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Shit things so-called friends have said to you

32 replies

Hisaishi · 24/10/2018 10:50

I've always struggled with friendships, even from a very young age. As a result, I've sometimes hung out with people who didn't really respect me and who talked to me like dirt. I am feeling kind of shit about it today, even though none of them are major but it bothers me that so many people have so many bad things to say about me.

I went to a dance class (first time I'd ever been to a class since I was five or something). I had a great time, danced and chatted with loads of people. Very nice-on-the-surface touchy-feely social worker vegetarian friend-to-all type friend asked if I was going again. I said yes since I'd had fun and wanted to learn more. She said 'Really? You are a really wooden dancer, so I didn't think you'd want to go again.'

I know it's not insult of the century, but I felt so deflated. I'm sure I was wooden - it was my first class ever and I'm generally a self-conscious person so of course I sucked. I still kept hanging out with her (but eventually gave up on her because she kept saying shit like that.)

I think what annoys me is that, as I said, she's very much the 'earth mother' or whatever type so everyone goes on about how wonderful she is, how kind, how loving etc, but she always makes sly little digs at people, talks shit about people behind their back etc.

Anyone else had people say mean, passive aggressive shit to them?

OP posts:
Chuggachuggatoottoot · 24/10/2018 10:55

She sounds like a cow bag to me. Just ignore her if you can and go back. Might it be that she actually thought you were quite good and was jealous. (The newcomer who was chatting comfortably to people, getting on with it and enjoying herself). Perhaps look at it that way? Bullies are often insecure.

Hisaishi · 24/10/2018 10:58

Oh this is years ago, nothing recent. As I said, I gave up on her and we're no longer friends (even though she tried to apologise, but by then, I was over anything she had to offer.)

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 24/10/2018 11:03

Avoid anyone who advertises their kindness. They have to wear it/virtue signal because they are cunts OP.Flowers

formerbabe · 24/10/2018 11:08

No, I don't have friends like that. I do have a friend who is quite blunt..but it's a bluntness with no malice behind it iyswim.

HundredMilesAnHour · 24/10/2018 11:11

You need to work on your self-esteem OP. Easier said than done I know but....

You can't change the past but you can learn from it and move on to a better future.

MrsVietor · 24/10/2018 11:13

I had a friend who came to my new house, looked around and said 'how dare you have a nicer house than me!'

She tried to do the tinkly laugh thing but she meant it, and I knew it. Her entitlement and supposed superiority were showing.

Hisaishi · 24/10/2018 11:15

hundred as I said, this is in the past and I'm over it now, but just having a down day about it. My self esteem is fine these days.

OP posts:
MintGreen · 24/10/2018 11:16

I had a smug married 'friend' who took me to one side after a particularly nasty break up and told me I was aiming too high and I should set my sights on a man who was older or uglier instead, or risk being left on the shelf. I was 27 at the time. 6 months later I met my 29yo and drop dead gorgeous DH, and I've barely seen her since!

maxthemartian · 24/10/2018 11:16

OP I get exactly what you're saying. I have Aspergers and I've figured out it's a great Hidden Cunt detector. I have had various friends over the years be proper shitty to me, yet these are people that are widely held to be "lovely".

Nowadays I make sure to stick to genuinely nice people, not the ones that view my oddness is a weakness and use me as a verbal punch bag to feel superior to.

Hisaishi · 24/10/2018 11:17

mrs ugh, yes, that sounds like the kind of person this ex-friend of mine was.

I just don't get it. I can also be blunt but I don't run people down or give opinions that aren't wanted or try to wreck people's self-esteem. I just mean like if someone's behaviour is shitty or hurtful or whatever, I will tell them. But I would never tell someone they are a wooden dancer or they have a horrible nose (ex-boyfriend loved to tell me that) or that they have an annoying voice (another ex-friend).

I don't get people who say that kind of shit as though anyone cares about their opinion.

OP posts:
Hisaishi · 24/10/2018 11:19

max what is kind of weird is that recently my therapist suggested I get tested for autism. I already have a diagnosis for BPD and anxiety but she said that maybe autism is a better fit so your comment kind of resonates with me.

The so-called 'lovely' people have almost always come across as pretty horrible to me.

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 24/10/2018 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sofato5miles · 24/10/2018 11:21

Once, when a 3 month project, that i had extended to 12 months by upselling came to an end, a CFF, a senior in-house lawyer in financial services and rather smug, said "Oh well, we were all rather surprised when you got the job so none of us are surprised that you lost it".

