Anyone ever felt sad about having a big baby?

[readysetcake]

My DS is the most gorgeous, beautiful, happy soul and I’m so lucky to have him and feel awful for thinking this. But he’s 5 months old and on the 98th percentile, in 9-12 month clothes and it makes me sad.

I know it’s just my stupid PND looking for any excuse to make me sad. But he’s my last baby and I feel like I missed out on the small snuggly phase as he just grew exponentially from birth. I feel reset just thinking about it.

Anyone else ever felt a bit sad their baby grew so fast? Or have I crossed into the realm of the utterly ridiculous?

*I feel tearful just thinking about it

I think you know you are being U but that’s your upset, no one can tell you what your upset about isn’t okay. I am sure you will get over it.
As a prospective from the another side, my son (also 5 months now) was born a month early and was too little for all his clothes so everything I brought had to be given away :( he is still in his 3 month clothes now!

Never felt like this - my baby was “big” too, but still felt small and cuddly compared to me Objectively I would say it is really not a sad thing to have a healthy baby who happens to be at the top of the percentile charts.

As you have PND though I reckon that’s what these thoughts are. Are you getting some support?

My DS was on the 99% line at 5 months. He was the chubbiest baby you can imagine
He could only wear gap socks as any others looked like they were going to cut the circulation off. One little boy liked his ‘muscles’ when we were in the swimming pool. Honestly it looked like he had 15 elasic bands on his arms!
I loved his chubbiness, I always think it is good when babies are large in case of illness (so they have reserves to lose)

I get you .
My third was almost 11lb at birth and by 5 weeks was in 3-6 months . It never really felt like having a newborn .
My fourth was a bit smaller , almost 10lb at birth and now at 7 months he's just gone into 12-18 month clothing . It feels like they haven't been 'newborns' for very long at all .

But I do enjoy the cuddliness that comes with a bigger baby - they're more like little chubby teddy bears . And I worry less about squishing them ect 😳 I think I'm coming across weirdly and not explaining properly here . But I do understand how you feel

My DS was a 98th centile baby. He’s now 16mo and over the top line on those charts. He’s in 2-3 clothes.
I also had really severe PND so can really relate to how much it makes your thinking go skew whiff, for want of a better word.
I hope you’re getting some real life support, PND is an absolute fucker x

Mine are both giant so don't think I ever had that tiny phase 🙈 I expect DC3 will be even bigger... My kids are in at least one size up and I am happy I know they are fed well growing etc. And that makes me swell with pride.

So yea I think this is PND related or because possibly you are not really done?

I don't know I've never been broody until the pregnancy hormones kicked in...

My ds was a massive baby, in the 99percentile. But he was strong and active and sturdy so I concentrated on those qualities instead.

My first was on the 2nd centile. Second came out a bit below the 50th but really long, never fitted in the newborn stuff I’d carefully saved, and rapidly zoomed to the 98th centile. I did feel a bit cheated, to be honest. I don’t think you’re being ridiculous at all, but worth focusing on the lovely things about your baby and why they’re special. Spend a bit of time just staring at them being a (very little really) baby

I had one long baby and one very chubby. To be honest I found it a relief not to have a small baby as they look very delicate and I’d worry about accidentally hurting a tiny baby.

PND is horrible and can make you think all sorts of irrational stuff. I had it after DD1, but not DD2. Once I started thinking straight after having DD1, I realised that assuming your baby is utterly superior to any other baby out there is probably the best way forward.

thanks for the replies. I’m glad I’m not the only one in the world to have had these thoughts cross my mind. But It’s as I thought, PND is making my thoughts go wobbly and making me dwell on it. It’s like I fucking sabotage myself. I’ve had a good, busy day feeling fine. But an evening to myself and my thoughts turn all dark and I’m feeling so sad over having a large baby. Who is healthy and beautiful (which I am beyond grateful for). Why is my brain such a dick?!

I’m in contact with my health visitor and have spoke to GP. I’m trying to avoid meds as I don’t feel awful all the time. I can have really good days but then feel so, so shit and low out of no where and dwell on stupid things. It’s exhausting.

Yanbu as it's your feelings. However I agree with a pp about the newborn stage being very fragile. I found the 6 month age as the stage when mine became 'proper' babies - cooey, smiley, interactive. (Mine were about 3.5kg at birth.)

