Can anyone beat this for embarrassment?

[Anchorsaweigh]

A few years ago I was sick, really sick. Flu like thing.

But so was my dog. He needed the vet asap. He was being sick and verging on dehydration.

I don't drive and taxis won't take dogs so I had to get the bus.

I was really Ill. I feel like death warmed up. I went in my hoody and leggings with old uggs on and I left my hair in the bobble I'd slept in.

I managed to get through the appointment and got Ddog the antibiotics and meds he needed.

I started to walk home but started going dizzy, I was getting a temp again.

I called a friend who left work to come get me.

I was outside a Tesco extra and I sat down outside. No benches so I just sat against the window waiting for my friend.

And then...

A lady came out and tried to give me her change

I told her i didn't need it I was just waiting for my friend but she insisted and get me about £1.40

I was too sick to even fight against it any further so I just thanked her

My friend pissed herself laughing when I told her

Can laugh now but at the time I felt even shitter!

I used to go to gym classes at a YMCA and had just started getting confident going out and to the gym with no make up. When I arrived for the class a member of staff greeted me and said “oh are you here for the AA meeting?”

Moved into new house which needed work, including replacing the flimsy lock on the front door.
I wandered downstairs to get breakfast, in just my pants. I could just tell through the patterned glass that someone was coming to the door. It was the postman who started pushing letters through the letterbox.
He shoved a packet through, and the door burst open, I fell over, and the postman landed on top of me...

Got new lock that day, but 10 years later we still have the same postie!

Much like someone upthread, I was waiting at the bus stop with two women- snowing like a fucker, when a car pulls up, we all dive in, me thinking its a taxi,except it was their dads car.

My ex and I were trying to go away for the weekend, and for some reason I had to stop at the bank before we left town. He parked up outside with the engine running and I nipped in to sort out what ever it was needed doing.

I came racing out of the bank, saw my then boyfriend's car waiting where is left him, leapt into the car and yelled "let's go, let's go, let's go. Floor it!"

Into the face of a complete stranger. I then had to slink off and get in the right car. The poor guy must have thought I was robbing the bank and making the world's shittest get away.

Was once on the treadmill at the gym and the previous day’s knickers suddenly fell out from my shorts, caught the treadmill and flew through the room.

I froze for a moment, then stopped the treadmill, picked the knickers up from the floor and used them to casually wipe my brow

I had the house to myself one morning, and thought I would test the batteries in my *ahem female appliances. Was happily testing away, and heard a banging noise. It was the window cleaner. My curtains weren't fully closed so I think the poor old bugger got an eyeful. Needless to say when the window cleaner called for payment a few days later, I sent my DH to the door!

OP, I am sorry you felt so unwell but your story made me laugh. It had a great twist.

My colleague and I were at a work conference. It was held in a posh hotel where we were served dainty little cream cakes for afternoon tea. I felt a little bit out of place as most of the others were senior to us but my colleague, not one to be fazed by this, made straight to the table with the guest speakers and most senior delegates. As one of the speakers went to take a bite from her cake my colleague, having spotted a long dark hair in the cream, shouted wait and reached to remove the hair. She tugged it and it wouldn’t come out so she pulled a bit harder at which point the whole table realised the hair was not in the cream but attached to the lady’s chin. I not sure I’m over it yet.

chocolate that story is fantastic! Made me laugh out loud 😀😀

Mine isn’t anywhere near as good as others on here, but I was embarrassed for a long time. I run my own business with dh and I sent invoice 666 to the local Catholic Church and didn’t realise until they paid it 😮

Some years ago I organised a big seminar. Early start, rushing round all day, didn't eat a thing. Then afterwards was plied with gallons of red wine to celebrate a great event.

Got absolutely tanked, but still managed to get home on the last train.
Got off at my stop and had to pause for a quick breather before taxi home throw up all over the platform, sorry station staff

Staggered out to the taxi rank only to find I had somehow lost a good 30-40minutes of my life since that train had been in, and it was sheer luck the taxi driver still happened to be there.

