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Original poster

I feel so lonely

33 replies

Isitokaytonotbeokay · 13/10/2018 13:38

So apparently its okay not to be okay.....

Deep breath!!

I couldn't tell you the last time I honestly was okay 👌 a smile hides a thousand tears, I struggle daily and no one has a clue,I stay away from family and have no real life friends in this area other than DPs family.
In the past few days I'm lucky to have had a night's worth of sleep (albeit broken), we've argued constantly and said mean horrible words to each other, my partner does nothing but moan about how tired he,how I've done the baby's bottle wrong or I've mucked something up, how he's no cigs or just genuinely this that or the other... I'm at the end of my tether I sit in my house looking at 4 walls due to being too skint to go do anything and the weather is far too wild for random walks

OP posts:
GetTheeToAShrubbery · 13/10/2018 13:42

How old is your baby? I remember DH and I were so tired in the early days we almost got competitive about it. We were just knackered and that makes everything seem worse. It sounds like you’re having a tough time - do you go to any baby groups or anything like that?

Original poster
Isitokaytonotbeokay · 13/10/2018 13:44

He's 18 weeks n that's the thing if never is competitive it's always him moaning he's tired n I say go to bed then you need a sleep knowing fine well I've watched him snore all night n no I don't go to anything as I don't drive and no money for public transport

OP posts:
Original poster
Isitokaytonotbeokay · 13/10/2018 14:29

..

OP posts:
lexi727 · 13/10/2018 15:13

I didn't want to read and run OP. With a newborn it can be incredibly difficult, especially when you are both very tired. Have you spoken to your GP about this? It sounds like you might have PND.

Getting out would definitely help - is there literally no spare money for you to get the bus once a week to a playgroup or something? It would cost you less than a tenner - and it would make a massive difference that day which is worth way more than a tenner in my opinion.

Have you spoken to your OH about this? Is your MIL approachable?

Original poster
Isitokaytonotbeokay · 13/10/2018 15:21

Hi lexi I've been humming n hawing about speak to gp as one day I'm fine next day a complete emotional wreck, meant to add as well doesn't help I've not been well or had a period since having DS so not sure if that's affecting my mood.

Nope literally haven't even got the bus fare and it's only 1.60 it's an absolute joke, I always make sure DS has milk, nappies etc but it doesn't matter what we do we've never anything left.

In regards to mil I'm sure she is approachable but I don't feel right bitching to her about her son IFYSWIM

OP posts:
lexi727 · 13/10/2018 15:28

Definitely see GP in that case. When I had DS I convinced myself for quite a while that just because I feel fine 2 days out of 7 nothing was wrong. Even though on those 5 days, I was crying constantly/couldn't get out of bed etc. Even just talking about it to somebody IRL can help! A weight was off my shoulders once I spoke to GP.

That's such a shame, as getting out would really help. What if you suggested to MIL that you and her take LO out together for the day? Does she drive? That could be an option. You wouldn't have to talk to her about your DP, it would just get you out the house.

Do you live in quite an isolated area?

AjasLipstick · 13/10/2018 15:32

Flowers Is your partner working?

Original poster
Isitokaytonotbeokay · 13/10/2018 15:33

That's exactly what I'm like I've cried for days and anytime I'm upset my dp shrugs away and says aw stop getting upset why don't you go visit family cause clearly I don't make you happy.

N no she doesn't drive but does work early mornings so can't really go out with her or that, if it wasn't for bad weather I'd put the wee man in the pram and go walking n I wouldn't say it was isolated just not what I'm used too as stayed in a small town before

OP posts:
Original poster
Isitokaytonotbeokay · 13/10/2018 15:33

No partner doesn't work, no reason why just laziness imo

OP posts:
lexi727 · 13/10/2018 18:56

What a shame. It sounds like you're not happy with your DP?

Original poster
Isitokaytonotbeokay · 13/10/2018 19:28

No I am really happy and I do love him just lately things have been tough money wise, wee one teething n me not being well I just feel I don't get any help, I do almost every feed so never get a lie in or an early night n when I say anything he thinks I'm having a go

OP posts:
moredoll · 13/10/2018 19:35

That sounds really tough. I think you should talk to your GP, and to your health visitor. If you can't afford bus fares maybe you're eligible for some kind of financial help.
In the run-up to Christmas can your DP get some work at the Post Office?

