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Original poster

Young adult paying their way

28 replies

BundyLancroft · 26/10/2018 10:14

DS has just turned 20. Is living at home and working about 20 hrs a week for a low wage. It will vary as he can do overtime. We have spoken about him giving me a contribution towards the costs of his upkeep. He is saving for travelling adventures. How much would be fair to ask him to pay? A fixed amount or a %?

I want to teach him all the right life lessons. Plus I could do with some help. He buys a lot of his own food and his gf is here about half the week.

OP posts:
Millipedewithherfeetup · 26/10/2018 10:29

I think a fixed amount would be fair...his overtime will then be his to save/spend.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/10/2018 10:31

A fixed amount as a % of her normal earnings makes sense and is what happens in the real world.

Do you want his gf there half the week or has it happened by stealth? Is she paying rent where she is the rest of the time?

Original poster
BundyLancroft · 26/10/2018 11:58

How much fixed amount do most young people pay? I literally have no idea. He is still my baby and I feel awkward about the whole thing, but I know it's the right thing to do. How else is he going to learn about paying his way?

Stealth with GF! Definitely. It has just 'happened' over the course of a year. She lives with her parents. My DS can't stand them so they end up here most of the time.

OP posts:
wrenika · 26/10/2018 14:21

I'd charge him 1/4 of wage and if you can afford to, put it aside for him later.

Kezzie200 · 26/10/2018 14:28

Many years ago I was charged 1/3 of my normal wage. When I moved out, my Mum gave me a cheque for it as she had saved it for me. Very useful that was too!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/10/2018 15:16

DS paid me £50 a week. I figured he ate about £35 of food, and used a lot of hot water and leccy.

To be fair he was on about £19k.

nicebitofquiche · 26/10/2018 15:25

If he's only working 20 hours on minimum wage I'd ask for a token £10 quid a week

Idontmeanto · 26/10/2018 15:32

I think 1/2 of his earnings. If that’s more than you need to cover the expense of him being at home save it for him and give it to him when he moves out. It will be harder for him/them to go eventually if they get too used to a high disposable income.

Idontmeanto · 26/10/2018 15:34

When I say 1/2 i’m Assuming that would cover rent, utilities and Mum still doing a good shop from which he can help himself.

Kate123cl · 26/10/2018 15:47

Hi, I'm 20Smile I'm not on much, take home just under 1k a month and pay parents £200 a month. X

surlycurly · 26/10/2018 15:49

I think a fix rated is reasonable. And a third of his average wage that way he can decide what to do with his overtime.

Original poster
BundyLancroft · 26/10/2018 15:50

roughly I think he will earn about 150 to 200 pw if he does overtime. He will never agree to half his wages being surrendered! He has no other living costs besides buying food he wants and clothes (which he rarely does), he gets lifts to and from work most times. I've not changed anything since he left school a year ago. I still pay for his phone but that is going to stop (when he bloody calls them!). It's time for him to grow up.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 26/10/2018 15:56

I want to teach him all the right life lessons.

^You can do this without charging him extortionate rent. 50% is way too much

Storm4star · 26/10/2018 16:42

My DS buys all his own food and cooks his own meals. He also pays half the gas and electric (just me and him here). My point being you have to look at your own personal circumstances to decide what's fair. If you need the help, then what do you need the help on? I think it's difficult to say a fixed amount just for the sake of it. Not fair to you or him.

incendio · 26/10/2018 16:50

I gave my parents £100 a month until I moved out this summer. I think it has helped me get used to managing my money as my share of my mortgage isn't much more so it's got me into the swing of it!

Rebecca36 · 26/10/2018 16:51

I'd have thought £25 a week was fair, he's not earning a lot. However it does depend on your circumstances, if you need more, ask for more.

RedPandaMama · 26/10/2018 16:56

I thought about 20-25% is standard. Maybe £30 a week?

catmum94 · 26/10/2018 16:57

When I started working full time when I was 19, me and mum sat down and looked at the household finances. We're very close so always open about this stuff anyway which I suppose most parents might not be and in the end decided I would give her what she lost in housing benefit and tax credits by me becoming an adult and getting a full time job. I think the best way to teach him important lessons and make him understand why he has to give you money is to understand what he costs for you to look after him.

I also think 1/4 of his wages is fair so £200 a month?

user1457017537 · 26/10/2018 17:01

£100 per month if you need it or are losing benefits.

happygirly1 · 26/10/2018 17:01

Around ten years ago I was paying my parents 25% of my take home pay. This was consistent from when I was paid very low until I was earning a much higher wage. So if I did overtime one month, my contribution would be higher.

I always paid my own phone contracts, car insurance, MOT, petrol etc.
My parents paid for all household bills and food and that's what my contribution went towards.

I always felt it was fair, even at the time. Turns out they'd secretly saved it the entire time and presented me with a lump sum when I moved out!

I plan to do something similar with my DCs when the time comes.

GemmeFatale · 26/10/2018 17:07

I’d say £200 per month is reasonable. He can always try elsewhere if he thinks that’s too expensive.

I’d also charge the girlfriend if she’s staying that often. Say £50 a week (which is a bargain for 3 nights a week)

JaiNotJay · 26/10/2018 17:16

I think £200 a month is fair. On these threads, people always suggest saving up whatever your DC gives you and giving it back as a lump sum, which I guess is nice to do if you can afford it, but I always think it sends the wrong message if you ask for a contribution to household running costs and don't end up using any of it for that purpose. My mum always spent the money we gave her!

Petalflowers · 26/10/2018 17:20

If he’s earning £600-£800 per month, then maybe £150 per month.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/10/2018 17:21

You say you need the mowny so how much do you need him to contribute? If DGF is there do they buy their own food? She might use water and shower but can't see she costs much more extra otherwise??

20-25% of his basic wage I'd say? So 30-40 a week then with his food on top plus phone, that's a reasonable amount for him to still have a life and save. His OT is his own then too

LemonMousse · 26/10/2018 17:23

While DD was on her apprenticeship and earning about £400 per month I would take £40 per month from her to cover the cost of her phone contract.
Now she's completed the apprenticeship and earns more I asked if she could contribute a little more.
She voluntarily offered £100 which I think is about right.