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Original poster

Already have older children, can I have another?

37 replies

mjoyoriginal · 15/10/2018 17:44

Hi all,
I am after some advice and hopefully some of you will have some experience you can share with me.
I have 2 children(19 and 9 years old) with my ex husband. I always said that was it and I didn't want any more. However, I am now with a fantastically amazing new man and the conversation of babies has come up. My questions are: Am I too old to be thinking about this (I'm almost 39)?
My daughter is 19, is she too old for me to be thinking of this?
And how hard could it be to conceive (never been an issue in the past)?
Any advice gratefully received
Tia
Mj x

OP posts:
LorelaiRoryEmily · 15/10/2018 17:49

I’m the second eldest of 4. We are 36, 34, 30 and 14. 14 year old is the best thing my parents ever did. Go for it

Aprilislonggone · 15/10/2018 17:50

My oldest was 25 when I had ds!!

KeysHairbandNotepad · 15/10/2018 17:54

You're not too op.

I have one son of 11 months and another that's in his late teens. I'm in my late 30s.

The only issue for me has been how much my last pregnancy took it out of me. I have discovered that pregnancy at 26 is easier on the body then doing it at 37Grin

Good luck whatever you decide.

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KeysHairbandNotepad · 15/10/2018 17:54

Than.

AJPTaylor · 15/10/2018 17:59

I had dds age 13 and 10 when i had dd3 at 39.
It has mainly been a joy obvs. But at 50 i am still thinking about school catchments and facing 8 more years of term timd hols! Id think carefully.

immortalmarble · 15/10/2018 18:00

My children are 22 and 20.

I would adore another baby. It’s all I really want to be honest Sad

EleanorLavish · 15/10/2018 18:02

Yes, yes you are, I’ve decided.
Grin
Of course you’re not, do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

thegreatbeyond · 15/10/2018 18:08

I have a 2 year old and a 22 year old :)

sparklypebbles · 15/10/2018 18:11

I'd think there'd be a more awkward gap with the 9yo as he'll have to share your time and attention with a baby as he's going through a lot of change starting high school and becoming a teenager.
But you've managed that before so it should definitely be doable again!

Whether you are too old is definitely a personal decision.
I had my last at 40 and like the pp said both pregnancy and also looking after a baby is a lot more tiring than it was in your 20s.

Original poster
mjoyoriginal · 15/10/2018 18:13

This is great to hear! Thank you x

OP posts:
CamdenTownie · 15/10/2018 18:14

I'm almost 39 too, have 4 children 22,16,13 and 11 have been trying for one last baby since May, nothing so far! I've never had any difficulty conceiving previously.

I often have a bit of a wobble and think I must be made but I know I'll regret it if I don't at least try.

Original poster
mjoyoriginal · 15/10/2018 18:16

My 9 year old is desperate to be a big brother but my 19 thinks it's all quite disgusting. That's no surprise to me though. I am fir and healthy but do have a very full on job which is a big factor.

OP posts:
Mokepon · 15/10/2018 18:17

I only have 2, one 11 and one 2. 2nd at 39 for me. I thought it would be more difficult and I'd be tireder but it's been so much easier this time around.
Maybe I'm more relaxed or he is easier I don't know!??

IdaBWells · 15/10/2018 18:17

Well OP your eldest is an adult and so I would say the vast majority of your parenting, or at least the most physically taxing part is done with her. Your current children are virtually 10 years apart and so you are already familiar with the age gap you would have if you have another. When you have them spread out so far each children is kind of like an “only” as they don’t have siblings anywhere close to them in age.

I can’t see any reason why you wouldn’t want to have a baby, if you are already settled and secure with your own home and you have the financial means. It’s the most natural thing in the world to want a baby with the man you love. My only caveat is are you married or are you independently financially secure? If you are not able to cope financially if your partner suddenly disappeared I would get married before having another to secure you and your children’s financial future by giving you the legal coverage of marriage.

As to fertility I don’t know, I had my last baby when I was 37 and turned 38 a couple of months later and had no problems at all conceiving. OTOH my only miscarriage was at 40. My DH is a doctor and he said in his reading that it is women who are trying to conceive their first child later that statistically struggle more to conceive. Those that have already given birth and are attempting to conceive (as you are) at a later age are more successful. For some reason having your body already use all the plumbing successfully helps.

My comments on fertility could be completely wrong, I am repeating DH and we also had that conversation a decade ago so there could be a lot more info now.

Original poster
mjoyoriginal · 15/10/2018 18:17

Yes I have the same thoughts about regretting if I dont try.
Thank you for sharing x

OP posts:
AwolFlower · 15/10/2018 18:17

I have a 17 year old, a 7 year old and a 5 month old. All good here Grin

Original poster
mjoyoriginal · 15/10/2018 18:21

IdaBWells
Thank you! This is very helpful. And yes my 2 are like only children and it has been a joy this way.

OP posts:
Original poster
mjoyoriginal · 15/10/2018 18:22

Awolflower

Thank you! Very similar then, good to hear Smile

OP posts:
zenasfuck · 15/10/2018 18:24

I'm nearly 36 and would desperately love another baby, my son is 15
But the thought of school runs and soft play etc are enough to make me decide against it

AwolFlower · 15/10/2018 18:24

@mjoyoriginal
I honestly love it.
Although my youngest is the devil incarnate, and if I'd had him first, he would've been an only child 🤣
Good luck Thanks

PotteringAlong · 15/10/2018 18:25

You’re not too old but the 40 years of active parenting would be enough for me not to want to do it.

IdaBWells · 15/10/2018 18:27

mjoyoriginal my eldest two are girls age 18 and 15. I wouldn’t be surprised if they felt slightly nauseated at the thought that there would be physical evidence walking around that the ancient parentals still “did it” but they love babies, especially my eldest. So very likely your dd would feel very different once their sibling arrived (and you have two in-house babysitters!!! Fab!)

Definitely don’t base your own decisions on your dd as she will be flying the nest anyway in the near future and you most likely just have a few short years when it would be possible to conceive naturally. Actually, if you could see a fertility specialist, run tests and get an MOT on your current state of fertility that could be part of your decision making process.

Original poster
mjoyoriginal · 15/10/2018 18:34

Yes I always said if my son (9) came first that would have been it !
Having an MOT is a very good idea. Is this something my GP would do under the NHS or would it need to be a specialist?
My d just thinks in ancient and it's all gross but she does love babies and she is a fantastic big sister already!

OP posts:
IdaBWells · 15/10/2018 18:40

I have absolutely no idea but my guess would be a big NO from the NHS unless there was hard evidence that you were struggling with fertility. My SIL was only sent by her GP to a specialist after three miscarriages. However she was younger than you are, maybe you could call your practice and speak to a nurse and see what the policy is?

EverythingNow · 15/10/2018 18:46

I'm 39 and with DC aged 18, 9 and 7. We've been ttc since last year, currently on cycle 19.

I wanted another after dc3 was born but it took 6 years for dh to want to. I definitely would have regretted not trying even though it feels unlikely now. I feel better having tried. Do It!

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