Chivalry finally dead? Miscarrying stood in hospital corridor...

[AliBingo]

While the husbands/partners in the EPAU waiting room sit comfortably, avoiding eye contact with me!

To be fair, they don't know I'm miscarrying and I've also managed to fetch a chair to sit on outside the waiting room now!

I was just a bit surprised that none of the men offered me their seat though.

I’m so sorry. people can be such arses.
I have seen receptionists loudly ask if non patients can please give up seats and usually shames one or two in getting up.

Look after yourself. Hope you’ve got some support in real life. If not, here’s a virtual handhold.

Just to add, I don’t think it’s chivalry even, it’s just being a basic and decent human being.

I’n not surprised, I’m afraid.

Ask reception for a chair, you should have to ask, but people can be insensitive bastards.

Sorry, should’t have to ask that should be!

I agree it's not about chivalry, it's about basic human decency and kindness. I'm sorry none of the men thought to offer you a seat. You shouldn't have to ask them, or ask reception to find a seat for you.

If you feel up to it, you could give feedback/complain about this, and ask the hospital to consider how they can get across that seating is for patients first (signs, reminders from reception staff when arriving etc etc).

for you.

for you

But, also, why don’t you just ask someone for a seat? It doesn’t have to be confrontational. People are thoughtless but generally not unkind

Thanks, yes good idea actually about feeding back to the hospital, luckily I'm only bleeding a bit so far and not feeling faint but this must happen to people who are feeling really fragile as well.

Just made me feel extra shit on top of everything else!

When I was in a ward being induced back in 2014 I was in loads of pain and the staff kept telling me I wasn't in labour (right up until they realised I was and rushed me down to delivery suite with minutes to spare!) And was pacing between the patient toilets and the beds and I remember men kept coming into the toilets as well, even though they were clearly marked "patients only".

Maybe it's just this hospital!

I didn't want to ask for a seat in case I cried 😳

It's not chivalry- it's common sense like offering your seat to a person with crutches. Patient trumps non-patient in hospitals imo

It is a complete lack of human decency.

Op I am so sorry you are not being better cared for, and I am sorry that you are in this awful position If I was there I would give you my chair and a hug.

Don’t think it’s just your hospital sadly. Mine always had this with antenatal clinics, despite signs up saying patients got priority for chairs and a receptionist coming out every so often to tell people off.

So sorry you’ve had this extra shitness to deal with at such a horrible time.

for you OP.
I'm sorry you are miscarrying. My heart goes out to you. I try to offer my seat to anyone who is older, frailer, or in need more than I am.

Hope you are feeling better very soon.

It’s not just the one hospital and I think hospitals really need to deal with this, esp. in antenatal waiting rooms where many parents bring a partner or family members.

patients sorry!

Glad it's not just my hospital. It's not good is it. I'm going to have to give up being seen anyway as I have to go and collect DD from playgroup. I was here for 4 hours two weeks ago 😬

I'm so sorry - and I agree with you that it's really shit for people to sit there and not offer their seats.

I spent more time in EPU than I would have liked to, and my pet hate was people bringing an excessive number of people with them. I was once in the waiting room with a group of eight people - five adults and three small children, none of which actually seemed to belong to the patient. By all means bring your mum, sister or both for support, but it's not a fun family day out!

It's okay to cry sweetheart, it's not a sign of weakness.
Thinking of you right now xxx

I’m sorry you’re growing through this. Most people are preoccupied, oblivious or ignorant. If you can bring yourself to speak up (I understand why you might have found it too hard), it usually has positive results.

I do not get why people take a whole entourage with them to EPU.

Last time I was in EPU there was a man with a baby and a toddler in the waiting room, obviously waiting for a woman who was being seen. I get why you might need to bring young children in an urgent situation, but why would you think it’s a good idea to keep them in the EPU waiting room rather than anywhere else in the hospital and also switch the TV to CBeebies?

how horrible. In the antenatal unit I go to, they have signs up everywhere saying that non-patients must give up seats. I'd feed this issue back to the staff if you feel able.

So sorry you are going through this, though, OP. Big hugs to you.

They were dicks for not offering their seat but you should have spoken up or asked a nurse to speak up for you.

So sorry OP, you poor thing. Sending you a hug 🤗

I’m sorry for your loss.

I do agree that you should be given a seat but I remember how we were sent to sit in the EPAU waiting room whilst waiting for our daughter’s post mortem results and I think everyone sitting there was so worried about their own personal situation, because the men are often also grieving their own loss, that it is somewhere everyone often tends to be completely oblivious to each other’s pain and sits unaware.

Me too, LisaSimpsonsbff - I boggled at how many people brought their entire families to the EPU. I suppose I shouldn’t judge people for how they need support (we’re all different) but surely if you’re e.g a party of 4 adults and 3 kids somebody takes the kids to the cafe for a bit? I apologised profusely in advance for having to bring my 2 year old to a follow up blood test appt, checked it was ok in advance and offered to lurk in a corridor (couldn’t juggle it to avoid however hard I tried) and when I got there it was like a blinking crèche.

I like to think I’d elbow my DH hard and make him stand if he was there with me, but to be fair I was mostly sat there moping and pointlessly googling statistics on my phone so I may have been equally oblivious. Tell the staff - they were all lovely in my experience.