I totally understand the feeling. My 4th has been my biggest so far, and even without pnd, I mourn every sleepsuit he grows out of

If it helps, my first was tiny due to IUGR and instead I felt so guilty that I hadn't grown him better (and still do, one of the plus sides of having a big baby is that you probably won't end up worried about having a son who's forecast an adult height of 5"4).... As you say, mother guilt will find a way.

Good to hear you're getting support, do be kind to yourself in the meantime, it sounds like you love your sturdy little man very much and are doing a great job

What’s the thoughts behind the wanting to avoid meds? Not having a go, genuinely interested. I took antidepressants for 7 months. Just whilst my hormones (and that’s what’s causing all of this, it’s not you!) settled down. I sort of likened it to having a broken arm and needing a pot, I needed the meds so I could heal, they were just a support whilst I fixed myself.
As an aside I’ve got a big bag of boys clothes you can have, don’t want anything for them, DS grew out of them so fast and I’d love them to go onto someone else

But obviously what works for one doesn’t work for another x

Chunky babies are gorgeous. As a previous poster says, it means they have some reserves to draw on when they get the inevitable colds/ sickness bugs.

Yes me! My baby was 8lb 3oz at birth, but was long and thin and newborn clothes drowned him. He was diagnosed with CMPA and his prescribed formula made him balloon almost over night.
I wasn't sad at the fact he wasn't small, because he was still cuddly, I used to get upset about the CONSTANT comments.
Family and friends used to affectionately greet him as 'chunk' or 'chunky monkey', people in the shops used to say things like 'you're feeding him well', mums at groups used to ask me weekly 'what size is he wearing now', like it was going to change weekly. A friend actually said to me once 'did you spray that baby grow on him'. It used to really get me down, but he's now 2 years old, and is no different in size to any of his friends.
If you're feeling low, it'll exaggerate any little niggling feeling, but I'm sure it'll soon pass

I've just reread my post, I didn't mean to brush it off with 'it'll soon pass'. What I meant was, you'll come through the other side of PND, and the feeling of missing that stage of a tiny baby will pass x

Take whatever help you need, OP.

On a lighter note, I gave birth to three whoppers (not all at once, thank god 😱- few years in between). Honestly they were born like toddlers. I thought my last one was going to jump into his car seat and strap himself in! When I see newborns out and about now, I think 'what?! So dinky'.

My first was 9lb 6oz st birth and my 2nd is looking likely to be larger. I do feel a bit cheated of the tiny newborn stage and newborn clothes - he went straight into 0-3 months. On the other hand the early weight loss days were much less of a worry and he’d always felt a bit more robust. He’s now about the same size as all his nursery friends.

Op, I’m sorry you feel so down.
The thing that I learned from my pnd is that whatever I focused on, I got more of. I used to force myself to write a list of 10 things I felt grateful for every evening. It really stopped me focusing on problems, and then the problems taking over.
Are you getting any support in real life ?

I can understand because I was born a massive baby and, looking at photos of myself, I didn't look like an adorable small newborn. I looked like a gross fat lump. (sorry, I'm sure your baby is cute but that's just how I looked). Mum never stops talking about what a massive fat baby I was, even today, and I'm 32!

DS2 is below the 2nd centile - 23 weeks old and 12lbs 13 this week. I wish he was bigger! He is small and has only just stopped being like a newborn, but I spent three months worrying about his weight gain every day.

He’s now happy, gorgeous and meeting all his milestones.

I think it’s one of those where no one is ever happy and everyone compares to everyone else even though that’s crazy. If you’re feeling a bit out of sorts right now I can understand why you’re fixating on this one issue.

Yes. Although none of mine were really big, with one of mine I felt I missed out on the "oh how tiny they are" stage.

Partially because at that point I'd had a lot of contact with other newborns, I suspect, so they'd have had to be seriously tiny for me to think that.

You know mine were average birthweight, but I totally get what you describe. I love all baby stages but there is something so precious about a teeny, wobbly, unfinished newborn with its warm, fuzzy head. Friends’ 6lbers reduced me to mush. Objectively, they are often a bit peculiar looking, and when I was little in the 70s, older, plumper babies were always used to promote baby products, but I just love that goblin stage. I very slightly mourned mine growing so quickly, and I still love teeny, tiny babies. It’s only after reading posts on Mumsnet that I realise I’ve almost certainly tactlessly annoyed/upset some mothers in the past by twittering about how tiny their babies are, - not thinking they might be struggling with feeding/ having been premature and feeling anxious about them being small. I haven’t done it since and I’m embarrassed at my obtuseness.