Wwyd school mum blanking me

[speculooss]

My dd goes to a very small school. There’s 14 dc in her class. One of the mums has for the last few months taken to completely blanking me, any hellos or morning she just acts like she hasn’t seen me. Previously I’d assumed it was me being paranoid but today I went up to her and said hello and she blanked me and walked off and then did a super over the top hug to someone else.

Anyway Im quite a soft person and it’s left me feeling a bit anxious as to why she’s blanking me and what I should do about it, she’s our class representative and recently been made chair of the parent association for the school so I’m feeling super awkward about it all. I can’t think of anything I’ve done. I’m a bit worried it will spill out onto my dc eventually tbh as it’s such a small school and she has on a couple of occasions walked past me and dc. My dc is a massive softy as well so I don’t think there’s a problem there.

I have no idea how to deal with this or if I should just ignore it. She has a dc in an older year and seems nice enough to everyone else. Basically I think what I’m trying to say is should I do anything or just accept that she’s decided she doesn’t want to say hello to me anymore??

Ignore her, who wants to be friends with a complete wanker?

You are better than that.

She's a queen bee. Steer clear of grown women who act like teenagers.
Who the flip cares who she is? She is NOT all powerful. Only your reaction (trying to make friends), makes her strong.

You already know enough about her to know that she's not worth knowing.

I had similar, also in a small class. Our DC are good friends which made it worse.

I just kept on saying “Morning X” every single day as if nothing was wrong.

She was also a PTA mum so occasionally I’d ask her something about events she was organising (but only if she was standing still so she couldn’t just walk off and had to reply).

Now she says “morning” back and we have occasional chat, so I don’t feel there’s such an issue. I still feel really confused by her behaviour.

Just rise above it and ignore her. She's not worth your time.

Honestly people like this make me rage though. You see each other in that playground every day for at least 7 years and you can't muster a polite hello? It's like school bullies all over again. Focus on the nice people and don't give her the headspace.

Thanks for the replies I know it’s silly but I’m so glad I’m not the only one!
I’m not trying to be friends with her but I am also miffed at why she’s started blanking me in the last few months.
But the advice here is good, I will let it go, and the queen bee effect is definitely happening. When some of the other mums are near her they too ignore me now and I’m starting to dread seeing anyone but I think I do just need to be a bit more strong myself.

Ignore her. Act like she’s invisible. Don’t make any effort with her whatsoever. Don’t be horrible, just have no reaction. She sounds utterly pathetic and childish and this sort of behaviour on her part is ridiculous.

She’s not important, she’s an arsehole. It’s not you, it’s her.

Please try not to let her get to you though I know it’s easier said than done IRL.

@user1484830599 I was bullied at school and it really does bring back memories of people just blanking you in order to make you feel small. I think I will have to work on not being too sensitive over this! I normally avoid all situations like this but the school isn’t something I can get out of and dc only in reception so years left ahhhh!

Do you know her name? Loudly say “Good morning X” so others can hear. If she tries pretending she didn’t hear, repeat. She wouldn’t dare be so rude when others are witnessing it. And if she is, you can do an exaggerated open mouth and to the nearest person... what on Earth?

I’d then catch the teacher and ask how you can volunteer for Y, as the class rep just walked off and refused to talk to you for some reason.

Pity her! She is trying to be "Queen Bee" in a children's playground by trying to isolate you - gosh, her life must be a bit sad if that's so important to her. Let her have her little "playground empire" if that makes her happy. But don't give her another thought, she really is meaningless in your life. And in another few years your children will be in secondary school and you'll never lay eyes on her again!

She is stonewalling you which is an abusive act. She is getting a kick out of making you feel bad. The only way to deal with people like this is to get them out of your life as much as possible. So don’t say hello to her. Just go about your day. She doesn’t matter. What matters is you and your dc.
You describe yourself and your dc as ‘softies’. I take that to mean that you are nice non-abusive people who see the good in people and that’s great. But being soft doesn’t not mean that you can’t set boundaries for how you expect others to treat you. This could be an opportunity to model to your dc that it is ok to not like someone who is mean to you. You value yourself so you are not going to engage with that person. If they ask questions about her explain it to them that way. So that when they come across this behaviour in life they will not feel like they have to people please and be liked and allow people to be mean them. They will have the confidence to say “if you don’t like me then that’s fine. I am a nice person and I won’t let you change me or be mean to me. I will walk away and get on with my life with good people.

