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Original poster

someone I love is about to die

34 replies

gunge · 18/10/2018 23:06

Just alone in the house drinking wine while my kids sleep. It's an in law but I was very close to them. The sadness feels like physical pain.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 18/10/2018 23:08

That's very sad. Are you able to see them before they die?

NightOwlHoney · 18/10/2018 23:08

I'm sorry this is happening. That must feel very sad indeed. Did you have a chance to say goodbye? 

Original poster
gunge · 18/10/2018 23:11

I saw them today yes. They were so pleased to see me and we hugged tightly. But I know it won't be long now. I wasn't loved by my own family and my in laws have been beautiful and amazing. It's so painful.

OP posts:

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NightOwlHoney · 18/10/2018 23:15

It sounds as though you were able to bring comfort to your family member today. What a kind thing to do. They sound very special.

butcherswife · 18/10/2018 23:17

So sorry OP, I lost my mum in July and when you know, you know.

Sending you strength and a handhold x

Original poster
gunge · 18/10/2018 23:18

Because I'm in law my main role has been to hold the fort at home. It's been so hard and I must admit I've had less than perfect moments. But I hope I will have some peace knowing that I was loved. The way this person held me while I wept, even in their dying moments, felt like the love I never had as a child. I will always cherish that.

OP posts:
LorelaiRoryEmily · 18/10/2018 23:19
Flowers
Original poster
gunge · 18/10/2018 23:24

Sorry for your loss butcherswife. I lost my mum young and it's always with me x

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Original poster
gunge · 18/10/2018 23:37

Anyone there?

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MrsTommyBanks · 18/10/2018 23:37

I'm so sorry. My DGM died a week ago today and was the only person who I felt truly loved by.
I also saw her the day she died, but had to leave an hour before her death.
Cherish the bond you had, and know they felt loved by you, and loved you in return. So many people take love for granted. But to some of us its a rare and precious thing.
I hope your loved one has a peaceful end of life, and you get through the loss to the place where you enjoy happy memories Flowers

MrsTommyBanks · 18/10/2018 23:39

Would you like to share some good memories here? I will listen

Original poster
gunge · 18/10/2018 23:43

It's my mum in law. The day I got married there was a moment where we were alone in my kitchen and we were just chatting when she suddenly said 'you are such a lovely girl' and held my face. She was so pleased I was marrying her son.

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 18/10/2018 23:43

I’m here.
I lost an in law who was very important to me. I nursed her to the end of her life and was proud and privileged to be there but somehow my grief wasn’t as “valid” as blood family even though I Moved in in the last few months.
She was there at my lowest points and at my highest.
It’s tough. Flowers

allthesoddingdresses · 18/10/2018 23:44

Ah gunge, she's sounds so lovely and loving. She'll have felt your love for her too 

Original poster
gunge · 18/10/2018 23:46

She'd always buy me lovely flowers on my birthday. Not just supermarket ones, really posh ones. She was upper middle class and liked the finer things in life and I grew up on a council estate. She liked to spoil me a bit I think.
My DH is wonderful and buys me flowers but his mum always bought the best ones Smile

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MrsTommyBanks · 18/10/2018 23:48

As a Mum of an adult son it sounds like she saw you for the good person you are. That's a very special bond.

MrsTommyBanks · 18/10/2018 23:50

And she gave you the very best thing in life. A good partner, and a living family. What an amazing legacy to leave behind. She must be a very special lady

allthesoddingdresses · 18/10/2018 23:50

My mother in law is also wonderful - she buys me notebooks (knows me well ). I'd have been lost without her when my kids were little as she didn't work and my mum did. Didn't ever step over the line, just there supporting us.
We've been very lucky I think

But you know, you'll have given her joy and comfort too over the years - a sign of wonderful relationship

Original poster
gunge · 18/10/2018 23:53

Ah thanks. Don't get me wrong I had my daughter in law moments. Sometimes I think because we were close I took her for granted, pushed her away a bit when I was feeling low about my own family. There were times I could have been better. But we never fell out and I realise now it's because she was always a mum first and foremost and because she loved me she forgave my worst moments and hopefully realised I loved her so much.

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thighofrelief · 18/10/2018 23:54

OP my Dad is in hospital now, we thought we had lost him yesterday and then again today. We really need him to stabilise enough to have an angiogram or there's no hope really. I feel sick to my stomach and exhausted but can't sleep. I was praying someone would be around to chat and here you are! Will you get to the hospital tomorrow?

MrsTommyBanks · 18/10/2018 23:56

I'm sure she knows you love her Flowers

Original poster
gunge · 18/10/2018 23:57

She's at home. I'll get there tomorrow but she may have gone by then.
So sorry thighofrelief. Loss is the most painful side of being human. It's the price we pay for love.

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Original poster
gunge · 18/10/2018 23:58

Here's to all the amazing mother in laws, they are out thereWine

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thighofrelief · 19/10/2018 00:02

She sounds like a lovely lady. My Dad is 86 but I'm not at all ready to lose him, he's always been my best friend. We've been taking it in shifts to be with him. I don't know why I'm at home now, i can't sleep or eat. Been living on muesli and tea. What time will you go there tomorrow?

Orlandointhewilderness · 19/10/2018 00:05

I'm thinking of both of you. xxx