Anyone ever felt sad about having a big baby?

[readysetcake]

My DS is the most gorgeous, beautiful, happy soul and I’m so lucky to have him and feel awful for thinking this. But he’s 5 months old and on the 98th percentile, in 9-12 month clothes and it makes me sad.

I know it’s just my stupid PND looking for any excuse to make me sad. But he’s my last baby and I feel like I missed out on the small snuggly phase as he just grew exponentially from birth. I feel reset just thinking about it.

Anyone else ever felt a bit sad their baby grew so fast? Or have I crossed into the realm of the utterly ridiculous?

My 1st was 9lb 2oz, 2nd 9lb 5oz and my 3rd was 7lb 7oz. My diddler actually looked like a tiny newborn, my 2 big ones seemed to come out looking like 6 week olds. They were on a really high percentile. My 9lb 5oz is 6ft 2in and scrawny thin now. Actually my tiny one is 6ft 4in now!

I hear you about clothing though, I have always bought big, long arms and legs.

I had one tiny one and one giant one. My youngest (giant one) is 8 now and I feel a bit sad that he is too big for little boy clothes that he would still fit into if he wasn't so tall plus he's a size 5 adult shoe. In a couple of years, I'll be shopping in the mens department for him. I also can't carry him any more but can still easily carry my dinky 9 year old. When I cuddle him and he reaches my shoulders (and I'm tall) I get a bit wistful. I'm thinking he'll be taller than me by the time he's 12. It would be nice to be able to easily sit him on my knee still like I can his big sister. They grow up fast enough as it is!

Stuck mother guilt will certainly niggle you about something. I don’t think any mother is immune!

@faster I’m not anti meds’ and have been on them before years ago pre kids. I’m avoiding them as I’m worried about the side effects. I remember feeling worse before better before and having other unpleasant symptoms. I really don’t want that this time with two kids to look after. My husband is also ignorant when it come to mental health. He’s a lovely man and very kind and helpful but is often of the “pull yourself together” old school attitude of his parents 🙄 he wouldn’t be against me taking them but wouldn’t understand so I guess that’s influencing me. And thirdly, I think because I don’t feel constantly terrible, do I really need them? Having been in the pit of depression before I recognise the feelings but not the coming and going. Before I’ve been constantly down yet now I can have days feeling great then crash back down.

Thank you so much for the offer of clothes, you’re very kind, but he has a lot of older cousins so we are not in short supply of the next sizes up!

@thursdaydreaming I’m sure you were adorable! I hope being a big baby and your mum going on about it hasn’t given you a complex? I’ve been saying to myself that I must not constantly remind him of being big as a baby and make him feel like he did something wrong. He’s perfectly normal, it’s my stupid brain at fault.

@SPR1107 I also struggle with all the comments. I know people are just making conversation and surprised at his age but I feel judged in some way.

@BlancheM, you did make me giggle. Thank you!

Oh not at all, I mean, it's no one's fault and not even a bad thing. Not like I could have done some foetus aerobics in there to slim down. But obviously it was quite a shock and it stuck in her mind.

When I was pregnant all I could think about was the massive fat baby inside. I booked an elective cs as I couldn't see it would be possible to birth such a monstrosity! However he was an average size baby when he was born. So maybe it has affected me a bit.

But as your baby is a boy he will probably be proud when he finds out he was already big and strong at birth.

Don't worry about what people say though, as you say they are just making conversation. I have a six month old and I often get comments "six months? Wow he's so big" and "six months? Wow he's so small" from different people on the same day.

I really felt like this, and would howl with tears whenever he outgrew something. Like SPR1107 we were on a cmpa formula which made him balloon in weight. I hated all the comments about it, even though they were meant kindly most of the time.

Although mine weren't so big they were very quick to be mobile.

Ds was walking at five months. Yep.

No more baby time for me.

He was my youngest too.

His big sis walked at six months.

Other people were impressed, I wasn't.

I'm not meant to have "babes in arms" and I missed that.

mydogishot without wanting to derail the thread, you do need to contact the Guinness book of records about your walking 5 month old, since even walking 6 month olds are exceptionally rare and end up in the news

Usually I let obvious silliness go, but on a thread with a worried mother with pnd, saying things like this can just plant seeds of worry or comparison where there shouldn't be any.

My DS was big and long and never felt like a new born. I loved his sturdiness and my DH definitely did. He has in fact said he hopes and future ones will also be big! (I’ll try my best dear!)

We certainly noticed it when on day one he filled up the hospital crib and could even get it rocking on his own! I did and do look at other newborns and think mine was never that little.

PND is tough but it is definitely worth talking to your HV or GP (or both) it’s not a given that you need meds but if you do then try to not feel differently about them than if they were for something physical. It’s not your fault and they have a job to do and it’s not forever.

When the thoughts like these strike and you feel bad maybe try thinking what you would tell a friend if they had just confided the same worry to you. We are generally much kinder to others than we are to ourselves!

Be kind to yourself OP and congratulations on your lovely baby!

( PS One other thing - although they weren’t the tiniest clothes at the time I found myself looking at some of his first bits the other day and marvelling at how weeny they are now he’s a big toddler!)

RLOU30 why did you give the larger clothes away? Did you not think your baby would grow into them eventually?

@Stuckforthefourthtime

Lots of early walkers do exist.

