Does anyone else cry after parents night?

[lostlalaloopsy]

Just back from dc's parents evenings. Dd, who is almost 10, was as poor as ever. She has struggled since P1 and the school kept telling me it would get better but it still hasn't. Her reading and maths is very poor, and before she would always attempt the work but now she is giving up before even trying. She is losing her confidence basically. They really just fobbed DH and I off, I was on the verge of tears so barely speak. I have asked continually for tests for dyslexia/dyspraxia but always get told it won't make difference to the level of support she's getting.

I'm just so worried for her. We try to do stuff at home, but she gets very frustrated quickly - in school she is a very quiet and polite girl. But I think takes her frustrations out at home.

Anyone else have a similar situation?

awww, OP, so much sympathy for you all! Keep asking for those tests - it might not change things now but you will build up a file you might be able to use in the future. Also, test results might give you some even better ideas how to help from home. Plus, results might also reassure your DD that her misery at school has a reason, a name.

If school it not working for your DD, does she have some other strengths you can expand? art/drawing? dance? sport? photography? Does she go to cubs/scouts/brownies or other activities which are not based on school skills?

Ours is Tuesday. I have two in yr 5, one is really struggling. He tries hard and is well liked, he gets lots of support but I know I’ll be upset. For him not at him if you get me.

Yes I experienced this with my oldest son. He was behind in everything. School kept saying he was distracted and attention seeking. I queried ADHD and school said he was just naughty. I am so glad I did not listen to them. He was eventually diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD. I had to pursue it all myself via the GP because school were not helpful. Personally, I feel getting a diagnosis helped him avoid constant attacks on his self esteem.

Ours is in 2 weeks and I will cry. Then I will cry again when I have other dcs parents Eve were i’ll be told how wonderful they are and I remember that I won’t ever get that with one of them. It sucks!

Just had parents evening. Ds1 is always off in a dream world and could do really well "if only he tried".
Yeah, we've been hearing that every single time and still the boy wont focus. His writing is like a child much younger.
Ds2 is in reception. Basically the report was - he can't focus, doesn't listen, wont get himself changed for PE and wont even hold a pencil properly. Struggles to play fairly.
The teacher didn't say "Look, he's a massive pain in the bum." but she might as well have! I know its true, I'm just not sure what I can do about it.

I could have written this post a few years ago. Dd is now 14 and in yr10. I harbour great resentment towards her primary school as they fobbed us off for years and then in yr6 basically said it was too late and she would never catch up.
She is doing ok at school but I imagine will only pass a couple of gcse if we are lucky.
We moved dd2 to a different primary after this and she has just joined yr7 and is in such a stronger position than dd1 was.
What year is your dd in? Would you consider moving her? I really feel for you I cried after every parents evening.

Pursue diagnosis via your GP OP. I took in a list of things that were worrying me and showed it to the GP and he immediately agreed to refer us to the paediatrician for testing. My DS is 7 and we suspect dyslexia and other possible SENs in addition. He has always been behind too and we're considering moving him down a year at some point to give him a chance to catch up, as I doubt he'll be ready to do public exams on schedule and an extra year could make all the difference to his confidence and his skills. Please don't despair and don't let the school fob you off. Get your DD diagnosed and then take it from there. There are tutors who specialise in dyslexia and there are strategies to help kids with other SENs too, but first you need to know what her specific needs are. We were recommended to see the NHS paediatrician and to also book a session with an educational psychologist. Be strong

OP, we're not in crying territory yet, but also have a son (7, in Y3) who is struggling and school have assured us it'll get better and said we couldn't have him repeat a year after Y1. We're looking into splurging on an independent ed psych assessment for him as more and more it seems like it's not just summer born, there's some stuff that's just a bit puzzling about his difficulties picking things up.

I feel for you - in year 3 I was basically told that "there are always kids who don't get it" about DD. They were giving up on her at 8 years old.
I took my struggling and sad girl - trying so hard and not getting anywhere and wanting to basically vanish - out of that school. Got her a place at another, they helped me to get her assessed and diagnosed.
Today I have got a DD with ADHD and discalculia on her way to university.

If the school aren't offering help could you ask the GP about a referral for testing? You don't need to take your dd with you if you think it would make her feel bad for you to list her issues

OP, this is my dd, she's now 14.
Does your dd have any hobbies or interests?
I ask as this can be a good way of building up confidence away from the classroom.
Something you can do is to make sure you do answer any questions she has, help if she asks, let her know you will help her.

I'm not sure how she will do in GCSE's if she passes it will be scraped through.She is lucky though as she managed to find her talent and knows what she wants to do.

I sympathise as this was every parents evening we attended. In the end we H.educated for 3 years, she might as well struggle at home as at school.
Now back at school and whilst still scraping by, is trying really hard for the first time for years.
Find what she's good at OP, let her try lots of different things.

You can pay for a private dyslexia screening. Here they don't test at school anymore (they say they already provide the right support if they suspect it although this isn't always the case). I know that's an added expense and I don't know if that something you could afford to do, but it's cheaper and more accepted than other private diagnosis like asd and adhd.

I have two private dyslexia diagnosis's (one as a child and another as an adult when I went into university) ... it helped me understand my learning style and I finishes uni with a 2.1. It's about understanding how she learns.

The school should be providing better support though, have you spoke to the senco?