Last year, I was called back in to run the region in the same company. At the same time , she lost her job. I couldn't resist telling her that i had been promoted.

maxthemartian · 24/10/2018 11:24

@Hisaishi I did think autism when I read your post tbh just as it resonated so much with me. Women with autism are frequently mis-diagnosed with BPD as we present differently to men. It's definitely something worth pursuing, I beat myself up a lot less now!

Hisaishi · 24/10/2018 11:33

Sarahjconnor jellyfish is exactly what they are! I like that. And I like your tactic, normally I'm pretty bad at even remembering to say stuff cos I normally just freeze cos I can't really comprehend someone being that rude.

sofa that's shocking Shock why would they say that?!?!?!

max I read that women are often mis-diagnosed with BPD and although I definitely have BPD traits, I do wonder about autism too since I've struggled from a really early age and have problems with eye contact and understanding people's motives etc. I'd have to get a test done privately (not in the UK) so I think I'll start saving up for that. Interesting that you thought autism when you read my post when I've JUST been told that I should get checked.

OP posts:
tectonicplates · 24/10/2018 11:51

Avoid anyone who advertises their kindness. They have to wear it/virtue signal because they are cuntsOP.

This.

Always be suspicious of Earth Mother types. They tend to talk a lot of pseudo-scientific bullshit and get away with it because of their peaceful tones.

FrazzyAndFrumpled · 24/10/2018 11:56

everyone goes on about how wonderful she is, how kind, how loving etc, but she always makes sly little digs at people, talks shit about people behind their back etc.

I know someone exactly like this. I mentioned my dislike of her to my boss, and she said that she had heard a lot of similar comments. She has now been moved to a different team.

Hisaishi · 24/10/2018 12:02

frazzy that's interesting. Maybe people are too scared to publicly speak up about such people.

OP posts:
FunSponges · 24/10/2018 12:08

"have Aspergers and I've figured out it's a great Hidden Cunt detector. I have had various friends over the years be proper shitty to me, yet these are people that are widely held to be "lovely".

YES!! I had a friend, everyone LOVES her and indeed she had some lovely traits. Except I could clearly see the shitty ones too, she always had to get her way and would keep mentioning something until everyone gave in and did what she wanted, all done in a lovely friendly way. I was the only one who would say no, don't fancy that and I could see she was manipulating. She also talked utter shit which was all joked about fondly by everyone else. I just thought the talked shit.

I have been diagnosed with aspergers too.

FunSponges · 24/10/2018 12:10

Oh and I still have a friend, she will do anything for anyone and I can really talk to her. However she is also very sneery and will make comments behind people's backs a lot. No one else seems to see this.

Heatherjayne1972 · 24/10/2018 12:11

Op your post reminded me of that scene in friends where the girls do a tap class and Rachel is fantastic but Monica isn’t
When she’s called on it Monica says
‘At least I’m doing it!’
Who cares if you were a ‘bit wooden’ if you enjoy it that’s what matters. ( I bet you were fine really)

MrsVietor · 24/10/2018 12:12

You know, the older I get the more sorry I feel for these people, who can only feel good about themselves by making someone else feel bad. What unsustainable, fleeting happiness they know, not the real deep kind that comes with true contentment.

Sarahjconnor · 24/10/2018 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IJustLostTheGame · 24/10/2018 13:13

I didn't realise people still did this shit over the age of 16.

Ioki · 24/10/2018 15:02

Went out to a big weekend away in London with a longtime friend of mine... I’m disabled and I get tired easily...we walked all day (as expected tbf - bearing in mind had I thought I’d struggle with the walking I wouldn’t have gone!)
She promised that we could rest somewhere after we visited whatever attraction - was always asking if I felt okay etc - I’d known her for years previous and thought she knew and was considerate about my needs.

So after about seven hours, the attraction came and went and we hadn’t sat down for a moment... kept quiet but my legs were like jelly so at that point I asked (politely!) if we could stop somewhere for a drink and a rest... she totally blew up at me Confused ‘we all get tired, suck it up’, ‘why did you bother coming with me if you were going to moan’ and other catty comments about me walking slowly behind her... honestly made me feel so awful. Now IF I had been moaning all day about how tired I was I can understand but after seven hours I had said nothing about it other than ‘oooh, my legs are so sore are we able to have a rest in McDonald’s?’

I’m ashamed to say I was so shocked (and in pain) that I burst into tears and went back to the hotel by myself... needless to say we don’t talk very much any more.

What a shitty comment for your ‘friend’ to make though, OP. Keep your head high and ignore her, don’t let her put you off. The bitch!