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Original poster

Why do people comment on my eating habits?

81 replies

flower76 · 24/10/2018 08:00

Yesterday I went for dinner with some people from work. I was not able to finish the plate, it was way too much and I would have felt bloated and tired if I had. Two people commented 'oh come on, really? You can finish that!' Etc. I didn't want a dessert for the same reason and there were comments about his too.
A couple of the people were overweight and I would have been slated for saying anything about how much they ate. Why is this acceptable?

OP posts:

upsideup · 24/10/2018 09:07

Most people don't know how to control their eating so just eat past the point of being full and end up overweight, they probably just felt threatened that you had the ability to stop and maintain a healthy weight.
Its just rude, somehow its socially acceptable to talk about someones weight and eating habits if they are healthy or underweight but if they are overweight its taboo

UnaOfStormhold · 24/10/2018 09:08

Portion sizes for meals out are often ridiculous, and unlike at home there's no control over what you are given. Have you considered going for a starter (served at the same time as the main courses) and pudding - I find this is often a manageable way of getting sensible quanties of food while still having variety.

Willow2017 · 24/10/2018 09:09

Just ask them how it is affecting them if you are full quicker than they are?
Just bloody rude to comment on someine ekses at the table.
As a waitress i throw loads of food away regularly as we serve big portions. (But we will do a carryout box if people ask to take it home no prob)
I wouldnt be forcing myself to.eat just to please some idiot who.cant comprehend everyone is different.

Original poster

flower76 · 24/10/2018 09:10

Yes I suppose I did do that dychmygol. But it was making the comparison that it would not be acceptable for me to say 'wow you ate so much food!'

On a side, I had to look up the word glibly and will try and use it now as I rather like it

OP posts:

BitchQueen90 · 24/10/2018 09:12

@Dychmygol but if it's OP's money then why is it anyone else's business? There are plenty of things that I think are a waste of money but if I'm not paying then it's got fuck all to do with me so I don't comment.

AtrociousCircumstance · 24/10/2018 09:14

It’s not wasting food to leave some on your plate if you’re full.

Other people’s upbringings and insecurities should have zero effect on how much you eat.

Your colleagues were annoying to make a big deal about it and it reflects their own issues. Don’t take it on.

Boredisboring · 24/10/2018 09:24

I would say that I am slim, not really skinny but people do think that it is acceptable to make judgemental comments about my physique. The worst one that I've had was an old friend of DH's that I was meeting for the first time. We were in a restaurant and I got up to go to the loo, he said "You off to make yourself sick then?". WTF!!

DieAntword · 24/10/2018 09:26

If you’re thin and they’re fat they probably thought you were restraining yourself out of a desire to be virtuous(=thin) and wished to make you feel comfortable to be indulgent rather than having any concept that you might actually not find eating yourself into a stupor indulgent at all.

Regnamechanger · 24/10/2018 09:28

Dychmgol that is a bit of a strange way to look at other people's eating habits. It costs the same to eat as much as you want of the meal without stuffing in more than is comfortable as it does to throw it all down regardless. As for wrapping up leftovers, I never do it because a) I don't want it sitting in my tiny handbag and b) I'm highly unlikely to re-heat last night's leftovers for breakfast.

I think portion sizes are getting larger, more like in the US, and it's not for me, so I just eat what I want and enjoy.

DinosApple · 24/10/2018 09:28

I suppose it was a comment on the waste, but DH does this and it annoys the fuck out of me! His parents were children in ww2, and were poor when he was growing up so it's very ingrained.

People do make comments on how much other people eat and it's equally rude and annoying.

DBro always are large portions as a child and he was 'teased' for his appetite especially by older idiots cousins. He was never overweight and is now 6ft 4 towering above...

ShotsFired · 24/10/2018 09:31

The OP seemed reasonable at first but then kicked in with the jibe about others being overweight, so now I'm wondering if this is one of those MN humblebrags about how the OP was entirely stuffed to the gills after eating half a lettuce leaf and a couple of lentils, while everyone else was gorging on a 10-course Roman feast.

greendale17 · 24/10/2018 09:35

I don't think they meant to insult you with your restrained approach to food. They possibly thought you weren't particularly enjoying it.

^This.

morningconstitutional2017 · 24/10/2018 09:38

Sounds like something subliminal going on here. The overweight ones know that they eat too much (and the reason why) but are trying to make you feel guilty when it's actually their problem.

I used to get this. I was only a little overweight but a few colleagues were more so. They didn't like me not wolfing things down when they weren't making any effort lose weight - I think it was the guilt behind their attitude that was speaking.

