Asked to attend school for meeting on attendance. Help. Terrified

[schoolhelpmeplease]

Have been asked to attend a meeting at the school regarding DCs attendance.

DC1 has long standing health issues for several years. He is now under a consultants care since July, who doesnt feel that his attendance (80%ish) is that bad given his health issues.

DC2 was very badly bullied at primary and as a result was home schooled for the last few years. He went back into high shcool and has struggled a bit adjusting. The school were aware and last year did really try and help him with his issues - however his attendance was knocking around 85%.

I had a surprise visit from the school last year to check the kids were here one day when they were off and they talked about involving the EWO and getting me extra support to get them to school. I said I didnt think I needed any extra support, although I have health issues they dont affect me getting the kids to school - they are off when they are ill and I have plenty of family support anyway.

This school year has been a complete disaster. My father is seriously unwell and been hospitalised.

DC1 has had 5 days off already (I know I know) 1 was when dad was hospitalised and they were too upset to go to school, 2 migraines and 1 D & V bug (with this one he has 1 day off, went into school the next day, but then became really unwell the day after)

DC2 has had 3 days. 1 when dad was hospitalised, 1 D & V bug (same day as DC1s second day off with it) and 1 day when he had a high fever.

I am terrified that they are going to involve my ex because of this. He was abusive and I have no contact with him (and him none with the kids). What are they going to ask me? What can I say? I know its not a good attendance rating but if the kids are sick what can I do?

Any ideas at all would be greatfully appreciated.

Yep bit of a headache? Take a paracetamol and drink enough water. Go to school.
An actual migraine? Not a hope in hell you could go in.
Some people don’t distinguish between the two though.

To me, those all sound like genuine reasons for absence, especially with the further explanations you have given.

However, it is a lot of absence, especially when coupled with your DC's historical absence problems. I would imagine that it is this historical absence that has prompted the intervention.

In your position I would be inclined to go along with it, listen to what they have to offer, thank them and keep it in the back of your mind in case it's ever needed in future.

I hope your Dad is recovered now, that must have been an awful shock

I used to think that parents should be capable of deciding if children are fit for school however I bumped into a parent I know from school with her dd ( year7) she said she can a cold . She didn’t even appear I’ll. so I do understand why these things are checked out . Maybe your kids could of gone into school late rather than not at all. I imagine your head was all over the place after dad admitted thoug

bobstermum
Migraines and headaches are very different.

As for going into school after the night at the hospital. I think considering the time off in general taken for health issues they should have gone in the next day, perhaps a bit late.

As for sending them in with d&v, are they not supposed to be symptom free for 48 hours before returning to prevent the spread?

Don’t forget their attendance figures will be much lower as they’ve only been in this school year a few weeks. If they attend 100% from now until Christmas then the figures will change.

Look at it from the school’s perspective. Attendance is taken into account with school grading. They need to take action and support those with low attendance. It’s a meeting, a chance for a conversation. It’s not an interview or an interrogation. Go to the meeting well prepared. Write down any questions. You might want to take a list of the dates they were absent with the reasons.

It’s a good thing that they want to talk and help and that they won’t let your kids slip through the net. The EWO is there to help not accuse.

There shouldn’t be any reason to involve your ex. Just cooperate with the school and be clear about the situation with your ex so that they can have a totally clear picture with no misunderstandings and also to give them more information regarding your children’s welfare and safeguarding.

Don’t worry, go into that meeting, shake their hands and say “thank you for inviting me here to discuss this”. Good luck.

I think many people assume that if the school want to talk about attendance it's to have a go. Generally it isn't; it is often to work out a plan of action for the future, to see if the school, can offer additional support to enable attendance (eg if you were ill and unable to drive them to school).
Please don't be worried, they are probably just going to offer support.

From the schools point of view, 5 days in a month is far too much. Accept all the help they will give you.

It comes down to the fact that each day your ds doesn’t attend school, his GCSE chances will be damaged and any future path gets harder.

Have you taken ds to the GP and got something for migraines? Had his eyes tested?

You need to start with an assumption school & homework come before anything unless a ds is seriously unwell

I wouldn't be too concerned, I would have thought its just standard procedure

I would explain these current 5 days absences, they all seem good enough reasons. I wouldnt want other parents sending in their child who has spent the night vomiting as it will then spread throughout the school

Then maybe start keeping a record of what the issue is each time they are off, or try calling the school in the morning to explain they have been sick until 2am, or have mirgraine so they know straight away

Please don't worry. I've been to these meetings and found them to be supportive and my ex has never been included. The last one I had they fully acknowledged my child's problems, there was no judging. They helped me put strategies into place which actually have improved my child's attendance.

I suffer from migraines, you can't go to school if you have a migraine! So I completely empathise with that. Your consultant will be able to help get on top of them though so hopefully they won't happen as frequently. I get really bad ones once or twice a month.

@Starlight345 I’ve done that. Although DS had been up all night with a stomach ache. Awful in the morning and still had a crampy stomach, reasonably high temperature. Then we popped to the shops (no food for lunch as we were both supposed to be at school/work) and he bloody skipped the whole way there. He went in the next day funnily enough. That was the only day he had off that year, so it’s not like I happily keep him off school.

School are not able to differentiate between genuine medical absence and truanting when it comes to attendance figures. At DC secondary school anything under 90% is deemed persistent absenteeism and will trigger intervention.

Your kids at 80/83% are way under that figure.

Yo need to work with the school to get th em in as much as possible. A good school will want to work with you. See this meeting as a way to work constructively together, so an opportunity, not a threat.

The school is doing the right thing by intervening early. If you're as committed to getting them to school as you say you are, then by Christmas it will be clear that this has just been an unlucky month.

Accept help. Get them in. Your eldest will soon be in employment and 3 separate absences in 4 weeks would not go down well at all.

I've been to these meetings in a professional capacity.

Please stop worrying. They're not going to tell you off. Their concern is that there are 2 children from the same family with historically poor attendance that appears to be continuing for both, despite only one of the children having health concerns.

Accept their help. I appreciate you say you have good family support but I do worry that that isn't the case considering you woke up 2 teenagers to come with you when your dad was ill. They could have stayed home and gone to school in the morning. Either home alone, or with some of the support you have... A friend or family member? It would have been better for their emotional state to have done that.

I'm sure the school will agree that the DC should be kept off for migraines and D&V. They may have different opinions on keeping DC2 off for just a fever though. And given their level of absenteeism, the school may be sceptical about DC1's migraines (eg, versus it being a headache, or even wondering if DC is using a real illness to be selective about when s/he goes in).

The OP said she thought her dad was dying. I think if my child's grandfather was going to die I'd take him with me to the hospital to say goodbye.

Your eldest will soon be in employment and 3 separate absences in 4 weeks would not go down well at all.

That's another point to consider. This isn't too far in the future, and even if it's for genuine reasons having so much time off wouldn't look good.