Haha @ektomarie unfortunately I play a part in my own demise, I am not brave enough to do that. I will just imagine I might do it thought next time I see her. I will definitely stop making an effort to say hi.
There’s an assembly I have to go to this afternoon so I’ll take with me the tips on here

She's an idiot. Don't let her get to you. She's game playing. Just be your lovely self to everyone else

@happygirly1 thank you, unfortunately another 6 years
There is definitely some kind of playground empire going on. I love that term btw. That’s is going to make me chuckle now when I go along to school later to witness who’s who in it...

Don't get worked up over this, it's not worth it. I get that it's confusing and a little upsetting but it's not important. There's 2 mums in my daughter's class that won't say hi to me. They've been in the same class for 2 years and they are the only 2 I have never spoken to. I've smiled and said hi but they look away and when all in a group they wont make eye contact with me, but are over the top chatty with everyone else. But I guess in the grand scheme of things it's not important and I don't care.

@CrimsonFootstool I think I mean softy in that way as in I would hate to think I’ve made someone feel bad like that.

I came on here wondering if there was something I could do to help the situation change but the advice on here is helping me realise it’s probably something I need to let go of and make sure I don’t end up feeding the situation even more.

She is a twat. Ignore her right back. Don’t give her headspace.

Yea just pretend she is invisible. It will feel weird at first but it is very empowering. This has happened to me and the amazing thing is when you ignore these people and walk past as if they are a ghost, they soon want to talk to you!

Ha! When I was little, the haughty, county-set woman from the big farm was ignoring my little friend (not posh) in the village shop. It wasn’t self-service so everyone used to queue and it was the centre of village gossip. With the straightforwardness of children, my friend piped up exasperated “Why aren’t you talking back to me Mrs Stanley? I said hello! You are being very rude!” To which the woman had to cave and say “Oh I’m sorry Michelle! I didn’t see you there!” It was the delight of the village for weeks apparently.
It’s so depressing that people still behave like this into adulthood, shame on the other mums who are spinelessly following her lead. I’d continue issuing a bright “Morning!” and totally ignore her lack of response. Keep up good relations with the rest if you can but fuck ‘em if they persist in getting snotty too.
Focus on the nicest mums.

I would go with a cheery "Good morning, Susan!" in the tone you would use to someone who is hard-of-hearing and possibly confused. Then pay no more attention to her.

It's horrible though, and annoying to deal with this shite over the age of 8.

Don't get involved... And try not to give her power over you. You are in control of that. X

There's a mum at DS nursery that behaves like this towards me, can never muster a hello, a smile or even a nod when we are in close proximity. I don't know her outside of nursery, so could never understand her behaviour. One day I went to my eyebrow appointment and realised she had started working In the salon. Again no acknowledgement, just a filthy look. A few months later I mentioned to my eyebrow lady that the new girls DS was in my DS class at nursery, she then disclosed that she no longer worked there due to her abrupt rude attitude & lack of people skills- Point is some people are just rude, so try not to think it's about you as it's probably just how that person behaves in general!

The mumsnet stock phrase of "Did you mean to be so rude..." comes to mind here.

But, honestly not worth the effort

Hi speculoos, I've experienced this. I just do not understand how or why adult women have to be this way; I think crimson's advice is particularly good, but everyone on the thread is being lovely and supportive.

In my case I to this day have no idea why these (3 women in particular) behaved the way they did. If you're a person who doesn't have an agenda, who doesn't go around scheming or plotting as to how you're going to get where, or maintain your position in the high-flying, cut-throat world of playground politics, it is truly bewildering.

We're now out of the situation and I've never been more relieved, but it has made me want to understand or read more about group dynamics. Particularly where groups of women are concerned. I consider myself a feminist and find depressing that we still have to have this behaviour.

What kind of personality disorder is it when you get a kick out of making someone feel rubbish, just for the sake of it? They're so clever how they do it too, aren't they? Making sure it is just subtle enough to be passed off as your imagination if anyone was to notice it, or care enough to pull them on it.

When you say you're a softie it makes me wonder if these people have a radar and know who they can behave this way with. Is it body language they pick up on?

Don't let it upset you I have had this with a weirdo woman. I had quite an indepth chat with her and her (very nice and normal) husband at a party cannot remember anything controversial was said and he is always cheery. She said hello for a bit then started totally blanking me. Looked the other way when I was coming etc. I know I am a lovely and perfect person so concluded she was a complete weirdo with zero social skills. Turned out she had done this to a few of my friends too. Some people are odd, move on OP.