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Original poster

Son refuses to give up dummy aged almost 7

72 replies

Wry1 · 19/10/2018 14:23

Dear all, instead of throwing away our son's dummies when he was 2 in the belief he would give them up of his own accord, I and hubby allowed him to keep on with the habit. Result: he's now nearly 7 and goes ballistic if we hide the things, let alone throw them away! Should we just get tough and banish them completely or allow him to give up in his own time meaning at this rate braces are a certainty?? He only wants the dummy when he's home and the outside world can't see. He's asthmatic and celiac which already cause him quite a bit of frustration due to missed school and sports activities as well forbidden foods. Thanks for your thoughts

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/10/2018 16:47

Wheely

Stupid auto correvt

Gazelda · 19/10/2018 16:47

Ok, which would be worse - a short period of distress while he adjusts to not having a dummy or crooked teeth that will need dental treatment?
Your dentist has already warned you, why are you not listening?
And don't blame it on being an older parent. Age has nothing to do with how you manage boundaries.

Original poster

Wry1 · 19/10/2018 16:50

Penny455 no it's not a joke. I know it's absurd though!! I blame DH. Son mainly chomps in the evening/watching TV and using his tablet - but that's too many hours - even more so when he's off school like right now. It is overdue but he's going to get cold turkey/enter rehab starting this evening....it's a promise.

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Pinkkahori · 19/10/2018 16:55

My dd had her soothers til she was just turning 7. She has sensory processing issues and really relied on them for comfort. There were no tantrums because I never threatened to take them away.
In the end she was more likely to hold them as she went to sleep so I knew she was growing out of them anyway.
She is 12 now and at a recent dental appointment got a clean bill of health. No need for braces at all.

Starryskiesinthesky · 19/10/2018 16:58

Yes, if the dentist has told you to stop immediately then you really need to take action. A 7 year old cannot make decisions regarding what is good for them. Try and find the most gentle way of doing it though, appealing to what you know might work best for him but ultimately you need to remove the dummy.

YouAreMyRain · 19/10/2018 17:10

Don't buy any new ones, just wait for his existing one to go all flat and horrid and he will hopefully go off it
(you could puncture it to accelerate the process)

It's cruel to go cold turkey when you've left it this long

chillpizza · 19/10/2018 17:22

Put them all in the bin. Tough love his a nt child no reason what so ever to have a dummy at 7.

For thumb sucking you could try the nail varnish that is designed to stop nail biting as it tastes horrible apparently.

Pinkkahori · 19/10/2018 17:27

Sorry, I meant to add that my dd is also asthmatic. She had a lot of hospital admissions between the ages of two and seven. That was hard enough on her without taking away her source of comfort. The paediatrician never had an issue with her having her soother.

CantWaitToRetire · 19/10/2018 17:32

It's all very well everyone saying 'just bin them'. We did that with our DD and she just replaced the dummy with her thumb! She did end up needing braces as a teen because she had crooked top teeth and a recessed lower jaw (not sure if any of this was due to the thumb sucking) but her teeth look lovely now.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 19/10/2018 17:37

We had to go cold turkey with me sitting next to DS at bedtime. We said that when he was 3 he was going to bed and I was coming straight downstairs after a kiss and a cuddle. I kept droning on about it for weeks in the run up. He just accepted it on his birthday.

I wonder whether saying this is the last week of the dummy and on Friday it's going. Maybe he can swap it for a game or something?

I sucked my thumb until I was 18yo . I only gave it up when I started staying over with my boyfriend! I did have a brace in my teenage years but only sucked my thumb for a few mins before going to sleep by the time I was 18. Very embarrassing really, but I needed to want to do it as parents didn't know.

RandomMess · 19/10/2018 17:42

For now just restrict it to bedtime. Literally it lives under the pillow for going to sleep.

Soon he will loose the ability to suckle in the same way.

I think with him being adopted you need transition to ditching it carefully.

Original poster

Wry1 · 19/10/2018 17:45

Thanks again for your comments, some tough, but all helpful to get some perspective. On reflection, with dummies I think the mistake is to give them one in the first place. I remember we did it somewhat selfishly to get peace when DS was a little fretful baby - and he never looked back! ;-00
Will definitely try the nail varnish on DD as she wants to paint her nails!

OP posts:

ALemonyPea · 19/10/2018 17:46

If he has no SN, then just chuck them in the bin, the outside bin so that he can't retrieve them. At nearly 7 he should understand that he can't have them. Maybe offer to buy him a small treat if he can be a big boy about it.

countrybunny · 19/10/2018 17:48

I've just started taken my 6 month old dummies away as I feel like a bad mum for having them so this makes me feel better!

RatRolyPoly · 19/10/2018 17:48

I think what you need is a massive bribe.

anniehm · 19/10/2018 17:52

Make all but one disappear one week then the following make that go, he will be angry but stay strong, he will cope after a day or two

RandomMess · 19/10/2018 17:52

Having had two thumb suckers and two dummy suckers - dummies 1,000 times preferable!

Wolfiefan · 19/10/2018 17:57

You’re the parent. You’re teaching him that if he throws a big enough tantrum you will give in and let him do exactly what he wants.
Ditch them.
And if his asthma is curtailing his ability to do activities he wants to then seek help for that.

CherryPavlova · 19/10/2018 18:03

Why is he allowing or not allowing? He’s seven. Pick them all up, throw them in distant bin and tell him his far too old. Await a tantrum and ride the storm. He’ll get over it.

MiaowMix · 19/10/2018 18:05

Christ. 7? That's piss poor. Don't his mates massively take the piss? 7!

Original poster

Wry1 · 19/10/2018 18:06

Wolfiefan, thanks for your message and I take your point. Rest assured though that we are trying everything available to improve my son's asthma which hopefully will diminish/stop when he's older. My uncle's did. The celiac's disease is permanent but I believe he'll come to understand that he needs to stay off gluten completely!

OP posts:

strawberrypenguin · 19/10/2018 18:07

Could you get him a sensory chew necklace instead? So it's not completely cold turkey? Chewigem do some lovely ones that don't look like a chew, they just look like a necklace a 7 year old might wear - surfer style etc.

Toomuchadoaboutnothing · 19/10/2018 18:12

Our DS was very attached to his dummy. It was close to Christmas and we started a countdown and told him every night that when Father Christmas came he would take the dummy away and leave presents instead. The ‘big’ night came and we reminded him about what would happen. He was ok with it and the next night when he was going to bed he asked for the dummy again and we just reminded him again that it was taken by Father Christmas. No more dummy.

HollowTalk · 19/10/2018 18:12

This is why I didn't give my children dummies, because I didn't think I'd have the strength or stamina to take it off them!

StillMedusa · 19/10/2018 18:16

Op I have sympathy... my son was a very late dummy sucker too.
He does have special needs (autism) but nevertheless it needed to go. We made the break by insisting it stayed in his bedroom at all times... so basically he had it to fall asleep and no other time.
Then we conveniently forgot it when he went on residential with school (kids go from 6 at our special school) and when he came back the habit was broken. He slept fine on residential too.

We removed it for the sake of his teeth, not because he was too old... and he has the best teeth of my four children so we saved them in time..no braces needed :)

Your son is old enough to either accept a compromise..nights only or if you are feeling strong...bin and bribe!

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