Being referred to as Mrs Husbands First Name & Surname

[EleanorLavish]

Not sure if I am phrasing this correctly. But say, for example my DH is called John Smith. And I am Mary Smith. I don't mind being referred to as Mr & Mrs Smith but I really, really hate being referred to as Mrs John Smith.
I know it was the correct way to address a married lady, but is it still so? And is it still considered the only 'correct way,' by etiquette standards?
I notice the school send mail as Mr & Mrs John Smith too.
Whats bugged me particularly is that I was sent a card by a good friend and she has addressed the card, which is solely for me, as Mrs John Smith.
I've told her before I don't like it but she is a real stickler for etiquette rules.

In my work, as it’s my career, I often get invitations addressed to Mrs and Mr Gertrude Schadenfreude.

To a previous poster who asked - I do like being addressed that way. I’m not from another planet. I just happen to think differently about these things than you. Wouldn’t life be boring if we all felt the same about everything! You don’t like it - fine. I like it - also fine.

"It's good enough for Mrs Jack Brooksbank"

Of course, and it would be wrong to address someone who has chosen that name by a different name.

Just as it is wrong to address someone who had chosen one of the other different, correct forms by something you think a name should be and not their actual name.

I've been married 17 years and never been called this. Maybe I'm not posh enough?

Hmm, I'm not sure, in 20 something years of marriage, if I've ever been called 'Mrs Horace Cookies', but have been subject to plenty of 'Mr & Mrs H Cookies', which is as bad.
I sincerely hope this 'Mrs Husband' thing is dying out, it's such an anachronism.
At the very least, it should not be the default for addressing a married woman, but be reserved only for those who prefer it for some strange reason

I notice the school send mail as Mr & Mrs John Smith too.

I can understand this to a certain extent, lots of children have divorced parents, lots of schools send two reports to divorced parents. If dad has remarried and now wife has his name but the ex wife also has his name it's shorthand for, "send another report/letter/card to the mother too".

I'm also a little bamboozled that you would want to take your husband's surname but not his first name, what is the difference?

Sashh

Because it's one thing to change your last name, it's a whole other thing to omit your first name entirely and go just by your husband, or worse still "the wife of" when do we see husband's known just as the husband of? Where is the woman's identity at all in that? It's cringe. As I say I wouldn't take my husband's name at all if I were to marry him now, but long gone are the days where a wife is a man's property and that naming convention comes from those days!