Average is 6-7 months in extended family.
My son was earliest, that's all.

It's been noted in his red book HV wasn't surprised.

Thought this was a thread about your baby not being a baby.

Not silliness at all, just sharing my story.

No need to berate for sharing.

Just because you don't believe doesn't mean it's not true.

Toofle it’s probably seasonal so the baby would have been the right size for winter clothes in the height of summer or vice versa

Yes and No.

Yes, I was sad my last baby missed the teeny stage. When I held him under his arms he never rolled into a ball.

No, I was not sad as I think it was due to his large size that he slept through the night from 5 weeks

It didn’t bother me so much when he was a new born, but now he’s a toddler he’s still 99th centile for length and people always think he’s older than he is and I get lots of “oh isn’t he doing xyz yet” “oh his speech isn’t that great for his age” he’s 18 months and does have quite a few words, and I know he is where he is supposed to be developmentally but it does make me feel a bit deflated even though they are mistaken for thinking he is older 😕

My son, also my last baby, was a big baby.
I felt a little tinge of saddness as he moved up each stage as I knew it was my last time experiencing it.

I was happy he was growing and thriving yet sad that he wasnt a small baby.

Arrrghhh all these conflicting thoughts and feelings mixed in with hormones & sleep deprivation and mammy guilt would wreck your head!!!

mrsb I think that is a lot of the underlying feeling- that I won’t have a litttle baby again and the baby stage is just passing so fast.

silver I worry he will get a lot of that if he keeps on this track.

Sadly my boy didn’t get the memo that large babies sleep through the night! And he’s only rolled over a couple of times and can’t sit up with out support yet. so I don’t think he’ll be walking anytime soon!

I felt the same way, I also had PND and PTSD. People are so quick to comment on babies size ‘gosh hope you had a section’ (I didn’t) ‘blimey he’s a big boy’ ‘do you ever stop feeding him?’ Blah blah I felt like an awful mother. I never felt I had a newborn, by 7 weeks I could prop him up on cushions and he was grinning at me. I always loved him, but the bond took a really really long time. PND is awful, I never ever want to live like that again. However, please don’t ignore or try to brush your feelings away, I wish I had spoken to someone sooner, acknowledged them, allow myself to work through them. I took ADs and that was a huge turning point for me.

Years on now, my DC is the absolute apple of my eye, I don’t care how big he is - he has levelled out and no one ever comments anymore (unless they pick him up, he’s solid!). Feel free to PM if you’d like to talk

Not at all. All of mine were big, the biggest was 10 lbs 3 at birth and this one is predicted to be 10lbs when born at 39 weeks on Monday (ELCS). DC3 was actually off the centile chart all together at one point. I’ve always loved the fact they were bigger babies personally, so chubby and cute. They’re all tall but normal weight now so it didn’t harm them.

As pp have said, my large baby is only just walking a few steps a day and he is 16 months old. My mum friends fret because their baby looks small next to DS; i fret because DS is still crawling about when they've been walking ages.

I do get proud though when people comment on his height. It reminds me that he is healthy and strong (if a bit lazy )

I hope that you feel better soon. PND is shit.

@SilverbytheSea i could have written your post! It's really annoying isn't it?

PND can really mess with you, can't it. DC1 was 8lbs13 and DC2 was 7lbs13. DC1 has pretty good head control from birth so it was a bit of a shock having to support DC2's.

They're both now at primary school and I when I see newborns I often think that I just can't remember mine being that small and then realise it's because they never were that small. An acquaintance thrust her 5 day old 6lber at me recently and I was really nervous as I knew I'd never held such a small baby and was worried old drop her or squash her or something whilst my acquaintance was clearly thinking "help! Need to deal with toddler. Donkeys is close and has had children and will know how to hold a baby". I was very relieved to give that baby back!

I think you’re right that it’s PND skewing your perception. 💐 Totally natural x

He might even out though. DS was nearly 12lb at birth - I literally don’t even remember the first feeling I had when I saw him (unlike with DD) because the midwife and DH had already exclaimed “holy crap he’s huge” and the first few days in hospital were all focused on that.

He ended up being actually rather small and he’s still (at 9) my snuggly little dude.

I was 11lb 3 (my poor tiny mum!) so I knew I’d have a wopper too - DS was 11lb.

I hear what you’re saying OP, my boy was so heavy that I’d nearly chuck friends tiny newborns over my shoulder when I picked them up as they felt so light in comparison!

My DS was normal size at birth 7lb 8ozs by one he was in age 2 - 3 clothes he was so tall he went from 50th centile to 99th in one year. I am only 5' 2" so when I would carry him, if he stretched out his feet were down to my knees .

People would ask can't he walk yet at 8 months old because I looked like I was carrying around a massive toddler .

He was heavy though and I had a workout just carrying him around, I got massive muscles in my arms.

My DS also had loads of long blonde hair which also made him look older than he was. .

I looked after a dinky little girl born two days after him and when I took them out in the double buggy people would think she was his little sister, she looked like she was a year younger than him. It didn't help that she didn't have much hair.

Mine was 8'7, so while now huge, she was definitely bigger than average.

I went to get her weighed a few weeks ago and there was this beautiful tiny little baby there who was a month older yet 2lb lighter than mine!

She was screaming her head off and my lump was there smiling.

Also mine slept all night from 8 weeks...