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Original poster

Asked to attend school for meeting on attendance. Help. Terrified

41 replies

schoolhelpmeplease · 02/10/2018 10:59

Have been asked to attend a meeting at the school regarding DCs attendance.

DC1 has long standing health issues for several years. He is now under a consultants care since July, who doesnt feel that his attendance (80%ish) is that bad given his health issues.

DC2 was very badly bullied at primary and as a result was home schooled for the last few years. He went back into high shcool and has struggled a bit adjusting. The school were aware and last year did really try and help him with his issues - however his attendance was knocking around 85%.

I had a surprise visit from the school last year to check the kids were here one day when they were off and they talked about involving the EWO and getting me extra support to get them to school. I said I didnt think I needed any extra support, although I have health issues they dont affect me getting the kids to school - they are off when they are ill and I have plenty of family support anyway.

This school year has been a complete disaster. My father is seriously unwell and been hospitalised.

DC1 has had 5 days off already (I know I know) 1 was when dad was hospitalised and they were too upset to go to school, 2 migraines and 1 D & V bug (with this one he has 1 day off, went into school the next day, but then became really unwell the day after)

DC2 has had 3 days. 1 when dad was hospitalised, 1 D & V bug (same day as DC1s second day off with it) and 1 day when he had a high fever.

I am terrified that they are going to involve my ex because of this. He was abusive and I have no contact with him (and him none with the kids). What are they going to ask me? What can I say? I know its not a good attendance rating but if the kids are sick what can I do?

Any ideas at all would be greatfully appreciated.

OP posts:
Faithless12 · 02/10/2018 11:08

You need to get them into school. With such low attendance they need to attend everyday they can. Accept help, it’s not just about getting them in but deciding when they should be off.

How old are they?

Neshoma · 02/10/2018 11:08

How old are they?

They should have gone to school when your dad was hospitalised. Perhaps they didn't need to know (until after school).

You need to make every effort to get them to school for their sake, otherwise they are always catching up.

IceRebel · 02/10/2018 11:14

5 days off already is a lot. Our schools went back on the 5th September so the children have only had 20 days at school.

5 days off is 1/4 of the actual time they have been at school so far.

I know illnesses etc can't always be helped, but from your post it seems like there is a history of not attending school for other reasons as well. The school are probably desperate to try and help your children attend more often, and will want to find out if there is any way to help achieve this.

Original poster
schoolhelpmeplease · 02/10/2018 11:16

They are 15 and 13. My dad lives with us so they were they had to come with me when I took him to the hospital in the middle of the night. I couldn't get hold of anyone so they were at the hospital until early hours of the morning until it was decided to admit him.

I do make them go in when I can but if they have a D & V bug I can't surely? I have asked the school for clarification on this before and they have always said if they sick more than once they can't come in. With the migraines DC1 is incapacitated. He's honestly darkened room sobbing eyes out with the pain type migraines. He's had 9 since last July when we started logging for the consultant. I don't see how he can go in like that either? I'm more than happy for someone come up and assess them everytime they sick if that's the route the school want to go. Tbh it would be a weight off to stop me agonising about it when they clearly unwell but I'm pressuring them to go in :(

OP posts:
Blackladybug · 02/10/2018 11:20

How old are they? They probably want to talk about your choices of what you're keeping them off of school for and when its acceptable to keep them off school. I'm quite surprised they had a day off school when your Dad was hospitalised given they have a pretty low attendance. I don't think that's a good enough reason to keep them off school.

D&V I keep off school but most other things I send them to school, I've had to pick them up at lunch once which I didn't mind at all, they'd done as much of school as they could and missed 2 hours instead of a whole day.

You really need to be seen as trying to make every effort to get them to school as much as possible.

Doobydoobeedoo · 02/10/2018 11:22

From the school's perspective, they have a family with low attendance and a parent who has turned down their previous offer of support.

You need to go to the meeting and make it clear that you are willing to take them up on the offer and will work with them to improve your DC's attendance.

Ask them what kind of support they could offer. It may well be that they have worked with other families in the past and so have a range of strategies.

They're not trying to upset you or punish you. Their only aim is to help you and your DC.

Good luck. Flowers

Nesssie · 02/10/2018 11:23

I think the meeting will just be to clarify the points you've made. If you can explain the absences like you have done above then I don't think they will worry too much.
In regards to your dad being hospitalised they may want to know if you have a plan in case it happens again?

I wouldn't get too worried, its standard procedure to offer help when absences fall below a certain level. And I can't think of any reason they would involve your ex at this stage.

Diamond1703 · 02/10/2018 11:26

Don't worry too much, they just need to improve their attendance and I doubt very much they'll contact your ex.

Crunchymum · 02/10/2018 11:26

As long as you can account for the absences and are willing (or at least amenable) to any suggestions of help and support then it should be fine.

Try not to worry and don't see the school as an enemy. Best of luck!

MadeForThis · 02/10/2018 11:28

Accept any support that the school offer.

You're correct that the dc can't be at a holl with severe migraines or d and v.

They won't suggest anything different but at least you'll be seen to be pro-active.

MadeForThis · 02/10/2018 11:28

A holl????

School.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 02/10/2018 11:31

It sounds like you've had a tough time recently, maybe this can be the start of some extra support for you. .
You said you have a lot of family support - but when your dad was ill there was noone (even though your eldest is already 15 so presumably doesn't need a lot of care). You also said once that they were too upset, but then later that it was because they'd been up until early hours.

