Do our husbands age better than we do?

[LetsHaveAnotherGo]

This is a thread inspired by another thread! About whether you would still fancy your other half if you met them now.

A number of posters on there (mostly women I'm assuming) have said that there husbands have gained a bit of weight over the years/look more haggard etc but that they essentially look worse - why is that? Do most of us women feel that we age more than our husbands?

I know I feel like that and I'm only late 20s, DH is mid-30s. I feel like he looks better the older he gets and I look worse.

Is it because we have more to do with the children, obviously carrying them/giving birth/more responsibility day to day? Do we look after ourselves less than they do? Do they make more time to exercise?

Where am I going wrong?

Men age just as much as women, but unlike women, they’re allowed to look older/fatter/whatever.

They get thicker skin at puberty compared to us and don't have a menopause which takes a lot of collagen out of the body.

Isn't that down to genetics some people age better than others it's nothing to do with sex really.

yes! men do age better. Women don't look as nice with wrinkles (my opinion!) but men look distinguished and maybe it's because I like a man who looks a bit rough around the edges but I find a man with stubble and a few lines and grey hairs absolutely gorgeous.
I look at pics of my DH and he looks so much hotter now! me on the other hand . I can have one bad nights sleep and I look like I've been run over, I get told it too.
it's not fair

No they don't. Having tried to internet date for a few years and dated men in their late forties and early 50s not one of them was 'easy' to fancy but they were all quite entitled and even if they won me over with their personality ultimately they were all aware they could do better (purely looks wise and age wise)
So agree, it is that men are allowed to grow old. ALso, women can be attracted to a person in a holistic way. For men, if they don't feel it in the first split second, nothing you can do will make them feel that way about you.

My dh has definitely grown into himself and aged better than me at 40.
Look at Take That for example they definitely look better in their 40s than they did in their 20s.

We are conditioned not to see aging as a bad thing on men (hence a PP saying wrinkles look okay on them not women).
In most films the main male character can be as old as they like but the live interest is often decades younger.
We never see famous women with signs of aging any more.
So we start to see men as aging "better".

It's just seen as more acceptable. That's it. Women's "good looks" are more aligned to fertility and youth whereas men's are not so much. And ever shall it be so unfortunately.

if the media bombarded us with pictures of older attractive women but if we never saw a man over 30 in the media or in advertising or reading the news we as women would also feel turned off by men over 35 ish. Yes I understand biology but it goes way beyond biology.

I don’t think so. I think it has a lot to do with genetics and then how well you look after yourself as you age. Smoking and a bad diet and lack of exercise will all age you. Too much sun and too much stress is also aging.

I like to think DH and are about equal in attractiveness, he is almost 50 with a full head of hair and the a Silver Fox look going on. We both made an effort to lose weight and get fit in the past couple of years which really paid off. So just because you are at a time of your life when you are finding it very difficult to focus on your well being doesn’t mean it won’t pass.

I disagree that take that look better now. I look at them and they all look a bit plump. They may be more grounded, better company now, wiser, but they looked good / better in their 20s.

My husband is still slim. His skin is still clear. He has less grey hairs than me and he is pretty much the same as when we met 15 years ago except he looks just a couple of years older than he did.

I however have had three children and as a result of that plus years of hormonal birth control, I'm overweight, I have loose bits of skin, I have saggy boobs. I have quite a lot of grey hairs and my skin isn't the best due to where I've had spots.

Men have a totally different experience ageing than women because for the majority of us girls, things happen/are done to our bodies that don't happen to men, whether that's side effects of hormonal contraceptives or pregnancy and childbirth. Those change a woman's body completely, doing irreparable "damage" so to speak.
No wonder men age better.

I think it’s stress. I’m stood in the kitchen and DH walked in about 10 seconds ago, said I looked pensive and asked what I was thinking about. I told him about this thread and he said ‘What a funny thing to worry about! Anyway. Just going to check if I need to make any changes to my fantasy team. Back in a sec’.

Meanwhile I’m here still wondering about why I look more haggard than him. QED

Mine hasn't, so it's depressing how fat, unfit, scruffy and just plain old he's got. I'm no glamour puss but I don't think I've aged like he has.

Women always look better than men, no matter what age they are. I very rarely see an attractive man, there are millions of attractive women.

Generally speaking though, it's very hard to still look good past 40, for both sexes. You have the choice of either letting it all go to pot, or looking like you are trying too hard. Neither is a good look.

Men get better with age imo. Lots of men in the public eye I thought weren't good looking in their twenties who now look very attractive decades later. It's not that they look good for their age, they've actually improved.

When we came to live in the UK I had great pleasure in repeating to OH a comment a lady had made to me....

"he reminds me of one of those film stars - you know, one of the old ones!

'

I think dh has definitely aged better than me. I have got fatter and old looking, dh, although hasn’t really changed weight, has got more toned, doesn’t really look any older apart from a few greys, and his clothing has definitely got trendier over the years, making him look younger.
I think he is more attractive than me now, whereas I think I was the more attractive one when we first met.

With a 10 month old my husband has a tummy which is cute in a "dad bod" sort of way. My jelly tummy just makes me look like a fat apple

Grrr...

All very interesting points! Especially the posters who've mentioned the hormonal changes that only happen to women which I hadn't considered.

I do ponder these things at times when I feel like I should start to make more of an effort for myself again (DD is 5 months and I'm back at work now). I do want to make more time for myself.

I was looking at older photos and I want to be like that again - not necessarily look the same as I've aged 10 years, but to have the self-confidence I used to have would be amazing.

I've aged much better. He is 4 months younger than me but people think he's 10 years older. FWIW, he looks a bit older than 54 but not much and I look in my early to mid 40s (so people say).

Women are supposed to look prepubescent hence the shaving/wrinkle cream/ obsession with youth.

Men are allowed to be wise, experienced and weathered. However if you look at pictures of older women, their lines, wrinkles, old piercing eyes and bodies that you can see their children carved into, ARE so beautiful. We just condition ourselves not to see it.

I have to say, I disagree totally! I have friends on fb that I've known for 20+ years, people who have moved away etc. When I look at photos of them and their husbands, the women all look the same as I remember, yes a bit older but essentially the same. But all the husbands have lost their hair, grown a belly etc. If you lined up all the husbands together I'm not sure I could pick out who's is who's! I think that actually women are hyper critical of themselves and "think" they have aged worse than the men in their lives. But I don't think it's actually true at all.

I agree with the pps saying men are allowed to age and women aren't. We see wrinkles and grey hair on a man and think wise and mature, we see wrinkles and grey hair on a woman and think witch. The only exception is balding. You're as unlikely to see bald older men on TV as older women.

No wonder men age better.

But they don't. Men go bald, grow nasal hairs, develop a beer gut and so on and so forth. Worse, because so many of them have bought into the myth that 'men age better' they see very little need for 'maintanance' as they age, and that makes all the difference once you're past 40.

I'm in my 40s and while I see attractive, well-maintained women my age all the time, much to my regret I see hardly any middle aged men about whom I could say the same. "Distinguished?" I don't think so!