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Original poster

DS hard to manage

65 replies

MishMashMosher · 09/10/2018 11:21

I will try to keep this short as I've posted before but didn't get any replies maybe because it was too long.

My 5 yo DS is pushing me over the edge. His behaviour is awful and I often feel like I can't cope with him. He has horrific tantrums that can last an hour or more, screaming banging on the floor and hitting me. He bites his sister and hurts her.

The school are concerned about his behaviour at school but at the same time describe him as being within the normal range behaviour wise. I've been to speak to them many times but feel like an inconvenience and that I've over reacting. He struggles with school work and is 'emerging' for everything. He refuses to do all homework and reading at home.

Saying one little thing to him can set him off and that's it. You have to wait for the tantrum to be over. Often when we are out he will throw himself to the ground and whinge and scream. I'm very strict with him and never give in to him but nothing works.

Getting dressed in the morning is a nightmare. He can just about concentrate long enough to put a sock on. We are late constantly. I often drag him. Kicking and screaming to school.

I have no problems with my daughter at all.

What can I do? He ruins so many things with his behaviour. He has me in tears constantly.

OP posts:

Original poster

MishMashMosher · 09/10/2018 14:16

@bigarse1

Ive just read up on dpa (pathological demand avoidance) and that is literally my DS. I felt like they had written it about him!
Even down to the delayed speech and then slowly caught up.

OP posts:

Original poster

MishMashMosher · 09/10/2018 14:17

Blue his tonsils are huge. They touch! I will look up sleep apnea thank you.

OP posts:

bigarse1 · 09/10/2018 14:24

@MishMashMosher when we read it we were like omg that so him! in the end they diagnosed the worst case of spd they had ever seen, the highest possible adhd and severe autism. the drs attitude was that he def had pda traits but she wasn't sure whether they were pda itself or a way of him handling the other diagnoses when it all got to much. im still in too minds but he is def better when I view it differently. for example, I can get way more work out of him than school can but that's cos I time it very carefully and accept that there are times he just cant do it. there are loads of books that are good on the subject and maybe the out of sync child if you think there are sensory issues too x

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5 year olds Families

Original poster

MishMashMosher · 09/10/2018 14:44

I know what you mean about timing things right. I have worked out some ways of dealing with DS and timing is definitely key. I need to try and get him to think he's made the decision to do soemthing rather than me telling him to if you know what I mean. How old is your DS? It must be a struggle for him having sensory issues. I don't think that's an issue with my DS. He's not massively keen on crowds or loud noise but it doesn't cause a problem. Thank you for replying.

OP posts:

haba · 09/10/2018 15:24

My first thought is- have you had his hearing tested? Sounds a bit odd, but deafness caused such a deterioration in my children's behaviour, much due to their frustration. Particularly if he has tonsil issues.

haba · 09/10/2018 15:25

Tonsils, glue ear-, all connected.

Original poster

MishMashMosher · 09/10/2018 16:15

He had a hearing test about 6 months ago and all fine.

I think I'm going to mention his behaviour to the gp next week and see what they say. I just know they are going to ask what the school think.

OP posts:

ileclerc · 09/10/2018 16:19

@mishmashmosher no advice about anything else but have they not gven you a spacer for the inhaler? Go to the chemist and ask for one if not. DTs have chronic croup that they have inhalers for - when the cough starts I can administer it via the spacer when they are asleep.

tobee · 09/10/2018 16:33

Absolutely mention this to gp. For a start the pencil thing fits in with dyspraxia. From getting my dc assessed (one is autistic, the other has dyspraxia) there are lots of things that link up/overlap.

Original poster

MishMashMosher · 09/10/2018 16:34

I do have a spacer but I he still needs to put the mouth piece in his mouth. Sorry if I'm being thick here but there is honestly no way I'd be able to give it to him while he was asleep or coughing.

OP posts:

SoyDora · 09/10/2018 16:38

You can get a type of spacer that fits over the face rather than going in the mouth.

Original poster

MishMashMosher · 09/10/2018 16:41

I didn't know that Soy, that would be brilliant for DS. It really annoys me when he won't take his inhaler as he knows it helps him! I will go to the chemist at some point and get one.

OP posts:

SoyDora · 09/10/2018 17:15

DD had one of the over face ones before she was 2 as she wouldn’t put it in her mouth. Sounds like it would help.

Original poster

MishMashMosher · 09/10/2018 18:34

He can use a normal one but a mask would help massively with the refusal and we might all get some sleep!

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SoyDora · 09/10/2018 18:36

I feel your pain, DD1 gets an awful night time cough whenever she gets a cold and even one night of it is enough to drive me to distraction.

nextdoorscatwantstomovein · 09/10/2018 18:52

Mishmash with dd1 I had a spacer with a mask and I used to give her preventer inhaler when she was asleep by using the mask.

nextdoorscatwantstomovein · 09/10/2018 18:55

You can get spacers with masks that fit older children or adults, dd1(16) still uses one when she has a severe attack(thankfully she doesn't have many now)

Original poster

MishMashMosher · 09/10/2018 19:38

Thanks so much everyone for your advice and kind words. I will let you know what the doctors say next week.

OP posts:

bigarse1 · 10/10/2018 06:44

@MishMashMosher he is 5 and a twin and his sister has also just been diagnosed with asd, spd and anxiety! not been a fun few months in this house but it all makes so much sense now and I think as they are becoming older the issues are becoming more obvious x

Bin85 · 10/10/2018 07:27

I would try very hard to get a GP's appointment ( preferably a double time one ) yourself to discuss all this without your son being present . You need to say it's severely affecting the quality of life for everyone in the family .Do this ASAP and then GP can see him next week.Hope you get some answers and help - good luck.

edamismadebackwards · 10/10/2018 07:36

Just to add too about the spacer and mask, there's a child one, it's yellow, your asthma nurse should be able to give you a prescription for one, or else they're about £14 to buy.

Original poster

MishMashMosher · 10/10/2018 07:41

Bin, I was planning on taking ds but giving him my phone to play on (this is a serious treat!) I know he won't be taking any of what I say in.

The thing is, it really is affecting our quality of life. I feel sorry for my dd as she loses out on so much because of ds. I'm more snappy with her and I know it's not her fault. Sometimes she will say something and it will cause a meltdown for DS and I'll be like why did you say that?! But she's 7 it's not her fault, and why should she have to watch what she says all the time? I feel like such an awful parent.

Bigarse, sounds like it's been a tough time for you, do you get much help and support now your dc have been diagnosed
?

OP posts:

Bin85 · 10/10/2018 08:43

I do sympathise
As a Mum you know when something isn't quite right .
It can be scary asking questions as you may be worried about the answers .
Was he premature by any chance?

Original poster

MishMashMosher · 10/10/2018 12:03

No, two weeks late! Perfect pregnancy. I didn't so much as take a paracetamol or drink any alcohol. Its so frustrating. I think there's definitely something not right with him but it's not really that obvious unless you spend time with him. I go through stages of thinking he's fine and I'm over reacting but when he's having a bad day and I feel like I cant cope with him anymore, I know there's soemthing.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 10/10/2018 12:13

This must be such a worry for you.

Is there anyone he'd listen to about his inhaler? Does he have any older cousins or friends who use them?

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