Does anyone else cry after parents night?

[lostlalaloopsy]

Just back from dc's parents evenings. Dd, who is almost 10, was as poor as ever. She has struggled since P1 and the school kept telling me it would get better but it still hasn't. Her reading and maths is very poor, and before she would always attempt the work but now she is giving up before even trying. She is losing her confidence basically. They really just fobbed DH and I off, I was on the verge of tears so barely speak. I have asked continually for tests for dyslexia/dyspraxia but always get told it won't make difference to the level of support she's getting.

I'm just so worried for her. We try to do stuff at home, but she gets very frustrated quickly - in school she is a very quiet and polite girl. But I think takes her frustrations out at home.

Anyone else have a similar situation?

I'm a firm believer in everyone having a talent, you just have to find it.

Children learn in different ways and if you have a visual learner they can be poorly catered for at school. Try to find things they can do at home that they can complete and feel proud. Make use of online websites - bbc bitesize used to have fun games. Playing with something like this programme improves co-ordination www.picassohead.com/create.html Try to make learning more fun at home.

My mum (if she was on here) would most certainly want to comment on this. My brother who is 3.5 years younger than me really struggled at school, particularly primary. My sister struggled too but her want to please seemed to see her through...just! I remember Mum crying after every parents evening that she went to for my brother because she was so full of worry for his future. He was never entered into the Y6 SATs as they didn't expect him to get a Level 3. I've got no idea how they got Mum to agree with this or how it was allowed (I'm a teacher myself now and find this quite unbelievable). Anyway to cut a long story short he is now 25 and doing very well for himself. He went to college at 16 and enrolled on a Level 1 joinery course that he just got onto because of poor gcse results. He continued onto Level 2 during which time an apprenticeship came up. He ended up getting it and started on his 17th birthday. He has stuck with the same company who have helped him achieved equivalent qualifications in Maths and English to GCSE by doing day release at college. He works full time and owns his own house (got this with no help from others age 23). I hope this reassures you that with the right attitude and guidance any difficulty can be overcome.

My sister has recently had a dyslexia diagnosis at 25 because she did a Foundation Degree and they tested her. It is such a shame it couldn't have been done sooner. We are pretty sure my mum and brother all would get a diagnosis if assessed. We'd all recommend pushing for an assessment if you can as you never know what support you may need in the future.

If you can afford it get a private assessment. It didnt help with help at school, sadly, but it gave me the confidence to back up what I my gut feel told me, and I supported my son outside of school to do things to build his self esteem, accessed audio books and obtained an opticians colorimetry assessment and glasses, which was what he needed.

Unfortunately all that lot probably cost us £1000 in all but if you can afford it, at least stuff gets done. If your child is pupil premium (if pp still exists) try that argument with the school.

I found school impossible as teachers change, senco staff change, schools change and theres such a lack of resources. I also think its difficult to really know what will help a child as there are so many angles to these diversities. Its not so much schools dont care its just they have so many demands its difficult for them.

My DCs have left school now and are all working but I remember pulling my hair out after parents evening. Once I was even shown another childs work (i saw the name as she opened the book). It was clear to me it wasnt theirs but I let her go on and on about how wonderful he was doing and the improvement. Then I said thanks and that Im surprised he had made such major improvements. Was it his work? She insisted it was...... And called me the next day to apologise. It was just one of the hugely frustrating nights that were parents evenings.

Don't expect the school to do anything even if they expect a SEN. There isn't enough money in the pot that's the bottom line. Also, and rather surprisingly many teachers are not trained in dyslexia so have no idea what to look for. If you can afford to I would get her assessed by a private Ed psych. It's ££ so worth it. My DD has just been diagnosed with dyscalculia and dyslexia (also aged 10). Now the school are pulling their finger out. I'm not at all bitter about all the lost years. Not at all.

Just to say thank you for this thread, because I have just come home from parents evening in tears for the first time, and I turned to MN for a bit of solace, and here you all are! (Nothing awful but DS is clearly slipping behind, and that's the first time I've been told that.)

Bookridden your post has made me cry again, thank you!

Monopoly my sister was similar as in she did not get diagnosed with dyslexia until she was in college at 17. That is great news about your brother! Well done!

Bluebrush it's really hard isn't it? Every parents night I go in and hope for a glimmer of hope, still waiting after 6 years!

So I contacted the local Ed Psych office today and they are happy to take my referral. She did say they would speak to the school so I'm hoping I will not get fobbed off by them. I also contacted the ASN teacher at school and asked for dd to referred to support workers to work on building her confidence and resilience - I honestly don't know why the school don't think of these things themselves!!

Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories, it's good to know I'm not the only one with this worry!