Original poster
Isitokaytonotbeokay · 13/10/2018 19:43

I think I'm going to have to talk to someone n I'm on maternity just now but weekly I get money but it just never seems enough I'm always asking family for help n he could get a job anywhere he's just not been bothering his arse to look

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Singlenotsingle · 13/10/2018 19:44

DP needs to get a job doesn't he? Then there might be a bit more money to go round. Otherwise, why isn't he pulling his weight around the house? No wonder you're under the weather.

lexi727 · 13/10/2018 19:46

Your GP can help with how your feeling and might be able to advise with some local services who can help get you and DS out the house.

You need to talk to DP calmly and try and show him how unhappy you are. With the way things are going it's only going to get tougher, and you need him on your side. Try and make him see how things are for you.

FantastikRik · 13/10/2018 19:47

I didn’t want to read and run either OP.

Those early months with a baby are heard and it sounds as though you need some RL support. Perhaps a trip to your GP or HV might help?

Are you and DP at home together every day?

Is he looking for work?

Crunchymum · 13/10/2018 19:54

Love how PND is diagnosed immediately when it sounds to me like your partner is a lazy, nasty fucker and a useless dad.

Where are your family? Could you get back to them for a break Or perminantely??

Original poster
Isitokaytonotbeokay · 13/10/2018 19:59

Haven't got much support in RL to be honest n crunchy I never once said he was a useless dad he is great with our DS it's just when it comes to feeds n that I do them, they aren't too far away could possibly go visit but would need someone to take us by car as have too much stuff to take. I agree he needs to get a job but it's in one ear out the other n I'm sick of being a parrot.

Yes to a pp we are in together with DS all the time, we get out now n again for shopping etc or to in laws n that

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Crunchymum · 13/10/2018 20:15

He isn't a great dad if he leaves everything for you? And you don't have £1.60 to get on a bus?

If he's at home you should be getting your fair share of lie-ins etc. You shouldn't be doing everything

Part of being a good dad is pulling his weight and pitching in. Which he doesn't do does he?

Original poster
Isitokaytonotbeokay · 13/10/2018 20:24

I do housework I.e dishes, washing tidy up etc all while he's in bed, he cooks dinner uses every item of kitchen equipment (or so it seems) so more dishes he does last feed and usually change before bed n then sits up to all hours watching TV n falls asleep in the living room most nights

OP posts:
LegalEagle99 · 13/10/2018 20:33

He needs to get a job! It is his responsibility to be providing for his family and setting the example of a good work ethic for your child. You say you're on maternity so I assume you already work.

While looking for a job, he needs to be doing 50% of the work at home. The fact that the mother to his 18 week old baby doesn't even have enough money for bus fare (you're recovering from the birth and so the focus is on him) is shameful! He sounds lazy, uninspiring as a Dad and a crap partner!

You sound thoroughly fed up! He needs a boot in a certain place!!!!

Original poster
Isitokaytonotbeokay · 13/10/2018 20:42

Yeah I've got a job waiting on me n you know I am utterly fed up I mutter things to myself daily and my heads gets filled with things to say to him but then everything changes n all is okay for a while, we get money every week n as mentioned before we top up baby milk, nappies n wipes this also goes on dinners for the week for us hence why we aren't left with any money, our DS never goes without thank god

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lexi727 · 13/10/2018 20:51

Oh bless you. I really do feel for you. You definitely do have a DP problem though. He needs to get a job if you cannot even afford a bus fare. It's simply not fair on you, and especially not on your DS. You both need to be out meeting other mothers and babies - it will give you a support network. And it really does sound like you need a support network OP. Your life will genuinely transform once you have a few mums you can meet up with on a regular basis - at least mine did anyway.

You're doing everything you can. Your DS isn't going without, but you are. Your DP needs to step up:

Original poster
Isitokaytonotbeokay · 13/10/2018 20:56

Thanks so much lexi I honestly appreciate the kind words, I feel like I'm stuck in a rut where I'd rather just get on with it than say anything ifyswim... Anything for a quiet life I'm going to try my local area and see what groups we have I think even if I had somewhere or someone to grab coffee with n offload now n again it'd help. I don't even mention any of this to my family as their so opinionated and I just cannot be arsed with any hassle or confrontation so as far as their led to believe all is good and I'm doing great. I don't personally feel like I go without anything I've a roof over my head, food and water which is a far sight better than some have I just wanted to get all this out my head and by god its helped Flowers for you as a token of my appreciation

OP posts:
lexi727 · 13/10/2018 21:01

@Isitokaytonotbeokay you do have a roof over your head but you also need some support! Try and get out into the local area and see what you can find, it honestly will help. Having all the money in the world can't replace a supportive DP and a few friends around you to help you when you feel down. Don't think that just because you have it better than somebody else, that your feelings don't matter Thanks