Wwyd school mum blanking me

[speculooss]

My dd goes to a very small school. There’s 14 dc in her class. One of the mums has for the last few months taken to completely blanking me, any hellos or morning she just acts like she hasn’t seen me. Previously I’d assumed it was me being paranoid but today I went up to her and said hello and she blanked me and walked off and then did a super over the top hug to someone else.

Anyway Im quite a soft person and it’s left me feeling a bit anxious as to why she’s blanking me and what I should do about it, she’s our class representative and recently been made chair of the parent association for the school so I’m feeling super awkward about it all. I can’t think of anything I’ve done. I’m a bit worried it will spill out onto my dc eventually tbh as it’s such a small school and she has on a couple of occasions walked past me and dc. My dc is a massive softy as well so I don’t think there’s a problem there.

I have no idea how to deal with this or if I should just ignore it. She has a dc in an older year and seems nice enough to everyone else. Basically I think what I’m trying to say is should I do anything or just accept that she’s decided she doesn’t want to say hello to me anymore??

Hugo's story is interesting. Do you think she was a bit jealous of you Hugo? it's just that the people I'm thinking of (in my post above) are quite arbitrary. They're very nice to the people they see as "worth it" or the friends of the people they see as "worth it" because they don't want to be grassed up as being horrible but those they see as not being connected in any way, well they're fair game to be ignored or be downright rude towards.

This so common that Sharon Hogan of Catastrophe fame wrote a comedy called Motherland about it. Watch it on iplayer, they repeated it recently ahead I assume of a second series. When it happened to me (I was the Anna Maxwell Martins character ) I just used to smile sweetly at the alpha mums regardless of response. I found that whilst I would be blanked at the school gate, amongst the People even less Like Us eg in the supermarket I would get an acknowledgement, even be bestowed a chat sometimes. It went on through school, woe betide that my DD would be above hers academically (she still stops me in the street to ask what she is doing, they are 26!). It emerged around Year 4 to even those of us parents who were entirely out of the loop that the in crowd had been up to all sorts of shenanigans, if you wrote a book about it (and I have thought about it ) nobody would believe you. No murders or deaths but otherwise pretty every other soap opera trope going.

As others have said their problem, their sad lives, not yours.

Oh god I have had this for years! One and off with one of two from every year. There is a truth in the old saying there is a rotten apple in every cart. You have just found your rotten apple at least she exposed herself relatively early on and saved you from going through the hell of making friends with the bad apple and then trying to extract yourself with damage limitation.

Every mother will have marked her card, and although she will have weaved a coven of yes people with low self self worth you now know what they are like.

Make some nice normal friends, and ignore her or do the cheery morning xxx at full volume. DO NOT take it personally whatever you do. She will be like this with lots of people.

On and off

Well she’s just fucking rude. To completely blank someone saying hello and then go and hug someone else is just utterly classless.

Stop worrying about how you can get her to like you. If I were you I’d be judging her on her total lack of manners and social etiquette.

There was a thread a couple of years ago which opened by asking, if you ignore people would you be prepared to come on and tell us why?

A poster came on to the thread and said it was because she felt like it. I was dying to ask her but based on what? Whether the ignoree looked meek that day, or fat, or the wrong skin/hair colour, or didn't have the right accent/car/address or, if we were being a honest, on an anonymous forum, the ignoree was looking a bit too good or was a bit too nice and they were a teeny bit jealous?

Or whether the ignorer was just in a bad mood that day and felt like ignoring some people? (But not everyone, that would make it all too easy to explain.) Oh dear. I can't get the image of Lucy Punch in Motherland out of my head. They got that just right. And the fact that everyone else knew she was a cow, but was scared of her.

Cross post Emily.

Ime its not the alpha mums that ignore. Maybe its shyness/awkwardness still no excuse in an adult woman.

There was a mum like this at our school and it upset me initially, but people like that end up falling out with every Tom, Dick or Harry eventually so then i knew it was her not me!

I’m not talking about shyness or awkwardness KERALA. I can tell the difference between someone who is game-playing and someone who is depressed or distracted or just plain shy.

I think the OP was quite clear in explanation that this person quite clearly ignored her, then elaborately hugged the person next to her.

First rule of a bully: you must make the victim feel it’s in their imagination. Or that they’re being over-sensitive. Or that no-one else sees it.

Let’s not pretend it doesn’t happen, ffs.

The one at our school was basically someone who'd never grown out of being a 14 year old class bully, but of course her dd then grew into a bully which didn't go down well with the other mums!

I have the same thing at the moment. I have no idea what I have done but said woman looks like she wants to kill me whenever I'm nearby. I have come to the conclusion that she's odd so say a cheery 'hello" every time I see her but don't actually have a conversation with her. It's just enough to make it clear I'm not lowering myself to her odd behaviour and but not gushing and vying for her attention. She's just another odd ball.

Carry on smiling and saying hello and pretend to be oblivious. It's hard to prove slights like this with a Queen Bee. I had one such mum be rude to me on a few school Facebook group comments, she also blanked me in the playground. Eventually I politely confronted her when she was being rude and commandeering and upsetting other mums about something she was organising. Since the confrontation she ignored my child's party invitation, didn't invite my daughter to her child's party, is rude to me and my children at every opportunity, wildly exaggerating anything she can as a perceived slight. The worst bit is the way she treats my child. At a party recently she was giving out cakes and stopped once she got to my child. When my child was hurt at a party she made an obvious sarcastic comment about it being a shame. Many things like this. Nearly all the other mums have backed me up thankfully, but frustratingly, only behind my back. They are nearly all friendly with her to her face unless she blanks them too for one reason or another. I think they are just trying to protect themselves and their children from her wrath because they've seen it firsthand many times.