If your son is struggling already, then missing 4 days already is a lot. Are the migraines linked to his health condition, or also to do with him struggling at school? Most schools will want to help here, it's not in his interest, the school's or yours to have him missing so much. Good luck

SpoonBlender · 02/10/2018 11:34

They're not coming to shout at you. They're coming to help, if they can.

Tell them what's been going on with your father and having to take them with you to hospital, just as you have here. Show them the migraine log. Explain about the D&V - they'll know there was a shower of it that week at school.

That should defuse any consideration that you or the kids have been malingering, and allow them to try and put in place help for the kids when your father needs help next time.

Wolfiefan · 02/10/2018 11:35

Tell the school what you say here. Explain the reason for absence.
If both are off you can see it looks suspicious.
15 is GCSE age. Attendance is vital. GCSE Is now totally exam. If they miss lessons they will miss parts of topics and their grades will be affected.
The school is also under pressure to ensure attendance.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 02/10/2018 11:36

Thing is, the months are literally ticking by until GCSEs and you can really affect their grades if you don’t get this sorted.

I do understand, my ds2 had atrocious luck last year with emergency surgery, hand foot and mouth, severe chest infection etc as well as an ongoing health condition and his attendance still stayed above 95% by the end of the year. Your boys must be having time off nearly every week to get that low.

mummyhaschangedhername · 02/10/2018 11:39

It's the fact it's two children with multiple different absences. If you were saying about the one son for migraines then I am sure they would accept that but two children and multiple different absences seems more suspicious. Also, while I totally understand why the children didn't go to school because if their grandfather, they are going to find it odd that a 16 year old couldn't stay at home.

I do get it, my kids attendance was about 93% I think last year, they had chicken pox, the proper flu, and a sickness bug, kids get sick, it happens, but I equally understand the schools concerns. This is a big year for your eldest and such poor attendance can have a dramatic impact on his education.

Kaykay06 · 02/10/2018 11:41

That’s hard going, if you engage with school they will help you as much as it seems they are against you they may just provide support for you and your boys.

My eldest is a school refuser, he is a total nightmare and currently wants to leave to get an apprenticeship I hope he does and he’s happier doing something he enjoys as he hates school with a passion. I’m trying to get him to go each day in the meantime which he does very reluctantly and is late etc it’s bloofy frustrating but school know I do everything to send him in. I also have 3 other sons, who all attend and are on time every day unless too unwell (youngest already had a week off due to asthma attack - sent home from school then went back for one day and was sent home with diarrhoea) joy.

I hope your dad is on the mend soon and your sons health improves, def think some kids are just not cut out for school but our school is great and understand and I wish my son had decided before now to do his apprenticeship. I’m encouraging my younger sons to go etc and be on time and why it’s important,I’m a single parent so I have no back up and my son doesn’t speak to his dad. So I feel out on a limb at home sometimes.

Pieceofpurplesky · 02/10/2018 11:46

Work with the school - they are there to help get you children in to school

bobstersmum · 02/10/2018 11:50

When my ds was at nursery age 3 I used to let him stay off if he so much as coughed. He is now in year 1 at school and I have toughened up! Basically, they should go to school unless they have d&v, chickenpox or something else like that. Colds, headaches, etc, they need to go. Even a slight fever can be treated with nurofen which will keep them going for the whole school day. My ds had 95% attendance first school year because he has tonsil trouble he's under consultant, I feel he had a lot of time off, so 85% is excessive.

dueanotherchange · 02/10/2018 11:50

You need to work with the school. There is no reason for them to contact your ex if you explain the current situation.

Although, very gently, I don't understand why a 15 year old and a 13 year old had to go to hospital with you when your Dad went in. If your 15 year old didn't have a migraine that morning, they should have stayed at home and then gone to school together.

paap1975 · 02/10/2018 11:58

The school has no choice but to address the problem. If you are beyond reproach, then there won't be any negative consequences for you. The D & V and migraines cannot be disputed. Be clear and firmabout why you kept them off but be open to suggestions from the school. Ask them for suggestions about what you should do.

Original poster
schoolhelpmeplease · 02/10/2018 11:59

We live rurally with no neighbours for a mile so I admit leaving them home alone never even crossed my mind although it's certainly something I could do in the future. Or at least leave eldest and only take the younger ones. I will hold my hands up and say I made the wrong call on that day but we were all knackered and in bits as we genuinely thought dad was going to die. The other days I will have to ask the school for clarification about given in the past they have been arsey when I send them in but they then vomit at school :) tbh having the school clarify stuff to me in writing will probably be hugely beneficial as I feel like they keep shifting where the line is.

OP posts:
BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 02/10/2018 12:00

You need to work with the school and accept their help. Especially for the 15 year old, for the reasons already stated.

The school are also, rightly or wrongly, going to start suspecting ds1's health issues if they see that ds2 is off at the same time.

Neither of them need to be taken to school at that age, unless there are other issues.

Work also with the kids themselves and impress upon them how important school is, both for their futures and for their social life.

Wolfiefan · 02/10/2018 12:04

I’m not actually sure you did the wrong thing when your dad was admitted to hospital. Exhausted and stressed children may really struggle with school.
Chat to the school. Could they give them a kind of pass to leave a lesson that day and go to a safe space if they’re not coping? Allow a member of staff time to check in on them? The school should aim to work with you.

Theorbo · 02/10/2018 12:04

I’ve not had a migraine thank goodness but from what people who have them describe, you couldn’t be expected to attend school with one. D&V also is not do-able either for your DC or for the sakes of those around them.

Regular colds, coughs, feeling a bit grotty then they should attend.

Definitely talk to school and make sure that whenever humanly possible, your DC will attend (this is a very important time for them educationally as you know).