How do you feel if someone dislikes you?

[Hamsterwheelz]

Some years ago, I unintentionally hurt a friend. Basically, I put my foot in it - I questioned an idea she had for a project we were working on. It was entirely my fault and I apologised profusely.

She ran a group activity that I was part of, but threw me out of the group and blocked me on FB.

Since then, this woman has not spoken to me. It is awkward, as she lives near me.

Recently, I thought she might want to be friends again because she asked me to work on a project with her. She was friendly enough, but gave me the cold shoulder after the project finished.

I contacted her tonight to ask if she would allow me to rejoin the group and she point blank refused.

I know that there is nothing I can do and that she is not being fair (being nice when she needs something and then being unfriendly) but I am so bothered by the fact she dislikes me!

I wish I could stop being a people pleasing (displeasing, in this case) wuss!

It will not be because of questioning one thing only. If it is she is weird, so not worth it. If it is because of several things ( more likely) , your lack of perception mean it won't work either.

Your mistake was not to question this woman, but to 'apologise profusely ' for having done so. She sounds petty, childish and unpleasant. Why would you care a straw for her good opinion?

Good question Hamster. I used to massively care about someone disliking me. However, I have learnt over the years that it doesn’t actually matter. I am now more interested in wether or not I like them. If someone doesn’t like me then I generally don’t like them so I avoid them as much as possible.
This woman sounds odd. I would leave her to it.

I don’t care if someone doesn’t like me. All it tells me is that they have poor taste, and often some kind of issue of their own (as in, something about me/whoever touches something they’re uncomfortable about within themselves, so they make me/whoever the bad guy instead of addressing their own problem).

I know a lot more people like you than like myself though OP, so you’re not alone! I don’t know how to help either, I was just born this way... Even as a child I got bullied and felt the same as above 😕 Proper weirdo

It depends on the person, if it was somebody I valued or that I felt I was at fault I would be upset. Otherwise meh. There’s a woman in work who hasn’t spoken to me for years over some petty thing. I actually quite like working with her now because it’s so peaceful.

I dont give a flying fuck if someone dislikes me. Im popular, have a lot of friends, good family and health.

Forget about her!

Op, a couple of weeks if you hurt her feelings is one thing, but a few years. ! Really? How old is she? I wouldn’t bother with her, go and find some real friends.

I’ve got one at the moment, I started a new job, she was the only female in a company of 40 men. Now there are two of us and she’s changing her voice to a whisper when I enter the room, sharing food with all but me, ignoring me in meetings.

Some people just have problems. Their problems are not yours. Ignore her rudeness & don’t feed her ego.

The fact she could forgive you when it suited her only to drop you again demonstrates it’s her not you.

She could also enjoy the power she has over you too

I'd be more annoyed I'd just been used than the fact she didn't like me!
At least you know what to say when the next project comes up!
I don't really care if someone irrationally does not like me. There's people I don't like too!

Honestly it used to bother me immensely.
Make me feel I was horrible because a certain school mum didn't like me. I get really upset and think "If only I knew what'd I'd done
However I can now honestly put my hand on my heart and say "Frankly my Dear I don't give a damn". You can't win 'em all.
Plus I'm not particularly head over heels in love with them either, so There's no love lost
I can't say what happened to change me.
I know I took years to grow into myself.
I guess I just grew up and learned that who doesn't like me is the least of my worries

Thanks all - really interested to read your comments.

Today, I received a message from this woman that was meant for someone else - it was nasty about me and I hope she is embarrassed.

Anyway, I have decided to forget about her and move on.

Apparently, she was a bully at school and went on to be a bully at work. Seems to be the pattern of behaviour for her.

She may have sent it deliberately - accidentally on purpose. She sounds like an arsehole. She’s still a bully and not worth a moment of your thought or time. Pathetic really.

Rise above it! Why should her petty bullshit need to oppress others bring your emotional state down? Don’t give her any power.

and I’d be tempted to text back ‘oh dear, how embarrassing for you! ‘

I don't see how you could be friends with someone who throws a tantrum because you dared to question an idea they have. I'd say you're better off without her.

As for what I feel if someone dislikes me. I normally start off feeling a bit hurt and question why, but invariably shrug it off as one of those things. We all have people we don't like. In most cases I realise I'm not so keen on the ones I suspect don't like me anyhow.

Accidentally my arse, she sent that deliberately. I'd not react, it kills people when they don't get a rise out of someone. Ignore ignore ignore. And move on. The way she used you when it suited her would be enough for me to think that she's not someone I'd want to be friends with anyway.

I’ve been thinking about this this morning as I’ve got this situation at work . It’s a senior colleague in a different profession but one that works extremely closely to my team.

I snapped at him about a year ago, in response to him snapping at me, and he’s been off with me ever since. The time for apologies is long gone but it’s niggling at me.

He’s very prolific on social media and follows every member of my team - except me, the petty twat. A FB friend request was ignored even though he’s ‘friends’ with just about everyone in our organisation from cleaners through to CEO.

I sponsored him for a charity event and just drove past it so stopped the car and wished him luck. I’m not expecting him to change though.

I’m the sort that likes to move on from things so share your pain OP, I haven’t heard him slagging me off but I bet he does.

Send back a smiley face.

How do you know it's about you?

Mean girl, now a mean woman.
I don't think you should do her any more favours. She won't do you any that's for sure, she's proven that.

Send back a smiley face. Yes!

Or this.

Thanks all - yes, I expect she sent the message deliberately.

Persephone that guy sounds ridiculous and infantile

Being disliked doesn't bother me in the least. I certainly don't like everyone I encounter, so it would be very unreasonable to think everyone I meet likes me. Plus I'm more interested in whether I like a new acquaintance -- after all, I can't control someone else's response to me.

As a pp said, surely the issue here is not so much that this person dislikes you, which is neither here not there, but that she has used you quite blatantly?

And were you ever actually 'friends'? You say she runs a group activity, and threw you out when you disagreed on a project, and then (some time later?) asked you to work on something with her, which you wrongly construed as an olive branch, which it wasn't. This sounds more like 'administrator of a shared activity group who is happy to pick your brains when needed', rather than a friend.

I'm more worried about your boundaries. There was obviously no need to be actively unpleasant in response to her asking you to work on something with her, but you could have politely refused, and allowed her to deal with the consequences of having thrown you out of the group.

All your people-pleasing ways have taught her is that her actions don't have consequences, and that she can behave as high-handedly as she likes and you'll still come running back.

Work on your self-esteem, OP. Why is your post still all sad and embarrassed about her disliking you, rather than what you think of her?

Hi Jinny - you are absolutely correct.

She uses people but I won't be used again.

I've just downloaded a book about improving self esteem - might be useful.

12 years ago I fell out with best friend. Today I saw on FB that her and the other two friends of our group had a weekend together. It was a punch in the guts.

12 years on and her feelings towards me mean I'm still getting excluded from events with two other people I'm still friends with.

I've cried twice today and feel utterly shit.

Aw Dappled - that must hurt like hell. But if she rejected you, then she can get to fuck: you’re losing nothing. She was obviously only ever meant to be temporary.

Plan something lovely with a couple of friends yourself (the same ones or different, doesn’t matter) and pour loving energy towards your life now.