Not going over last bosses head to make a formal complaint about her bullying crap!
I haven't worked since and I learned just a few months after I left (but too late to do anything about it! The law on this stuff the statute of limitations is shittily short!) that her boss was vaguely aware there were issues - I also learned several previous incumbents of the role had also left within weeks of taking on the role, I'd actually lasted the longest! - but because nobody had made a formal complaint and he had no proof his hands were tied.
She was a completely unhinged nasty, gaslighting bitch who was paranoid every person who went into my job wanted hers!
I wish I'd realised I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by reporting the cow!
If they didn't believe me I could have left on legitimate health grounds anyway as it massively affected my mental health, which was (as she knew!) already not great.
If they did believe me, either she'd have been reined in or more likely "encouraged" to take a slightly earlier retirement (she was due to retire in the next 5 years anyway). She may even have been sacked. And I could have kept a job that otherwise I very much enjoyed and got on well with the other colleagues.
I'm always tempted to say marrying ex, but as dd rightly says I wouldn't have her if not. So that's a tough one. I love dd to bits and can't imagine having a different child (not saying she's perfect but the crappy bits are definitely him!!). No real red flags or so I thought, but probably if us posted on mn about my reticence at the time I'd have been told to cancel the wedding.
We'd plodded along, got engaged cos we had been together a few years and his career meant we hit a point where it was make or break.
But it was never a grand passion on my part. I was his first ltr (we met & married quite young, though I wrongly thought I was "grown up" at the time!), he was my 2nd and if I'm truly honest I was still carrying a torch for ex fiancé. Which is not to say I didn't put full effort into the marriage! After having dd he turned into someone I truly didn't recognise or know! Some crappy 1950's throwback who expected me to do ALL the housework, childcare and financial management AND sex on demand regardless how I felt! Absolutely no indication of this pre-dd. The marriage was struggling and his solution was to cheat! We split as a result and he rarely paid maintenance and hasn't seen dd for years.
I wish I'd picked a better father for dd.
Ex-fiancé and I have mutual friends we're both still in touch with. Apparently a lot of "sliding doors" type moments with the 2 of us. We split due to outside circumstances rather than the relationship failing (very young, still somewhat financially dependent on parents which led to us being opposite ends of country). He's now married with DC but mutual friends have said its not a happy marriage and he's stayed for the DC. They feel if he were single he'd want to be with me. This is why I don't get in touch though, I think it would mess with both our heads too much, and be unfair to his family. Just the way life goes sometimes.
As someone who did uni twice as a mature student I too would absolutely encourage anyone of any age to do it if it's at all possible! You're never too old! Certainly not in your 30's! I'm 46 and if I ever get my health sorted I'm hoping to do a postgrad maybe even a PhD.
Wish I'd sought help for my mh issues earlier, but fear of what that would involve stopped me. I guess it could be argued I wasn't ready but if I had I could maybe have avoided full breakdowns and maybe got it all sorted before it got as bad as it has.