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Original poster

Chivalry finally dead? Miscarrying stood in hospital corridor...

58 replies

AliBingo · 08/10/2018 11:51

While the husbands/partners in the EPAU waiting room sit comfortably, avoiding eye contact with me!

To be fair, they don't know I'm miscarrying and I've also managed to fetch a chair to sit on outside the waiting room now!

I was just a bit surprised that none of the men offered me their seat though.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 08/10/2018 12:47

OP, I am so sorry for your loss.SadFlowers And that men sat on the seats while you lost your baby.

Sadly, I'm not that surprised. There was a thread a while back ago where a poster, claiming to be a feministHmm argued that men should not offer seats to standing women in antenatal waiting rooms. Cos that's feminism.Shock And quite a few other posters agreed with her.ShockShockShock

cdtaylornats · 08/10/2018 13:19

For years I would have offered a seat but half the time I did it I got a feminist lecture - so now I don't - equality has won.

CaMePlaitPas · 08/10/2018 13:20

It really pisses me off seeing men sitting down and women standing up. We do and go through so much, stand the fuck up son. Sorry OP Flowers

DioneTheDiabolist · 08/10/2018 13:23

How many years have you spent in an overcrowded, antenatal waiting room cdtaylornats being lectured on feminism?Hmm

UpstartCrow · 08/10/2018 13:23

cdtaylornats Are you claiming that happened in a miscarriage clinic?

53rdWay · 08/10/2018 13:24

You offered a seat to a woman in EPAU and got a lecture on feminism cdtaylornats? What was the substance of this lecture?

timeisnotaline · 08/10/2018 13:27

cdraylornats I don’t think your experience of offering healthy women on public transport a seat is at all relevant here. I’m a small female who doesn’t offer men seats in trains , but if im waiting with my dh in a prostate cancer treatment centre, id offer a guy a seat. See the difference?

LisaSimpsonsbff · 08/10/2018 13:29

For years I would have offered a seat but half the time I did it I got a feminist lecture

If you found half of women were giving you 'feminist lectures' when you offered them a seat, you were doing something very weird when you did it. Were you saying 'why don't you rest your little lady feet here, sweetcheeks' or something?!

PurpleDaisies · 08/10/2018 13:30

For years I would have offered a seat but half the time I did it I got a feminist lecture

Offering seats to anyone less able to stand is the right thing to do, regardless of whether you or they are male or female.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 08/10/2018 13:31

The woman is likely to be a patient in an antenatal setting, so you are not offering a
Seat to a woman, but to a patient, to help you out there with your feminist stirrings.

GunpowderGelatine · 08/10/2018 13:39

It's absolutely disgusting. Non-patients (so all the men) should be offering their seats to patients. It's male entitlement in all its glory.

Sorry about what you're going through OP Thanks

emwithme · 08/10/2018 13:39

I make my DH stand 90% of the time in antenatal waiting rooms, if it's busy. The 10% will be the day after he's done a night shift - my last appointment he'd finished work at 6.30, got home at 7.30, straight to bed and was with me at the hospital at 11.30 so he was almost dead on his feet. On that occasion, I stood/leaned against the wall when the room filled up.

I also hate the people who treat antenatal/EPAU as a family day out. I get if there's only two adults (patient and partner) you need to bring the kids but if there's more than that then for the love of god, one or more of the adults needs to take the kids Somewhere Else.

GunpowderGelatine · 08/10/2018 13:40

equality has won

How exactly has equality won?

GunpowderGelatine · 08/10/2018 13:41

It's such a MRA statement to say "well I don't bother now because of those pesky feminists". ODFOD

wonkylegs · 08/10/2018 13:42

I do think people can be selfish and self absorbed and waiting rooms bring out the worst in people (I attend an outpatient clinic regularly and it's depressing) however when we attended the EPAU I would say we were both in a state of shock and not thinking clearly. Ours was empty thankfully as they send most people to the main AN clinic.
Each time we went to the EPAU we were both a bit zombiefied with shock, worry and not really paying that much attention to anybody else. It was harder when we were sent to the main clinic and I'm sure I just walked into a few people when I found out we had lost our baby at 21wks - quite honestly neither of us were in a state to drive home and just sat in shock for ages. If a marching band had walked through I'm not sure I would have noticed.

Original poster
AliBingo · 08/10/2018 13:42

TBF the corridor today was preferable to my last visit when a woman had brought her mum and her toddler and decided the one way to pacify the toddler was by playing Peppa Pig episodes very loudly on her phone :|

I appreciate people might be absorbed in their own situation but some of the couples were chatting quite loudly about random shit and after about 40 minutes one guy stood up and came out into the corridor, calling back into the waiting room that the chair was making his back hurt. So maybe not all of them were in a bad situation.

I am probably particularly grumpy as this is my fifth consecutive loss so I have spent a bit too much time at EPAU.

OP posts:
GunpowderGelatine · 08/10/2018 13:44

I also hate the people who treat antenatal/EPAU as a family day out

Me too. In our hospital the EPAU waiting room is also the women's outpatients waiting room, so people are in there for numerous things - for baby scans, because they're having a miscarriage or a consultation about an inability to have a baby, or a gynae appointment.

I have complained before because people don't realise it's not just a waiting room for expectant mums, so they all come in from their scans for the midwife section of he appointment, loudly fawning over their scan pictures (as is their right) without realising there are people in the room whom that may be difficult for.

Luckily women seeking an abortion go to a different part of the hospital now but it annoys me that everyone is bunged in together when there's ample waiting areas that never seem to get used

rainbowruthie · 08/10/2018 13:45

AliBingo Flowers sending you kind thoughts

lilyblue5 · 08/10/2018 13:45

My husband can be a bit thoughtless sometimes but I know for a fact he would have offered his seat to you knowing what the EPAC waiting room is obviously for. (My point being not all men are this dickesh)
I’m sorry none of them have thought to do so! Also, truely hope you are ok, OP can’t imagine what you are feeling right now Sad

ElectricMonkey · 08/10/2018 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GunpowderGelatine · 08/10/2018 13:51

@ElectricMonkey I believe it was the North Never Fucking Happened Acute Trust

Jarveau · 08/10/2018 13:59

AliBingo I'm so sorry you're suffering your fifth loss. That must be very hard, and made even more painful by having to endure the EPAU waiting room yet again.

ElectricMonkey · 08/10/2018 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frogsoup · 08/10/2018 14:02

"equality has won"

That word does not mean what you think it means.

astoundedgoat · 08/10/2018 14:11

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I used to stand around seething when people hog seats inappropriately, but now I walk up to the nearest person and ask them out straight to move, and why, if necessary. They always look so stunned! I think some people depend pretty heavily on British reserve when exercising their CF-ness...