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Is it ever ok to not go to a parent's funeral?

54 replies

Monr0e · 03/10/2018 13:17

Not brave enough or emotionally stable enough for AIBU today but I'm worried I am being. My DF passed away yesterday after a short illness. We are in different countries. I was able to go there and spent the weekend with him in hospital and came home Monday morning. He lost consciousness soon after.

The back story is he left my DM when I was 18 months old and I never met him till I was 10. We have built a loving relationship over the years and he has been a fantastic grandad to my dc's who love him very much despite only seeing him a couple of times a year.

He has another family in his own country, 3 step children, 8 grandchildren and 6 siblings plus numerous nieces and nephews. I have met only a few of these over the years and our relationship was very much separate from his other family.

His funeral is on Friday. And I just don't want to go. I don't want to fly there on my own, I don't want to leave my dc's who don't know yet but will be heartbroken. I don't want to attend a funeral I will have had no part in arranging and where I will know a handful of people. I don't want to feel like an imposter at my own dad's funeral. I want to stay home with my own family and friends who love and support me and not be with what essentially are a group of strangers to me.

But he's my dad. I'm his only biological child. And I worry that it would be awful for me not to be there. And I'm so upset I can't think straight

OP posts:
MacosieAsunter · 03/10/2018 19:13

I’d go personally as a mark of respect but I’m Irish and funeral attendance is taken more seriously there than in England. If you do go it will be appreciated by the wider family and I don’t think you’d ever regret it.

I'm old school. Funerals are important. Your step family will be of great comfort to you and able to fill in many gaps.

But of course ultimately the choice is yours. You don't need validation from a bunch of internet strangers.

StandardPoodle · 03/10/2018 19:15

Unless you want to go for yourself, don't go.
I heard of someone who was unable to attend a funeral - not sure if it was due to distance or frailty - and they went into a church near to them and sat quietly remembering the person in question during the time the funeral wold have been held.

YetAnotherThing · 03/10/2018 19:20

One if the things I do like about funerals is hearing a eulogy and learning new things about someone from a different perspective. Talking to Relatives, hearing about people’s childhoods, work stories, what made them tick, funny stories etc makes you realise sometimes that you didn’t know other aspects of their life at all. I think it brings all these facets of someone’s life together and gives a closure to all. You might find it therapeutic. I’d say go.

Theorbo · 03/10/2018 19:25

So sorry for your loss MonrOe 💐. Would you like to keep in touch with your step family in the future do you think ? If you do, then it might be a good idea to go to your DFs funeral. If that’s not something you feel you want or need, then holding your own remembrance for him here with your family is absolutely ok. It’s important to do what feels right and most comforting for you. As people have said, a funeral is for the living. If you don’t go, it doesn’t diminish or disrespect the relationship you have built with your DF in any way.

I hope whatever you decide, helps you to remember your DF in a way that has meaning and brings you comfort.

greendale17 · 03/10/2018 19:27

You should go

Would be quite disrespectful in my family if immediate family didn’t turn up for the funeral

Clawdy · 03/10/2018 19:28

I would say go. It is very unlikely you would ever regret going - it's far more likely you will regret not being there.

Greycat11 · 03/10/2018 19:35

Do what's is best for you. You can mark the day in your own way how you see fit. I can understand how going might make you feel awkward. Sorry for your loss

happinessiseggshaped · 03/10/2018 20:16

In the situation you are describing, I wouldn't go. I will have to face something very similar one day with my father, and have decided I will do what feels right at the time regardless of what other people think. I went to a family funeral a few years ago as it was 'the right thing to do' and it was awful, in their grief people often aren't that considerate of the feelings of others. I agree funerals are for the living. If you don't want to go, then don't.

Monr0e · 03/10/2018 20:38

Thanks again for everyone's opinions

DF is Irish and I'm sure it will be a very big affair. And while I don't won't to appear disrespectful most of the people who would have that opinion of me have never met me and never will.

And no, after the funeral there will be no further relationship with his step children. They all appear very nice but we have just never had a relationship outside of them popping in to say hello when I have been over visiting my dad.