If you think your child is really struggling ask if you can have a meeting with the class teacher and special needs coordinator. Then ask if your child’s assessment levels and progress suggest your child is not on track for their expected levels (not nationally expected but levels based on your child’s starting point) if these are not at the expected level then ask what is being done to support your child. I know I would find these difficult conversations but have your questions clear in your mind and if necessary just write down their answers for you to process later

Thank you everyone for your replies for sharing your stories, let's hope all our previous dcs get the support they need.

Dd does dance classes swimming, however these are both difficult for her. She lacks the co-ordination and hasn't got great stamina. We're thinking of stopping the swimming, she has a basic stroke so would manage on holiday etc. She won't hear of stopping dancing. She has started at Guides and I think that will be great for her! She is also very lucky to have a lovely wee group of pals.

I have tried so many times over the years with school - meetings, emails - doesn't really get me anywhere. I will go to the GP about her, that's a great idea.

She will be starting secondary in a couple of years, and my worry is if there is no official diagnosis now she will get completely lost in a huge school.

We actually went to DS's appointment after dd's, he is in P2 and is 6. He is doing well, in the exact place he should be. His teacher told me I was allowed to smile about this news, but I trying to contain the tears 😢

We paid to have our son tested privately when the school wouldn't do it to a meaningful degree. That provided the documentation we needed to get him additional support and accommodations. They told us there was no evidence of a need, so we had to go and get the evidence ourselves. It was a bit of a battle with the school, but I'm glad we did it.

i had the same battle with my daughter. I felt like I was constantly hitting a brick wall . I went to GP in tears after I was having no support from the school. I have found that it is more common than I actually knew just I guess people still don't want to talk about the topic as no one wants to be going through this with a child.
My D maths and English is also very poor but her concentration level is very minimal. It has taken a while and a lot off battling to get tests and assessments done. We are still going through this now as I feel that it will take some time but even one little step in right direction is a positive. Now we are looking at teaching my daughter in a different manner to start to meet her learning needs. I used the support of a Multi sensory training centre. You may have one in your area or a national one you can look at for support. They may have ideas which you could use whilst you are awaiting answers.

Yep last year when told that dd2 wasn't expected to meet any expectations. She now has a dyspraxia diagnosis (and did meet expectations last year).

I'm dreading this year's - class teacher seems determined to remove any provisions made for her - even a handwriting slope so she's being set up to fail and I've been on school's back so much to keep things going that is going to be frosty anyway!

I wept once, when my son’s Science teacher (bottom set, Year 11) told me he was a pleasure to have in the class. Because it was bottom set, there were quite a few who couldn’t care less and were difficult. He got on with his work, always tried and wasn’t a pain.

I’d got so used to hearing negative stuff, that when she was so nice about him, I just cried. If they could all see him now though!

I'm afraid I haven't had time to read the full thread but so apologies if I repeat others suggestions. As a teacher sometimes there are always children who are going to struggle without any obvious reason and I can think of a child I taught a few years ago who was that child. He tried so hard and his mum used to become so upset at parents evening, it was awful for both of us. That said, if your child has not been assessed for dyslexia then I would say push it with the school (we have a computer programme in school that gives us a rough indication of whether children are dyslexic and then allows us to involve an Educational Psychologist if needed). Could you afford to get an assessment done privately if you feel there is an issue?

Definitely go to your GP with a list of your worries, it’s shocking that she’s now in P5 (I assume?) and still struggling.

To be honest regardless of what the GP says I would email the headteacher outlining your concerns requesting a meeting to discuss what support the school is going to put in place for her to help her achieve. If you are still not happy then go to your schools Quality Improvement Officer in the Council’s education department.

Have a look at the GIRFEC information and Wellbeing Wheel stuff online and use some of that terminology in your email. The lack of support at school is clearly affecting her mental well-being if she has loss confidence etc.

Basically it’s time to release your inner tiger because the school isn’t trying its best for your child so you have to.

Depending on where you are there are independent Educational Psychologists who could also help, and you should talk to any local independent organisations who work with kids with ASN to see what advice they can give you.

Don’t be fobbed off, you need to fight.

Keep pushing, she sounds like DD who only finally got a diagnosis of ASD and Dyspraxia aged 17. Life would have been so much easier if we'd known, rather that being continually told it was our crap parenting/DD naughty behaviour for 15 years. (it wasn't and she wasn't.). All the signs of the ASD and Dyspraxia were there, we just kept being ignored because DD was so well behaved at school and doing ok academically.
And suddenly post diagnosis lots of extra help was available at school! Extra time in exams, etc.

@cigarsofthepharoahs "wont even hold a pencil properly" is one of the signs of dyspraxia.

My immediate thought when you said about co-ordination was dyspraxia. If it is dyspraxia, it’s not just about learning support but there’s additional equipment that can help (like special pens, seating, desks) and some children are even entitled to a scribe for exams if they struggle with writing.

I’m dyslexic and autistic. Both were diagnosed when I was an adult. The key thing for me about diagnosis was understanding who I am and why I struggle like I do. So them fobbing you off is appalling. I would definitely go via your GP if school are refusing to help.

It will make a difference to the support she is legally entitled too. Schools are over stretched so they may not be able to give more one-to-one support but they have to make modifications for her: different coloured paper, use of ICT instead od handwriting assessments and/ or a reader and scribe for assessments depending on what helps her the most - and potentially extra time to complete them. It could change everything. And she can't get into trouble for falling behind or things that are outwith her control.

Your DD is lucky to have a mum so much in as you. I can't add anything to the advice given above, except to say she sounds like a lovely girl and not everyone can be very academic. There's still plenty of time for her to find her talents, but what matters most is that she is kind and happy. I think you should be proud of her and yourself.