Never found out what the hell I was doing all that time. I clearly remember being sick because it looked like I was vomiting a single torrent of blood!

More my dad than me but dropped him off at the cash machine and parked next to several other cars. Dad got out to use the cash machine. He walked back and got into the car next to me. Cue terrified woman understandably screaming and hitting out at my (lovely) Dad. He apologised and got out of the car. I can imagine how scared that poor woman must have been!!

I have several embarrassing stories, I'm just that type of person.

Once I went to an aqua aerobics class with my mom and after we got changed into our costumes, we decided to use the loo before getting in the water. Both went into a cubicle, I came out and went to the sinks to wash my hands. I saw my mom was already there, so went to the side of her and slapped her bum REALLY hard.

Turns out it wasn't my mom.

And she had already been in the pool so her arse was wet.

She was NOT impressed.

A split second after I'd done it, my mom came out of her cubicle and heard me apologising, she set me off laughing and we just couldn't stop all of the way through the class (which this woman was also part of and gave me daggers right until the end) 

This is absolutely true.

I was painting the back gate, and was outside in the lane/road that runs to the back, and sudden gust of wind closed the gate.

I had no keys, the patio doors in the house were wide open and I was stuck there wondering what to do. I had a day off, so no neighbours around, they were all out at work. OMG. The walls on mine, and the other neighbours far too high to climb over. I'm a smallie.

No phone either it was on the floor on the inside of the gate. Worst case scenario. Went up the lane out on to our road and it was like the land that time forgot. No one around.

Then I saw Joe the postman on his bike. To cut a long story short he wheeled his bike round the back and climbed on the saddle and managed to get over the wall, and then he opened the front door for me. Whew. He got a great tip at Christmas bless him.

But..... I was sitting in the kitchen having a coffee after my trauma, and the front doorbell went. There was a motorbike policeman at the door.

They had a report from a neighbour down the road that someone had vaulted over the wall. Well it took me ages to explain, but they went away laughing. I will never forget it. But all ended well. The neighbour was three doors down and didn't realise the story. Great neighbours!

I ate a huge slab of cheesecake (which generally disagrees with me) on a holiday a while back and on a trip to the beach later that afternoon I had a sudden bout of stomach cramps, the ones that only ever happen right before a bout of terrible diarrhoea. I discretely left DH napping on the towels and went into a cave further around the beach (the DC were digging holes and trying to drown one another in them) while the dog ran figures of 8 around the beach, which was pretty empty for that time of year.

I dug a hole in the sand, pulled down my shorts and pants, squatted and relieved myself, only to hear children's voices "look at this, look at this, I found a starfish" as my lovely DC sprinted into my poo cave to show me their treasure. DS1 stopped dead as soon as he realised what was going on, boltted out of the cave and yelled "Dad, Dad, Mum's pooping in here, you tell us not to poop at the beach all the time" and DS2 continued to tell me the life story of his starfish, including name, marital status and employment.

I thought I'd finished dying of shame, cleaned up and we decided to walk home. Heading up from the beach to the house DS2 saw an older couple walking down to the beach with their dog and proudly declared "don't go into that cave over there, SHE took a poop inside it and it was revolting" as I silently turned inside out with shame and the old folk shook their heads at this questionably mad family.

Three years on the DC still like to tell friends about The Day Mummy Ruined the Whole Beach.

I once got a little squiffy with a friend. Fell asleep on the bus, woke up and realised I was going to be sick. Friend bundled me off the bus and I had just enough time to hand her my glasses before lavishly vomiting into a bin. A homeless gentlemen took pity on me and handed me a tissue, much to my friend’s delight.

Then there was the time when my DD was v small and I was still getting the hang of breastfeeding. Answered the door to some Jehovas Witnesses with a boob hanging out. They didn’t stick around...

