheLineEyes · 26/10/2018 15:52

Cedar Point as suggestes by seatoski sounds like a great idea.

I really don't see how taking the 3 of you to Disneyland including park tickets (v expensive), internal flights, accommodation, food etc could possibly be cheaper than 3 flights from the UK to Ohio. Have you priced it up realistically to make sure?

Unless the Disneyland trip is dirt cheap vs flights to see PIL I would say yes, you are being cheeky.

You would essentially be indicating that if you really want something (the Disneyland trip) you find a way to achieve it, but you haven't found a way to visit your PIL, so you mustn't really want to see them.

I would imagine the risk of them getting offended and retracting the offer of free flights would be quite high....but you know them best, what do you think? You could end up not touching foot on US soil at all.

negomi90 · 26/10/2018 16:01

I fly longhaul to the us a lot. A return flight and nothing else (as car and accommodation will be with the in-laws) is far cheaper than a week in Disney (tickets and accommodation and extra food costs as food is more expensive).

hypatiently · 26/10/2018 16:36

Off the main topic question but since you mentioned it:

If your DS is looking for large rollercoasters, Disney (World or Land) isn't really the place to go. I'd recommend Six Flags Great Adventure or Universal.

I love Disney but they are more about theming and immersion in an experience rather than size of the rollercoaster.

If that doesn't put you off - choose Disney World in Florida rather than Land in California. It has four parks vs. two - so more rides.

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