It's still secondary school. Except it isn't. She's an adult and needs to grow up.

Ignore her.

@notimaginingit I don't think so, can't imagine what she'd be jealous of, I'm just like any other Mum dropping off DC to nursery lol. Don't get me wrong I'm not one to stand & make small talk with people but I'm always courteous enough to give another Mum a hello or smile if we're in the coat room sorting DC out at the same time. Can't stand ignorant people.

There was one like this when DD was in primary school. We used to wait in the school playground until the children came out. Sometimes I'd be early if I'd come straight from work.

Snotty woman would come up and talk to me until someone better came along. Her eyes would be darting around and when she spotted someone higher up the pecking order she would just walk off mid sentence.

She would also thinking nothing of breaking up someone else's conversation to butt in and take over talking to the person she liked.

Blasted woman also reversed into me without looking behind her. She had a couple of other children in her car at the time who were terrified. Luckily no damage on my car though hers was scratched. I just looked her up and down. She couldn't wait to get back in her car and rush off.

I totally echo Emily and Notimaginingit.

My dcs are in Secondary now so I've been a bit reflective on my Primary years recently.

I started off all similes and enthusiastic, friendly (maybe too much?). Because I was considered 'not local' (it seems this means that 4 generations of your family live in the same street and all attended this same Primary school!) I was blanked quite a bit.
Over the years I had a few friends. I learned to just not engage too much. I did my own thing. Chatted when approached, approached others when I needed to ask something...but nothing was very meaningful.

Competitive parenting was hilarious. Our school was a 2 form entry. I remember one Mum (who used to blank me) put around a HUGE rumour that the 2 classes were actually streams and were settled for intelligence ( of course her ds was in the clever class). The rumour got so bad and so bitchy that the teachers were informed and an official letter had to go out to dispell this woman's rumour. She still maintained her stance though - she say "well of course they have to say that but I know different". It was unbelievable. I did find I bonded with a few other mums over that.

The Morherland comedy is so true.

I also invited a mum round with her 2 dd's who's moved next door to me and we're at my School. We had (I thought) a nice afternoon with coffee and cake and a few laughs. From that day in fir the next 4 years the woman completely blanked me.

I'm 47 now and I just realise that some people will just simply not like you and that's ok. It doesn't mean you're unlikable.

I'd say a cheery hello every day and if she ignores you look concerned and ask if she is OK, especially if you have an audience.
Find some PTA/class rep questions to ask so she has to answer.

Oh wow all these tales of the playground. I’m clearly a novice
Thanks for the lovely replies, I am feeling much better about going back later!

Mine went to our local nursery. It was an area which was populated by people of a certain race and religion. The nursery was run by someone of the same race/religion.

There was a group of mums (virtually all of them) who would congregate in the car park after drop off.

The first day I tried to say hello but it was made perfectly clear that I was never going to be in the group.

I used to drop and go because I had work.

On one occasion I was queuing to sign DC in when the woman in front said quite loudly to the owner that wouldnt it be a good idea if they made the nursery exclusively for people of the race and religion and got rid of those that were outsiders.

I knew it was directed at me.

The look on her face when I agreed with her. I think it was only then that it dawned on her I was the same race/religion as her just a little bit mixed.

They still wouldn't talk to me but I know my ears were burning.

I used to have my own little victories.

I used to invite all the nursery to DD or ds's birthday parties just to hear them grovel their apologies and excuses as to why they couldn't come.

DD and ds didnt miss out they had so many friends outside of nursery to come to their party and always had friends in nursery. Just the parents who behaved dreadfully

We don't like her OP, we like you. Head held high and focus on all the other mums that do say hi 🤗

Oliversmummy I'm totally at your story. Wtf? What did the nursery owner say at that pure-blood request?

We've got a trio who not only blank people but stand in the playground, right near the gates so you HAVE to walk past them, slagging the other parents off. It's vile and their kids are starting to learn from their parents too and it's going to be horrific further up the age ranges.

I've taken to wearing headphones to do the school run (therefore I get judged as a headphone wearing child ignoring bad parent) - they're not actually connected to bluetooth but it just means I can pretend to be utterly oblivious to their nonsense so they leave me out of it as they assume I can't hear them and therefore slagging me off is pointless.

It's horrid. Got to the point I dread every school run because of these women at the moment. They'll do a repeat of last year where they slagged off the wrong person in their earshot, it all blew up and they'll send their fellas to do the school run for the next fortnight because they're basically all bluster and no bravado.

Don't waste headspace on people like her. I bet you're lovely but don't waste that on her.
I had one like this, in last year of nursery. She'd chat to me, invite my dd over to play with hers. I had coffee at hers, i took baked goodies over, her kids played at mine with dd. She came in for cuppa after etc. Then, when school started i said hi and she totally blanked me! That was reception year.
Only in year 4 did she bother looking my way and by that point, i had a busy life and cba so ignored her.
Weird, but life never stands still.
My dd has started year7 and it's fab....i don't see the ps parents anymore 😀

My youngest has too kemer. I love it!