Does anyone else have an ‘invisible’ child?

[ladyandthechocolate]

Just that really.
I’ve spent the past hour comforting DD who is in year 6. They gave out the parts for their big Christmas show today and she’s part of the chorus. Year 6 get the main parts so she has been waiting for this for a few years. She was desperately hoping for a part as she is a talented singer.
I just feel gutted for her as she hasn’t been picked for one single thing at primary school. Not school council, sports teams, readings at Harvest and concerts. Nothing. It’s the same kids that get the parts every time and I just don’t get it.
Cheer me up and tell me it’s character building for her and she’ll be a stronger person for it.

I remember I was never picked for anything in school either even though I always desperately wanted to do something.
One year for the school play we were asked to write on a bit of paper if we wanted a big part or a small part. I wrote big part and remember being so excited to finally have a speaking role in something. When the parts were handed out I was butler number 2. I had one scene where I had to stand still at the back against the scenery for the scene and that was it. I didn't even get a costume I wore my school uniform. I had to stand backstage and watch everyone practicing lines and putting on costumes, the kid who had the part I desperately wanted froze midway through cried and ran off stage.
I'm nearly 30 and it still makes me a little sad to think of it now.

One child - let's call her A was religiously chosen for every reading, play lead, etc year in year out

So in year 3 I spoke up and said you have 60 kids to chose from why is A always the lead?? So child B got the main part and child A flounced and her mother pulled her out of the play altogether as it wasn't fair her DD didn't have the main part!! Was quite funny.

My DS would've made huge progress in his confidence had he been given a speaking part (just a small one) in Amy on the school productions - but no - not a single line!! So much for being inclusive.

Say something !

I agree you have to say something. The teachers need to know dd is upset and how you/dd feel she would benefit from a part. It could also be an oversight.
I still bare some of the scars from my childhood-I wasnt invisible-my face just didnt fit and I think I was a bit of a tedious child. However secondary although ups and downs was much better and I got some chances. Its taught me some tough life lessons but Im not afraid of going for things...and deal with rejection thst bit better.
I was at dds primary school prize giving last year and dont feel things have changed much. Despite the fact she is at a small school and there are lots of prizes it was the same kids/families that won. The whole thing was awful.

She is not invisible but she might need to get herself noticed. Mine is too little to have this atm but I had this problem when I was in school. Always the teachers favourites or known who used to get the main parts. I had to fight to get a main part. I went to the teacher who dismissed me. I then approached the principle (head teacher in UK terms) who then told the teacher give me a part. She was mightily pissed at me but I didn't care much as then I was noticed enough to be give more responsibilities . She needs to be more proactive if it is important to her.

I was invisible and so was my DD for a long time.

In my case, as I was quite shy I think teachers assumed that I would not be confident enough for anything other than a chorus type role (I was actually desperate to have even just one line, and I suspect the opportunity would have helped me be less shy). In DD's case I think it was partly the same issue (in primary school she was always the child who quietly got on with her work and didn't make a fuss) and partly that for some reason a few families seemed to be the 'chosen ones'.

DD joined a local drama group that was recommended to us and this is a totally different experience- every child is given the opportunity to have a part (not necessarily in each performance, but over the year to share out the roles) and the bigger parts go to the older children so each child gets a step up each year. I know that this sometimes means adjusting the plays etc but it really seems to work. Maybe your DD would be better taking her talents elsewhere!

OP, please speak up otherwise I fear you might regret it later...

Bizarrely I was always picked for the speaking roles when I desperately just wanted to hide away (I had a stutter, I have learnt to manage it now) I always hated the teacher for making me speak when I didn't want to!

Oh I feel so sad for your DD :( our DCs primary has been excellent at giving opportunities. One DS was a bit “invisible” (apart from being told off...), but his teacher in YR4 decided to push him and had him walk out all on his own and deliver the opening speech to their school play he hadn’t said A WORD about it beforehand and we were slack jawed in shock at usually shy and easily embarrassed DS. That really changed things for him, but it took a brave teacher to champion him.

Same DS was a bit invisible in a sports team he was in (almost constantly subbed in what should be a “for fun” team). He didn’t want us to say anything and it was really touching when a parent of a different child saw what was happening and voiced his opinion on the unfairness to the coaches. So if, as governor, you spot any other children being sidelined, do speak out!

Yes! Please talk to the teacher. My oldest daughter is pretty much invisible in school - well behaved, bright, quiet. She doesn’t have the confidence to put herself forward for things but would really like to do them. Last year she had an amazing teacher who really drew her out of herself & built up her confidnce. Sadly she’s retreated somewhat this year with her new (also lovely) teacher though.

My youngest is also very well behaved & bright but she has so much confidence & she does get noticed.

I was actually desperate to have even just one line, and I suspect the opportunity would have helped me be less shy)

Totally agree

Plus I've heard the line 'oh they won't remember their lines' when actually the whole class know all the lines by the end of the play

I had a funny, perhaps slightly magical, experience around this.

I was a very quiet, reserved child and, having missed a lot of time due to illness, was bullied in my final year of primary school. Shortly after I went to secondary school there was an audition for singing parts for the school musical. I wasn't at all sure, as one of my friends had always made very negative remarks about my singing voice when we had been in the primary school choir - perhaps the fact I was still getting over a respiratory illness might have had something to do with it?! Anyway, my friends and I went to the auditions - quite nervous but very excited as everything was new. I wasn't sure what was going to happen as we had to sing solo for the audition, but when my name was called I stood on the stage and suddenly discovered that I could sing! Maybe it was developmental, or perhaps it was the acoustics in the big hall, but suddenly my voice came out beautifully and I have been a good singer ever since. The music teacher came up and asked me my name afterwards. I had a lead role in that play, in my first year of secondary school, and it was a real boost to my confidence.

I didn't carry on taking lead roles, but had many years of pleasure singing in choirs and always enjoy a good sing at weddings! Perhaps your DD's time will come.