tiny niggles in books - do you have one?

[Lovestonap]

I was thinking today how much I hate it when events and speech in books don't match up. An example (I have made up rather than transcribed):

They ordered their coffee and sat down with it. Petunia took a sip

• 3 lines of dialogue follow -

Ben finished his coffee and stood up

"I'll say good bye then".

In real life drinking coffee with someone. particularly a friend or relation means lots and lots of conversations - even if there is the occasional pause. Usually takes at least 15 minutes. Are we meant to think they sat in silence apart from the 30 seconds of dialogue?!?

Clunky plot device which irritates me. I should probably stop overthinking these things......

Anyone else got anything that winds them up like this?

Agree with so many of these, can I also add a ‘slick of lipgloss’

A lot of 80s and 90s chick lit (which I read for the same reason that I watched Neighbours and Home & Away - didn't need to think too hard!) seemed to involve unnecessary detail - they always drank Chardonnay or Pinot grigio, never just "white wine" ; they always wore Manolo Blahniks or Louboutins, not just "heels"; they always seemed to "slick" their lipstick on (which made me think of an oily smear across their faces) and I didn't need a description of their clothes either in most cases.

I know you're supposed to "Paint a picture with words" but you don't need to point out every fucking detail!

Spelling mistakes in books make me cross, especially if they're repeated. One off = typo, just about forgivable but if it's repeated then someone doesn't know how to spell it.
Or, in some cases, what it means! Nonplussed is a good one - discovered through a thread on here that some people believe that nonplussed = not fussed (probably because they rhyme ), not that it means "taken aback, not sure where to turn or what to do next"

The next ones that annoy me are Americanisms - I can't stand the word normalcy (whatever was wrong with normality?) and I don't understand why they use "I could care less" which makes no sense, whereas "I couldn't care less" makes perfect sense (to me, obviously).
I'm not anti-American - I just don't like seeing these particular items in books (or anywhere!) and they make me grit my teeth.

I am completely over the unreliable narrator trend. In fact, now I think of it, I've been over it for at least five years...

As an aspiring author, this thread is interesting!

I've read plenty of books where there have been small errors that makes me wonder who proofread it, when they seem so glaringly obvious. And authors who don't research places properly: now we have the ability to see so many photos on the Internet, there's streetview and such good satellite images there's no excuse to get things wrong, even if you can't visit the place yourself.

Iwantchocolates - but you even have to be careful with Streetview and Google maps because they're not always up to date either!

That is true, but I think as long as it's not a major change and the imagery is only a couple of years old you can get away with it. After all, between finishing a book and it appearing on the shelves things can change and the text wouldn't reflect it.

I guess I'm thinking of using it to check things like where the station is and if there's a pub in the village, which aren't overly likely to change much. I only tend to write about places I can actually visit, anyway!

@thefishwhocouldwish Surprise Me by Sophie Kinsella, I thought the same!

Mine is definitely when characters are called names starting with the same letter or sound i.e. Steven, Struan, Stuart, Stella, Sarah...

Barbara Taylor Bradford books are usually overwordy and use three words when one would do, but my favourite of hers was when a background character was described as being ‘fatally killed.’ I wasn’t aware of the none fatal version.

There was a dreadful Jane Green book that’s name escapes me. It’s one where a woman bins a bloke for being poor in favour of a boring rich bloke, then when she realises she loves bloke one he’s conveniently waiting around for her... Anyway. There’s a description of her poky garden flat which I always thought was London talk for ‘basement.’ And at one point after slicking on her lippy she runs down the stairs to meet her date

@jjemimapuddleduck don't read One hundred years of solitude, there are seventeen different characters called Aureliano Buendia

Just remembered - about 6 years ago I went to a small book launch for a self-published book (it was open to public as part of a Christmas fair). Being a keen reader, I went along and looked at the book. Sadly, the blurb said the main character was called Tom Cruise and then joked about him always being mistaken for the actor. Sorry, but unless it's a massive part of the plot (it wasn't as far as I could tell), why would you do that? I didn't buy it.

I also read a book (Katie Fforde?) in which a prominent character was called Sue Sylvester. The author even said in the intro she deliberately didn't change it even after there was a character called that on 'Glee'.

Things like that ruin a book for me.

I must say I was getting a bit tired of the constant references to Ruth Ga!loway's weight/size. Then in the most recent one I read, another character appeared to have an eating disorder, and I began to think the constant references to weight said more about the author than the character.

I once read a crime/mystery novel featuring a supposedly competent woman police detective. Who wore a cream trouser suit to work. And then went to interview someone on a farm. Who wears a cream trouser suit to work in any job, never mind one where you don't know where you might have to go on any day?

And yes, authors who never do so much as look at a map when doing their research. I've seen too many authors who think you get to Kent by travelling south from London.

I read a book yesterday in which one of the characters fondly remembered being obsessed with Black Beauty as a child and mentioned the scene where the young boy tames and rides the stallion along the beach. That was The Black Stallion not Black Beauty. I enjoyed the book but that part really annoyed me.

Has anyone else got seemingly irrational rules for book buying? I have a couple, no pink books and no books where the quoted reviews are from obscure people or publications that I've never heard of, Mudtown Herald, Slugbrow Times for example. Find it saves wasted time.

Has anyone else got seemingly irrational rules for book buying?

Yep. I only buy books from a charity shop in the next village. They seem to have someone who donates books that have only just been released and read once so are near perfect condition and the chazzer knocks them out for - 20p.

Anne, I whooped (in my head only, however) this very morning at just such a place when I spotted a hardback of a book that's been on my Amazon wish list for ages, for the princely sum of 30p

I can't cope with books that randomly go forward and back in time and you are meant to guess when you are

20p!?! Try our local Oxfam, unbelievably used from Amazon is cheaper including postage.

Has anyone else got seemingly irrational rules for book buying?

I always take the word "hilarious" as a warning it probably isn't.

@Frogletmama yes! I'm reading a book now which keeps jumping around between three or four different years, but also telling the story from the POV of 2 different people! As I only get to read it in 20 minute stretches on my way to/from work it's very confusing

... also irritated by people who have 'sparkling' eyes or worse, eyes that 'dance'. My brain just imagines that very literally which is a little off-putting!

Two that I've thought of as I've read the thread:

A book by Jane Fallon where one of the characters has a double life as a vet in London and Lincolnshire. A character goes to Lincoln and it's nothing like she described - I think she said something about a restaurant near the theatre that wasn't right. It's a couple of hours away from London, and some of your readers will no doubt be familiar with the city, so at least make the effort to get it right.

Like the Sue Sylvester one further up the page, there was a series of books where the male romantic character was called Alex Reid. The first one definitely came out around the time when Katie Price was going out with Alex Reid. Made me wonder why they didn't change it.

Keepserving - I feel the same about the word "witty". Witty in the book description means to me: "might be trying to be funny but really, really isn't".

Irrational rules - I don't read any contemporary fiction where the narrator is a detective or police officer, because police procedural stuff bores me rigid. I'm aware that some such novels might be otherwise really good, but I just can't face reading lengthy descriptions of police interviews and superintendents bawling people out; and police officer narrators are always tedious workaholics.

... and their superior officers are always desk-bound and in thrall to the press, and the need to 'get a quick result'

@DuggeesWoggle Eleanor in Eleanor Oliphant is a normal shape and size! I really noticed it because I'm so used to female characters being described as very thin.