Dd1 stole beads wwyd

[Queenofthedrivensnow]

I found 5 Little plastic beads in dd1 (8) pocket. They are from hobbycraft. I've tried to estimate the cash Value from the website it's less than a pound. We have been there today. When I found them dd1 got a big lecture. She was very ashamed. She's lost her iPad today and was sent to sit alone and do homework. She did it all and has been helpful and compliant all day.

This is very unusual behaviour for her. I could stop off there tomorrow and make her return them. I've never had to do anything like this before but I'm prepared to do it.

I'm very torn. Dd1 is the rule keeper of the family. Apart from dithering getting dressed she's very well behaved.

Wwyd?

Has she admitted she did it? And did she say why?

Admitted it straight away. Said that she's just a magpie I said that's not an excuse. One thing dd1 is rubbish at its saying the right thing when she's in trouble she really can't talk her way out of anything

Honestly I would leave it. Put the beads in the bin and move on. She’s ashamed, you’ve punished her, 8 yos do silly things.

But Please don’t use homework as a punishment!

Totally agree with thecrow

@TheCrowFromBelow I never have before! I started with go and get on with her AR book but she's finished it. She had to organise all the dvds too

You could take her there and get her to give them to the person on the till, you pave the way by saying X has got something to give back to you, they will be very good about it. Then praise her for doing the right thing, ask her if she is going to do that again, then when she says no, say then we’ll put it behind us shall we and give her a hug.

@LightDrizzle that's kind of what I envisioned happening if i did do it

I would return them. Putting them in the bin gives entirely the wrong message.

Does she get pocket money? So could she have bought them if she had decided to?

@MrsTerryPratchett they are sitting on the hall table just now. She doesn't get pocket money

I'd just leave it now. My daughter did something similar when she was about six, stole a book from school, smuggled it out in her pinafore ffs, we returned it the next day, she was very ashamed and admitted it straight away.

We'd clearly have bought her the book if she wanted it, it seemed an impulsive act, and from what I know, she's never stolen before or since. We didn't punish her, but I think the fact her dad and I were so shocked, and explained to her calmly why it wasn't ok, she got the message.

As such, I'd leave it be now. She likely did it impulsively and has learned her lesson.

I stole something once worth 15p (but over 30 years ago so similar value). Mum made me take it back and apologise and pay. It was awful and I have never stolen since!

I would help her to return them tomorrow then let it go.

DS2 was a magpie when he was younger and once took an item from school. I could have binned it and let it go after telling him off, but the message seemed to be reinforced much more by having to return the item.

Isn’t that a bit much? It is such a small issue. What if their reaction isn’t as above - it could undermine what’s happened today.
If she’s apologised (and it sounds like she’s made amends with the DVDs etc) then I would just do the don’t do it again and a hug now rather than make it a performance at the shop.

Return them tomorrow would be the good thing to do.. Happened to me but I didn't intentionally steal I had a lolly pop in my hand and forgot to tell my mum and once outside she saw it in my hand and made me return it. Never did I make that mistake again.

About a year ago my DD had bought herself a fancy box in one of our local charity shops.
When we got home I found a small teddy bear in the tin. I asked her about it and she said she had wanted that too, and hidden it.
We went straight back and she had to hand it over and apologise.
She was about 5 at the time but she knew full well she was in the wrong.
She's never done anything like it since, and as soon as it was returned that was the end of the matter.

I’d make her take them back and apologise. You might have to be careful they’re not too nice to her though.

It sounds like you’ve punished her today, so to make her take them back tomorrow would be punishing her for the same misdeed again, which seems a bit much for an 8 year old.

I’d bin the beads (out of her sight) and then tell her later in the week that I’d returned them to the shop. I’d say the woman/man at the shop was happy to have them back, you had a chat about how DD won’t do it again, and they are pleased that DD has learnt it is wrong to take things.

I think getting her to take it back to the shop would have been good if you’d thought of it immediately. But seems too much on top of being punished already - she must have had a sad day today and is likely feeling more than guilty enough as it is.

I had this issue with my 8 year old DS except I realised he had them when we were about 10 paces outside the door ..... I marched him back in, made him return them to the lady on the till and apologise. He was so ashamed and embarrassed hopefully he’s learned a lesson

However, if we’d made it home before I realised I don’t think I’d have taken him back - I’d have issued a punishment at home and taken the beads away

I disagree it's such a small issue. It's theft, albeit of a low value item. Making her return them will be a big deterrent.

DS1 stole something and I asked him to return it and apologise. He was gutted, they were very nice about it and he said that made it worse. I'm not saying it will work for everyone, but having to face the consequences of your actions is better than a punishment for the first offence, imo.

I’m not saying to tell her it’s a small thing! Theft isn’t a small issue and she’s been punished. She is ashamed. She has faced the consequences.
I think making her take them back would have been the best course at the time, but to run this into 2 days is just a bit much.

@TheCrowFromBelow I think that's where I am now. It feels a bit overkill. They were in her pocket didn't notice until we got home and we had made several other stops since.

I feel like it's also a supervision issue and I should have watched her more closely. She won't be strolling around on her own in shops for a while.

Isn’t that a bit much? It is such a small issue.

No it's not. I'm a huge fan of natural consequences. Unrelated punishments to let them know the parent is upset are one thing. But natural consequences, where they actually deal with the consequences of their own actions, are far more effective. In real life we face up to the people we have done something to. She stole from the shop, she returns the things to the shop.

At least IMO. But I wouldn't have bothered with all the other punishments.

The problem with taking them back is that you are entirely in the hands of the person who you get to see. They might not deal with it at all well and undo the good work you have done.

To be honest I’d tell her you are going to post them back (so she knows they have value and need to be returned). Then I’d bin them without her knowing. Does she have any money of her own? Does she get a regular treat. I’d get her to give a few pounds of her own money to a good cause. Or forego the next treat (if it’s soon) and donate that money.

Keep an eye and I’d mention it again to her (kindly) in a week to check she still understands it was wrong.