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Original poster

Can't get over how horrible I used to be

34 replies

123Jumbo · 04/10/2018 21:00

Name changed for this.
I'm mid 20s now, settled down with 2 children, decent job etc etc.
BUT I don't have a clear conscience and regret a lot of things I did it my teens, mainly my high school years. I just feel like a terrible person and it basically haunts me.
Some of the things I did in school
-Steal multiple phones
-a few fights (I have a criminal record)
-stealing of family members
-stealing from shops (arrested)
-was quite intimidating and quite bully (ish)

I mean I know how terrible I was, I have totally changed my whole life now and need to move forward but I just have these horrible flash backs and can't move on.
Any advice?

OP posts:
UnsolicitedCockPics · 04/10/2018 21:03

I am 38 and was a right cunt when I was young as well

And even up till my 20s I did bad stuff

I try and be a decent person nowadays though

No real advice but I hear ya 💐

hmmwhatatodo · 04/10/2018 21:03

Why did you do those things? Why were you a bully?

bigchris · 04/10/2018 21:06

Was it your family life Sad

Perhaps counselling would help?

formerbabe · 04/10/2018 21:07

What was going on in your life at the time?

IStandWithPosie · 04/10/2018 21:09

I agree with counselling.

Holding onto the guilt will be holding you back. You need to work through it and there is a process. A good therapist/counsellor will bring your through it.

Original poster
123Jumbo · 04/10/2018 21:11

I never bullied as such but I know I was intimidating, I never mocked people but I knew I had a sort of intimidating presence.

I don't really want to blame it on my home life but parents split when I was younger, and I suppose I didn't get much attention of my mum as she was going through a lot at the time.

Looking back I feel as though I had to put on a persona and be that person but I have no idea why, I never had any solid friendships in school either.

OP posts:
JuliaJaynes9 · 04/10/2018 21:11

Well done for making such a big change in your life 😊

Original poster
123Jumbo · 04/10/2018 21:14

I mean I am proud of myself looking back at how I was, it could have all gone totally tits up for me. I have 2 beautiful children and I want to be an excellent role model to them. BUT I can't let go of these guilt feelings i get. I'm ashamed too, and I feel terrible for stealing of the innocent people in my year too. Sad

OP posts:
Politicalacuityisathing · 04/10/2018 21:15

Can you consider "paying it forward" instead of getting tied up in a past you can't change? It sounds like you have a well developed sense of empathy. This will likely help you guide your own children in how to interact with people. It likely makes you a good friend now. You can't change your past but you can learn from it and make choices about now and the future. None of us are perfect. But every day is a new chance to try again.

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 04/10/2018 21:19

The important thing is you aren't like that now.........you've grown up and broken the cycle I take it ??

Nicelunch25 · 04/10/2018 21:19

The 12 steps could be the way forward. First used for aa but have been applied to lots of different things and involved confessing to someone and making amends (this removes the shame and guilt). I've done the aa ones and am in the codependent ones and they are really helping but not sure what ones you would look for.

counterpoint · 04/10/2018 21:20

These mistakes, especially when you recognise them as such, as you are clearly doing, are lessons from which to learn and improve.
As such, you sound like you are now on the right path.
Have known a few people that supposedly had exemplary early years, but now, in their 49s and later are absolute cheats and self-serving individuals.
Keep getting to know thyself. Smile

6demandingchildren · 04/10/2018 21:21

My husband was a terrible person as a teenager, I won't go into what he did but that was his choice at the time.
But as soon as we met he changed, and he is such a wonderful person and he does so much for others.
It's what you make of your life now xx

Talith · 04/10/2018 21:25

You have reflected on your shite behaviour and can make amends. I think that's tremendously courageous. Look to the future and do not permit yourself to fall short again. What's done is done but you have a life ahead to contribute positively if you choose to do so.

Original poster
123Jumbo · 04/10/2018 21:28

I think because I've never confided in anyone about all this stuff I've always just thought I would be judged, however reading these messages has definitely made me feel a little more positive and hopefully I can move forward.
It's been helpful just writing it all down.

OP posts:
Talith · 04/10/2018 21:33

We are all human and many of us have fucked up. It's not obligatory to end up as a 50 year old cunty old cow Grin

Politicalacuityisathing · 04/10/2018 21:34

123 - you make a good point about how shame magnifies when you hide it. Your past is part of you. Maybe being open and honest about it (with those you love and trust) would help lighten your load? Shame definitely thrives in darkness and solitude.

RomanyRoots · 04/10/2018 21:35

Not sure if this will help but you sound like a terrific mum who will do anything for her kids.
Well, they need you to be the best you can be, and this guilt will hold you back and make you less of a person.
You should be proud of the huge changes you have made and realise all those things were a different person, she's gone, and you are left with the real you.
You have nothing to be guilty for, the old you probably doesn't either if you are able to see why you were doing them.
Be kind to yourself Thanks

HarrySnotter · 04/10/2018 21:46

I was a horrible person. Really horrible.

I married my first husband when I was quite young (20) and he was the most lovely man. I treated him like shit. I cheated on him multiple time, lied about it, stole from my old workplace and was an utter cunt for about 5 years. It kind of haunts me too over 30 years later, but I am nothing like that bitch now. I hate her. I've spent the last 30 years or so trying to be a better person and I think I am. I have a good marriage of 17 years, beautiful kids, I work my arse off in a charity role. My whole mindset has changed. I have NO idea why I was like that, I had lovely parents, childhood etc. I'll be ashamed of the person I was til the day I die.

easternedge · 04/10/2018 21:53

It's so weird how this happens. I see it with some people I used to go to school with. They don't have your self reflection and instead moan online about how their poor kids get bullied. It takes all my restraint not to write something cheeky. It's not their kid's faults. I can't help thinking tbough of the mental and emotional scars their victims carry with them.

Sad situation all round.

BonnieF · 04/10/2018 21:54

Most people make mistakes when they are young. When I was 19, I made a serious one which was a factor in the end of a marriage. I wasn’t the cause, but I was the catalyst. The wife was a good friend who had been very kind to me. No children were involved.

I learned from my mistake, moved on, grew up and became a better person.

EvaHarknessRose · 04/10/2018 22:15

Say a sincere sorry for each thing in your heart. Commit to doing some selfless acts, small kindnesses or volunteering when you are able. And enjoy living your one life, don’t let regret or guilt pull you down.

Original poster
123Jumbo · 04/10/2018 22:39

Some really helpful points, thank you!
Some replies have also made me quite teary. I also appreciate many people have a past and it's good to know you have also changed your lives around for the better. I really hope I can let go

OP posts:
MadMaryBoddington · 04/10/2018 22:42

You would probably be an excellent mentor to young people. Somebody who understands, has been there, and turned their life around. Smile

Sarcelle · 04/10/2018 22:47

You can’t change the past. You can only do better in the future. Concentrate on that. We all make mistakes. We are not static beings, we change. It was a phase, you are through it. Look forwards. Don’t dwell.

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