I actually think I would find it extremely difficult and just hammer home how much I was never part of his everyday life.

That being said I haven't actually made up my mind not to go. I've been looking for flights and into car hire for the day to see if I can actually manage it

OP posts:
MorningsEleven · 03/10/2018 20:42

I didn't go to my Dad's funeral. Im NC with my mother and she would have caused a scene so I stayed away. I wrote to him just before he died (he got it the day before) and told him that I loved him. I think it's better to say goodbye to the living than the dead.

BitchQueen90 · 03/10/2018 20:52

Do what's right for you.

I'm NC with my father and won't be going to his funeral if the time comes. I don't love him. There would be no reason for me to go.

junebirthdaygirl · 03/10/2018 20:55

Im in lreland and funerals are major. But my friend travelled from abroad to nurse her sick mum. She stayed a few weeks and literally did everything. She adored her mum. When she rallied she returned home. Unfortuately her mum passed away soon after. She did not return for the funeral and nobody blinked an eye.
You have done what you needed to do. Rest at home surrounded by your own family. It is totally fine.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 03/10/2018 21:02

I’m Irish too and as pp have said funerals are major here. I would say go purely so you don’t regret it later but I don’t think anyone would think badly of you if you decide not to,you saw him when it mattered. I think you should go though

AnoukSpirit · 03/10/2018 21:03

Funerals can be therapeutic, but they can also be traumatic. Not just because of traumatic deaths, but because of circumstances like you describe where rather than offering a time to heal and grieve with others it would actually be cementing loss and adding to it for the reasons you outlined.

My general approach with tough decisions is to picture myself further ahead in time after I've made the decision. Picturing all the pieces and then seeing what my emotions and reactions are to that. Sometimes big decisions can swamp you, and imagining the immediate aftermath and a few years ahead can help you to see clearly again which path is right for you.

Your reasons for not going are sound, and although when I started reading your op my initial feeling was "oh no, I'm worried you'll regret not going" by the time I'd read through to the end I did not think that anymore. I think your judgement is good.

My view may be swayed here, because the only funerals I've attended have been traumatic (parents). My personal view is that "it's disrespectful" is not a good reason to put yourself through something damaging when funerals are about comforting the people left behind - I.e. you.

I've chosen not to attend other funerals, or been unable to attend them. Some of close family, some of people I admired and respected and was deeply saddened to lose.

The most recent of those I worried others would think I was being disrespectful, but people were understanding. I've never regretted not going. I still grieved for and remembered that person. I paid my respects. On reflection, I didn't believe they would have wanted me to attend their funeral if it was going to cause me harm instead of comfort. I wanted to remember their last presence in my life in a positive way, not the bleak funeral scene. I really struggled after the funerals I did attend with feeling it had tainted my memories of them in life.

The last visit with your dad sounds hugely important and special to you. Do you think that is a final memory that would be comforting to you as you go through life? Or would you rather have your last memory be his funeral? Or do you think you'd be able to remember them separately?

My gut feeling is you won't regret not attending the funeral for the reasons you have, and in the circumstances described, especially given your final visit. But if you're not sure, could you leave yourself the option by travelling there and listening to your instincts once the time approaches? Maybe even being nearby as it's happening, without attending, could be a comfort. It really depends on you.

I'm wondering if some of your "what if I regret it" worries are coming from being so far away and knowing you won't be able to change your mind on the day (and therefore making you feel powerless) rather than because you will regret it.

Having a memorial with your family sounds like a beautiful idea. If you did go to the funeral and found it exacerbated some of the loss, holding a family memorial afterwards might ease that again and help you all to carry both his loss and his memory as time goes on.

I hope you find a way forward you can have peace with and I'm really sorry for your loss. Flowers

Monr0e · 04/10/2018 07:48

AnoukSpirit, thank you for your lovely message. Yes, my last visit meant everything and I feel I said my goodbyes.

I'm still trying to figure a way to go. There's an early morning flight but no return that day so would need to hire a car and travel to another airport for a return flight.