This is outing as I told my work mates. Happened last week, my smoke alarm starting going off in the middle of the night. I rushed out onto the landing in just my knickers, half asleep I thought it was my DD at the bottom of the stairs looking up at me , but I had forgotten her boyfriend was staying over so he got a good look at my boobs. He very politely swore he didn't see anything! BTW it was just warning that the batteries needed replacing, not an actual fire

Oh god ‘poop cave’ 😂😂😂 This thread is excellent!

My daughter did a shit in the pool at the gym today. They had to close the whole pool to clean it! Fucking mortified!

I brought a new boyfriend back to the house.
There was a curious knocking, buzzing noise coming from my bedroom which my new man gamely offered to investigate.
Guess how pleased I was when the culprit turned out to be my vibrator which had somehow set itself off in a box under my bed.

On a night out as an 18-ish year old with a group of friends, we had just left one club to go to another. One of my friends saw a guy she knew so we all stopped and chatted for a while. She was flirting like mad and trying to convince him and his mates to go to the club we were going to. One of his mates was gorgeous- let’s call him sexyman- I’d seen him before and we had had a very flirty evening but it was a time before mobiles so alas we had lost contact..... anyway, I too was hoping they would come to the place we were headed.
They were meeting other mates somewhere else so we all said goodbye.

By the time we eventually got to the club after chatting to them, there was a huge queue and I was busting for a wee. 🙄
I held on for ages but didn’t think I’d be able to wait till we got inside... so in my wisdom I thought I’d pop round the back, have a wee then meet my friends back in the queue. There were loads of people still ahead of us so was sure it would be ok.
So I went round the back, wee’d behind one of those big massive wheels bin things then went to rejoin my friends.
Only the queue had sped up and they were already inside paying at the desk, luckily the bouncer let me rejoin the group. That’s when I realised that the blokes from earlier had joined us after all.
That’s when I realised the club had cctv in the alley behind which was displayed for the world to see on giant tv screens in the entrance, including the footage from one camera right above where the bin was and ... that’s when I realised that sexyman had seen me squatting behind said bin peeing like a racehorse. What I didn’t realise until another 30 seconds had passed was that I’d tucked my dress in my knickers too 🙈
Thank goodness sexyman realised and so kindly pointed it out 🙈🙈🙈

Whipped my keys out of my bag to unlock my classroom door. I'd stayed overnight at a relative's and had to buy emergency pants, and I forgot I'd stuffed the rest of the unused pack in my bag...

Yep, I twanged a pair of pants across the corridor in front of a bunch of teenagers.

In the middle of the British Library, I went to get my wallet out of my bag (it had my library card in it). My wallet was caught on what I thought was the lining, so I pulled it really hard. What it had actually been caught on was the pull tag for my rape alarm. Those things are loud enough anyway but in the middle of the silent auspices of the British Library it was deafening! Everyone stopped and looked at me while frantically tried to get the tab back in. I nearly died of embarrassment

There was also the time about six months ago that I knocked myself out getting off the bus to work. People were waiting to get on as I got off so I stepped off the step and turned without going forward; walked straight into the wing mirror and knocked myself out. Whole commuter bus saw me do that

Our house is all open plan with big windows, no curtains just vertical blinds. I was loading the washing machine (which is in a shed just outside the back door) and realised my jeans were a bit grubby so I stripped them off and threw them in too. Then thought sod it, might as well, and in went my top and my bra too.

Had literally just closed the back door and the back gate opened - the window cleaner was a day early. I froze, realized that as soon as he went round the corner of the house he would see me through the patio doors, and legged it through the kitchen and up the stairs hoping I was quick enough.

Hit the top of the stairs, norks bouncing merrily, only to come face to face with the window cleaner up a ladder right outside the bedroom window.

Apparently he'd taken on a helper who was doing the downstairs while he got an eyeful did the upstairs.

Still charged me full price, the fucker.

There was a time I was asked to spell a post code and they couldn't understand I was saying B not D. After the third or fourth time I said B for blow Job no idea why I was about 19. I have no idea where it came from at all. There was an awkward silence and the woman said okay I've got the postcode now and will update the address we will be in contact soon.. and hung up