What can you do? You can't change them. You can only challenge them next time. Ask them firmly but politely why it bothers them. Ask if they'd like to finish your meal for you? You'll probably get a shocked refusal - they want to but don't want to be seen as greedy. And a firm 'not my problem' if they keep on at you (which they probably will). It's a bit like being the only teetotaller in a group of drinkers. I do feel sympathy for those who can't stop eating as it's an addiction like any other.

DurhamDurham · 24/10/2018 09:47

MN humblebrags about how the OP was entirely stuffed to the gills after eating half a lettuce leaf and a couple of lentils, while everyone else was gorging on a 10-course Roman feast

This is the type of rubbish I sometimes have to listen to. I'm slim, not skinny, but people like to assume I live on lettuce leaves. I eat normal portions, enjoy food and always stop when I'm full. If I'm eating out there's usually someone there who loves to point out that I've left some food on my plate and how I'm 'depriving' myself. I would never be rude enough to draw attention to their eating habits. I tend to ignore the comments but it is annoying.

Camomila · 24/10/2018 09:48

Restaurant portions tend to be bigger though don't they? I can't always finish a restaurant portion, especially pasta.

Tinty · 24/10/2018 09:53

It's less a commentary on your eating habits and more a commentary on the waste of food.

I used to think this also. I was brought up to finish my food, but when I am out in restaurants I can't make them not put too much on the plate for me to eat, (I ask for smaller portions, it rarely happens). I have rethought my mindset on wasting food and realise that eating extra food that you don't need is as much more of a waste of food than actually leaving the food so you don't feel uncomfortable or sick from too much food.

IrmaFayLear · 24/10/2018 09:55

I have a small appetite and try not to eat at restaurants where they serve mega portions as I hate waste.

Also, sometimes people who pick at food or carefully place their knife and fork together after eating half the meal come across as rather prissy rather than just not being up to the challenge of some places' portion sizes. Also if someone has suggested the restaurant it is a bit disappointing if someone else appears not to have enjoyed the meal. It appears rather a judgement on the occasion.

Tinty · 24/10/2018 09:59

From PP:

This is the type of rubbish I sometimes have to listen to. I'm slim, not skinny, but people like to assume I live on lettuce leaves. I eat normal portions, enjoy food and always stop when I'm full.

I don't think this, all my really slim friends, eat tons, I can never get over the amount of food some people can get away with eating. I have to eat smallish portions of food to stay at a reasonable size (I'm short), they can eat mountains of food, obviously the difference between slow and fast metabolisms. Mine is slow , would love to chow down on massive portions and eat tons of cake, but I can't.

SillySallySingsSongs · 24/10/2018 10:00

Sounds like something subliminal going on here. The overweight ones know that they eat too much (and the reason why) but are trying to make you feel guilty when it's actually their problem.

Or maybe they knew that OP was drinking large amounts of alcohol and were comcerned about her drinking and not eating.

Bestseller · 24/10/2018 10:04

Who knows what the truth is? You've interpreted what they've in a certain way way, which is just as likely to be reflection on your attitude to them being overweight as them commenting on your eating habits.

I am very interested in food and nutrition. I'm a fairly serious athlete, so fuel is food to me. I love my food but only eat "real" food and don't snack (apart from planned refueling after training).

People at work "comment" on the fact that I don't eat the rubbish put out at meetings. However, that means I'm hungry at meal times and eat what many would consider a huge plate. Neither way is better than the other actually it is just different. Differences interest people and they're likely to comment.

It is miserable eating out with someone who makes a point of having a tiny appetite/not enjoying their food though.

Mil is never hungry, but that's because she snacks constantly.

Chanelprincess · 24/10/2018 10:05

I was able to drink them all under the table afterwards though

It sounds as though you're proud of this. I'm sure many people would prefer not to take in vast amounts of empty calories from alcohol and eat well instead. I agree that it's not appropriate for your friends to comment on how much you're eating but it's equally annoying when people do the same about drinking.

Snomade · 24/10/2018 10:08

I also have a small appetite OP and it really annoys me when people speculate that any food I don't eat is 'wasted'. Whether I eat that remaining food or not, it was never going to be used for anything else!

Bestseller · 24/10/2018 10:11

I'd missed the bit about the alcohol.

So it's not OK for them to comment on what you eat,but it is OK for you brag about drinking more? I'd almost guarantee that they were concerned they'd be carrying you out if you kept drinking at that rate without eating properly. People who brag about their drinking capacity are almost always not as capable as they think they are (and far more annoying than a comment on food)

BrazzleDazzleDay · 24/10/2018 10:13

I can't eat a starter, pudding and often only half a main. My dh feels quite sorry for me, i feel bad that it's a waste but what can you do?

wopbamboo · 24/10/2018 10:13

Have you ever had an ED? Would they be concerned about that?

Are you one of those 'oh I couldn't posssssibly eat any more!' or 'JUST A SLIVER!' virtue signallers? I.E are they tired of your attitude about food?

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