tiny niggles in books - do you have one?

[Lovestonap]

I was thinking today how much I hate it when events and speech in books don't match up. An example (I have made up rather than transcribed):

They ordered their coffee and sat down with it. Petunia took a sip

• 3 lines of dialogue follow -

Ben finished his coffee and stood up

"I'll say good bye then".

In real life drinking coffee with someone. particularly a friend or relation means lots and lots of conversations - even if there is the occasional pause. Usually takes at least 15 minutes. Are we meant to think they sat in silence apart from the 30 seconds of dialogue?!?

Clunky plot device which irritates me. I should probably stop overthinking these things......

Anyone else got anything that winds them up like this?

I don't mind small details about clothing, as it helps me to picture the characters. I can't abide the head to toe descriptions, particularly if repeated (yes, yes, we know that the aloof but handsome lead man always wears an immaculately pressed suit, a crisp white shirt and handmade Italian leather shoes, we don't need to be reminded every time he makes an appearance)

It's worse if they're branded. Some heroines slip on their La Perlas, then their Prada LBD, then their Manolos.

Books where you feel that the publisher said "This is good. But if you could stick in another 150 pages of unnecessary waffle, not enhancing plot or character in any way, we could sell it for £3 more!"

Which seems to be most of them.

Ok, so not exactly tiny

Dan Brown again - one of his books is set in Seville and the climax is the villain chasing the heroine in a very famous tower there. But he keeps mentioning "the steps" in the tower, and that tower is famous for not having a staircase - it has a ramp that winds its way up instead!

Didn't Dan Brown have Robert Langdon jump out of a plane without a parachute in one book? And survive. I don't mind suspending reality a bit for the sake of entertainment but even I have limits.

MadamBatty, why doesn't the abortion storyline in The Break make sense?

how do writers that bad get a contract?

I'm a non-fiction editor. I suspect the commissioning editor just asked for a sample chapter and list of topics to be covered some of them twice.

Don't start me on Dan Brown, I have been reading THAT book winding staircase etc Since April. I started it, thought ok not bad, after about 40 pages, hmm maybe I'll read something else for a while. I pick it up every now and then and read a few more pages, it is OCTOBER, I am so sick of the book I have left it about 20 pages from the end, I cannot be bothered to read anymore. If someone could just tell me what happens at the end, you can save me from having to finish it.

I'm not a slow reader, I generally read a book a week. My Dp bought the book for me so I was valiantly trying to finish it and be suitably appreciative of his gift.

Seriously, I've no idea whether you can buy a book version of Midsummer Murders

You can! The television series is based on Caroline Graham's original Midsomer Murder crime novels - they're surprisingly dark and funny, and so much better than the screen version. Barnaby and his wife are still very nice as is tedious Cully but everyone else in the village is bitter, secretive, vengeful, unreliable and deeply unpleasant.

I get very niggled when a character addresses everyone as “darling”. It appears to be a way of showing they are middle class, compared with the lower class characters who call everyone “duck” or “dearie”. I don’t know anyone who does that in real life, so obviously I move in the wrong circles - and a good job too, as I’d feel like slapping them!

Tinty, save yourself, Dan Brown is a definite binner. Calon, thank you. I'll try one from library. Dont want to over-commit.

longwayoff Give them a go - they're brilliant.

Sold, calon. I'm off to rummage Amazon. Thanks

And, bought in kindle. V popular and many out of print but all on kindle. Anyone with unloved copies, now's the time to sell them. Great, my evening taken care of. Thanks again.

Totally agree with harry potter, diana gabaldon et al where the books are tight and well edited to start, then you can pinpoint which book in the series marks “success”- it’s twice as thick, rambles on, but the author now has more power and the editors less. Goblet of fire for hp i think?

Cornwell was similar. Later books got lazy and suddenly scarpetta goes from a well educated woman with a good grasp of spoken english to one who uses many jarring americanisms like “I don’t got”, and eats a lot of sausage biscuits.

Wtf is a sausage biscuit?!

I ADORE Wolf Hall but the he said, he said, he said thing took some getting used to.

This thread is making me Never noticed the creepy descriptions of women before, I'll have to take note of that now! I was probably skim reading. One peeve of mine is when teen dialogue is clearly written by adults trying to sound cool, can't think of specific example right now but its often quite jarring.

And while we're at it, it isn't only vampires who don't need nut crackers to deal with chestnuts - Deborah Harkness, I'm looking at you and I am very fond of tea but it doesn't have near-orgasmic properties (or perhaps I am making it wrong)

Janet evanovich, her series "one for the money" etc
I find most of them funny as, but there is one in the series, quite a late one maybe 15 or thereabouts where she "the female lead" destroys about 15 cars, in one book. Jesus. Not doing much for feminism love.
It's a while since I read it so possibly they were all blown up. However she lives the life I would want to live if at all possible, even if her batty grandma had to also be in my life.

Snuffling and snorting at the Anne McCaffrey books where everyone is called F'lon, F'nor, F'lar, F'nar etc Sounds like the children of Finbarr Saunders.

Bloobs as Longwayoff has said Inspector Wexford is totally normal, loves his wife and daughters and is completely well-adjusted. There are the usual family dramas from time to time of course. His sidekick, Burdon (Burden?) was widowed but both his marriages have been blissfully happy (apart from wife no 2 having ante natal depression).

The only thing weird about Wexford is that in 1964 he was nearing retirement with two daughters in their early twenties and in 2004 he was still nearing retirement with two middle aged daughters. A victim of the local government pension crisis perhaps?

Oh and I think Cormoran Strike's leg, or lack of it, is the equivalent of Harry Potter's scar, something to hurt to build the tension.

I've just had a horrible virus and was stuck in bed and read The Lie. It mentions the love interest working in a primary school. A couple of chapters on he's exhausted after teaching Year 11s. Did this book have no editor?

People often complain about the increasing size of the HP books, but I’m pretty sure lots of the readers simply can’t get enough of the Hogwarts ambience and would happily read as much of it as was available. The spare two hundred pages of background stuff are just catnip to a huge percentage of the audience.