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Original poster

Does your 13yo have a smartphone?

35 replies

Velella · 03/10/2018 20:01

I've held off getting my 13yo a smartphone (he has a dumb phone that can only do calls and texts) because I think the downsides outweigh the upsides. He has internet access on our family computer in the living room.

However in recent weeks I have come under a lot of pressure from him to let him have one. He says he is the only child in his class without one.

Am I being a Victorian parent? Should I get him one?

OP posts:

Clambering · 03/10/2018 20:17

Hi OP, my DD12 has had a smartphone since Y7. She initially wasn't allowed WhatsApp but now has it because she made a very convincing case that she was missing out on social arrangements without it.

I think your DS has a good case - he will inevitably have one at some point, won't he?

HollySwift · 03/10/2018 20:24

My 10yo has one. It’s a hand me down. He just plays games etc. I like it as we both have iPhones so I can see where he is if he goes out etc.

HurricaneFloss · 03/10/2018 20:26

Yes, my DD has got one. I think you should get him one for Xmas - he'll love you for it 👍

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13 year olds Families

MacosieAsunter · 03/10/2018 20:26

Mine had them from Y7, and that was 12 years ago

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 03/10/2018 20:30

Yes my dd has had one since she was in year 6. Now almost 14 and in year 9.

user1486076969 · 03/10/2018 20:31

Yes, from Yr 9

Fontofnoknowledge · 04/10/2018 05:27

My youngest now 16 , tried to think of any of her friends that didn't have a sp in year 9. I genuinely can't think of one.

Pretty much all had in yr 7.

There are a few kids without phones but sadly they are referred to as either 'weird kids' or looked on with sympathy because they have 'weird parents '

QueenofLouisiana · 04/10/2018 05:38

Yes, so do all his mates that I know. (Sorry, that’s probably not what you wanted to hear).

bastardkitty · 04/10/2018 05:43

Yes, I think you're being a Victorian parent. It's long overdue.

SofiaAmes · 04/10/2018 05:56

Mine had them from age 9 or 10.

wizzler · 04/10/2018 06:01

Yes.. from y7

Littlepond · 04/10/2018 06:04

My year 6 son has a smartphone. My year 9 son has had one since year 6 too.

BeeMyBaby · 04/10/2018 06:18

Yes, my 8 yr old has one (she plays games and has it for emergencies) and I got one when I was 13 (obviously not a smartphone!), 18 years ago so that my mother could keep track of me.

Idontmeanto · 04/10/2018 06:19

Mine had a basic phone from year 5 when they started walking to school without me until the Christmas of year 7.

MongerTruffle · 04/10/2018 06:21

Yes, a hand-me-down iPhone X (I’m probably going to be slaughtered for this here).

MongerTruffle · 04/10/2018 06:24

stated

MongerTruffle · 04/10/2018 06:24

* slated

autumnboys · 04/10/2018 06:32

My teens both got a Nokia non smart phone in Year 6. Once they had looked after that for a year, they got a handed down smart phone with a SIM only contract. Then I’m Year 8, around their birthdays, they both got their first contract phones (that wasn’t particularly planned, both of the handed down phones started to show problems then)

No phones in bedrooms overnight & we established before hand that we would check phones as we felt fit. We don’t ever top up data. It’s been mostly a positive experience.

Sunnyhazyday · 04/10/2018 06:47

FWIW I think you are right. But you are definately in the minority. My kids are older teens. We've come through the teen smartphone phase pretty unscathed compared to lots BUT if I had my time again I would hold off letting them have smartphones for as long as absolute possible and I would be vvvvvvv much stricter from the outset.
Teens have secrets from parents. Its standard and normal. No matter how wonderful your relationship may be they wont tell you everything and really ...should they?? Probably not as this is where they learn to be independent BUT the secrets some keep are ones that put them at risk and mean you can't protect them as a parent.
Aside the big horror aspects of being groomed etc there are a whole host of other issues such sexting - which can mean sharing or being in possession of unlawful pictures of a minor and the nightmare road that can lead down but also bullying. Just by likung or adding a witty comment to a group chat can frame your child as being a bully even if they "laughed" or commented just the once. Someone has the potential to screenshot every move your teen makes on the net. Teens arent known for always making the right choices. Then there is the issue if your child is the one on the receiving end of "banter" or bullying. They eint always tell you. Once they have a phone the bullying does not stop at the school gates.

Smartphones are harder to monitor and keep tabs on as I'm sure you know hence holding back.

At 11 most seemn to have smartphones by 13 I think it's v rare to not have one.

You could start looking at various apps there are now available (apparently). Not 100% sure what they do but help with monitoring useage/sites visited etc.
Condition only have a phone on basis you have access to at any time. Make child aware you will look and check at any time and no history to be deleted.
No apps downloaded and accessed without permission and then access to any apps used.
Phone handed in at night.

There will be those in horror at what I suggest claiming it to be breach of child's privacy etc.

I wish i had been wiser a few years back.

If I had my time again thinks how I would be.

You do have to let go and start trusting as they get older and only you will know when thanks. But start of strict and tight usage and you can relent. It's hard to regain control. Smartphones are like drugs to teens. They become surgically attached to them.
One thing i did do was have a cheap giffgaff SIM plan. I think it was the 7 quid a month one. It had low data - meaning that when They were away from Wi-Fi they had to learn to limit internet use. I just hate the thought of them having unlimited access to the internet 24 7 where ever they are. I thinknits good for it normal be constant option. Itmlimits the amount of shit you tube crap they can watch whilst down the park and god forbid they might use their voices to talk to each other.

LilithTheKitty · 04/10/2018 06:48

Yes. Both of my older boys had smartphones from the summer before year 7. I didn't want them to stand out after years of being bullied myself so I aimed for phones that were good enough not to get laughed at but not so good as to be a target for theft. I think you're being a bit mean.

MrsPnut · 04/10/2018 06:51

Dd has had a smart phone since year 6. Like a PP, it has to be downstairs charging at night and we can access it when we like. She plays games on it mostly.

Fairylea · 04/10/2018 06:51

He will probably be the only one who doesn’t have one, yes. Most secondary school children have an iPhone or a Samsung smartphone. You can pick up secondhand ones (models 5 and 6) fairly cheaply from CEX and other trade in places so they’re not as expensive as they once were so most children do have them - or they have their parents old ones after an upgrade.

My dd would be very left out socially without hers. She is 15 and has had one since she was about 12. They all use snapchat and apps to message each other and play games etc. Until very recently though she did know I would randomly check her phone to make sure she wasn’t doing anything dodgy. Now she is year 11 I do give her more privacy.

Dychmygol · 04/10/2018 07:00

My 11 year old has one. She had a brick last year for walking back and forth school that could text or call. But for secondary she has a 2nd hand smartphone (it's an old one of mine so pretty decent spec).

I was the kid who didn't have the same as everyone else growing up so know that even if you're not materialistic, being completely different to your peers is never pleasant.

I've locked down the phone, it's tied to my contract so data volumes are controlled by me and all apps downloads have to be approved by me.

That along with my random checking through the phone has given us all a compromise we can live with.

littlebillie · 04/10/2018 07:01

Yes

littlebillie · 04/10/2018 07:02

However don't get into am a a Victorian parent we all parent differently

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