I've been told mass at 9am then cremation at 11am. For those that know, would these be at the same place or a different setting? Do families travel together to the church? Thank you again
I am not good at speaking to others when I'm upset, I'm often told I bottle things up, so this has been extremely helpful to me.

OP posts:
ARoomSomewhere · 04/10/2018 08:00

I actually think I would find it extremely difficult and just hammer home how much I was never part of his everyday life

If you would find that hard (I would too) then spare yourself.

You and he had a private and uniquely special bond.
You said your Goodbyes to each other when it mattered.

The rest is far less important. So, go or not, try not to stress about it and remember him that day whereever you are. Perhaps honouring at home with your kids who will miss him too would be more useful?

HoosierDaddy · 04/10/2018 08:14

Sorry to hear about your dad.

I am Irish too, but I wouldn't think badly of anyone not going to a funeral in your circumstances. It is much more important to do what is best for you and your own way of remembering and reflecting is as valid as going to the mass.

Is the funeral in Ireland? I know you said your dad is Irish, but unsure of where he lives. If it is here, there are only a couple of crematoriums in the country and they can be v far from where the funeral service is held. 9am is early for a mass, it would make me think they have a long drive to the crematorium

YeTalkShiteHen · 04/10/2018 08:19

I’m sorry about your Dad OP.

I agree with many pps who have said if you don’t want to go and it would add stress at an already stressful time, then that’s fine.

Honestly? If I could have not gone to my Mum's I would have, I had to be medicated to get through the day and it was all about what everyone else wanted and felt and it just made it harder.

You had those wonderfully precious moments with your Dad before he died. He knows you were there and he knows you love him. What else really matters?

You do. So whatever you need to do, to get through the next few weeks, do that. Never mind tradition or whatever anyone thinks, you and your DCs come first.

Sheldonoscopy · 04/10/2018 09:30

My sisters funeral was ridiculously traumatic for me in that certain huge parts of her life were left out, it was like they (and people involved in the events) never existed. Including me.
I don’t regret going but I always knew I’d go.

I think what I’m trying to say is you need to do what is best for you. Your feelings and emotions have to be your highest priority. Your df would want you to keep you happy. He wouldn’t want all this angst. His body will be there but the him you knew won’t be.

I went to my sisters funeral for me. Not for her, because I needed closure and to see that this wasn’t all a bad dream. It was sudden and unexpected. Your df was poorly so you got to say goodbye when it really mattered. Ultimately that’s what really matters

GreenMeerkat · 04/10/2018 09:38

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Funerals are very emotional and difficult, and I personally do understand why you wouldn't want to go, as long as you've thought it through and know you are not going to regret it in the future then I don't think you have any obligation to attend. I don't think anyone 'has' to attend a funeral, I think most people choose to attend because they want to pay respects and say goodbye but it's completely personal.

Monr0e · 04/10/2018 09:45

Thank you again everyone

Yes, the funeral is in Ireland

Everyone's comments are really helping me to sort through my thoughts and feelings

OP posts:
regularbutpanickingabit · 04/10/2018 09:59

I agree with most people on here - you have to make peace eith whatever decision you make. There isn’t a black or white right or wrong here. The most important thing is that you got to say your goodbyes.

Is there anyone you could take with you if you did decide to go? Even if they were there more as the chauffeur than a person who knew your Dad. It sounds like half the worry (rightly) is feeling alone.

HoosierDaddy · 04/10/2018 10:00

OP I would Google the distances between the airport to hometown to crematorium and see how feasible all the driving is for you (ignoring the fact that it will be a difficult day, the journey itself might be too much for you). If you don't know the exact locations, we can possibly help, if you PM us the town name. Take care x

Monr0e · 04/10/2018 10:13

Thank you

The church is around 20 minutes from the airport, the crem is then a further 45 minute drive from the church then onto his local pub, another 30 minute drive, where they are having food and drink. Then back to the airport

I would be on my own x

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 04/10/2018 10:17

Whatever you do decide, do it for you, not for anyone else. That’s the most important thing tbh.

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