15 year old niece having sex - no contraception, WWYD?

[vivariumvivariumsvivaria]

Seems I am the Cool Auntie. She's been having sex with her steady boyfriend, no contraception at all. Not pregnant (yet). I've had the chat with them about both being underage and stupid to not be using condoms - they are too worried about being underage to speak to GP/youth sexual services or buy them.

Her parents don't know. She has a tricky relationship with her dad, her mum's ok, but, a bit quick to over react and she and I are not close buddies.

Niece has only just turned 15.

Would you tell her parents, or respect her privacy and get her sorted with a giant bag of condoms and advice from the sexual health clinic?

I really can't figure out what's for the best - if it was my daughter, I'd want to know - but, if I tell them, niece won't confide in me again - and I suspect she's going to need a bit of listening to.

She's a lovely girl, but, being a difficult teen at the moment, lots of not being where she's supposed to be or who she's supposed to be with, smattering of episodes of being completely pissed, and now shagging behind the bike shed. Or wherever they can, it seems.

And maybe what they -either or both- are actually asking "Cool Auntie" to do is advise them that this is not a good idea, remind them of the legalities and that it is fine to say no. It should be possible to supervise them if needs be as presumably meetings are infrequent and you talk of having to contrive absences to discuss it.

Yes, what Liz says. Dniece sounds very immature.

I'm close with my SIL she's 12 years younger than my DH and when she started having sex at 15 she told me and nobody else. MIL is in her 50s but has views from the stone age. So very difficult to talk to about certain things.

She told me she was using condoms and she had got the pill - responsible enough. However I made it clear that any advice, I was here and if she ever needed anything I would get it if she couldn't etc. I never told anyone.

She's 18 now and has been in a lesbian relationship for almost 2 years. She also only told me at the start of that too. Again I kept that to myself and she told others when she was ready

Oh FGS. Preserve the poor girl's confidentiality!
Put yourself in her position, not that of her mother!
Just because YOU would want to know does NOT mean you or the mother have the right to know. She will tell when she wants them to know.
Yes, I am shouting!
Read about Victoria Gillick, as I mentioned before
Angry mothers keeping daughters behind bars and banning contraception will not stop anything, and will lead to poor relationships for a very long time to come. And pregnancy and STIs. Go for the least bad, safest for the daughter, option. Mothers wishes come last, she is not the patient here.

Tell her this:

I started having sex at the same age (15)(unprotected) .At 17 I caught genital herpes off the same boyfriend.

I was hospitalised at first it was that severe.

I wish to God I had used protection.

I have it for life

Herpes is on the rise, although comdons don't protect 100% they're a bloody good start!

I know you'd be gutted if your daughter went to SIL over you, but you'd also be glad she went to SOMEBODY! Sometimes, no matter how close you are to your parents, it's just too embarrassing to talk to them when you're young!

Apologies if somebody has suggested this upthread but "back in my day" the school nurse could give out free condoms and give advice too. Not sure if that helps.

Ok, thanks for the advice - hadn't actually thought about the practicalities of taking the boyfriend, was stuck on stop-her-from-getting-pregnant. All good points.

I think that if she is sorted with contraception, belt and braces, that it's ok to keep her confidence. Issues between her and her mother have always been there and it's not going to get easier anytime soon.

Agree, she's not that mature - I have a girl the same age, and they are different creatures, both great kids, but, yes, they are poles apart as far as insight goes.

I'll see her next week. We are going to walk the dog together, get away the two of us. I'll tell her that she can come to me about anything, but, that she needs to be safe and that means condoms. I have a great story about a friend of mine who gave two friends of mine genital warts. I'll get some images of STIs to show her, take her a bag of condoms and make her show me that she can fit them.

Would you give her a banana, or dildo for Condom 101? ...

I'll get some images of STIs to show her, take her a bag of condoms and make her show me that she can fit them.

You're over stepping the mark far too much by 'ensuring she can fit them'

Apologies if that was a complete joke though!

Also, some might think it's not really your business to belt and brace her from getting pregnant . Some might say it's her body and to leave her alone.

I'm not one of them

they are too worried about being underage to speak to GP/youth sexual services or buy them.

If they are too immature to buy or obtain condoms, they are too immature to be having sex. Stupid idiots having unprotected sex, honestly.

I'd point out to her they'll be far more embarrassed when they have to tell their parents she's pregnant. Buy some condoms to tide them over but explain to her that if they're old enough to have sex they're old enough to source their own contraception (as have many teenagers for years). If she's naive I'd explain her GP/Brook clinic cannot inform her parents.