What do I do about feeding DD1?

[KitKat1985]

Possibly I should post this in the special needs section, but those boards seem so quiet at the moment. DD1 is 4. She is under the special needs service and has delays in language, social skills, etc, and awaiting to see a paediatrician for an assessment for ASD (and from what is being fed back to me, will probably get a diagnosis of autism).

She has always being fussy with food, but the past few months dinners have gotten harder and harder. Lunches aren't too bad as she will eat ham or cheese sandwiches, fruit, cucumber / carrot sticks, raisins, cheese triangles, crisps, flapjacks etc. It's a bit repetitive but okay food. Dinners are harder though. She only will eat very plain food, and won't eat anything with sauce etc on. The only things I can cook for her that she will reliably eat are plain pizza (no toppings), chicken nuggets, fish fingers and sausages. The only side dishes she will normally eat with these are chips, carrots, green beans and cucumber sticks.

I've tried offering other foods like pasta dishes, curries, rice dishes, roast dinner etc but she won't eat them, no matter how much nagging or bribes I try. So essentially I either serve her the above options, or she doesn't eat.

Part of me wants to just give up now and just offer her what she will eat and part of me thinks I should just go with a 'eat it or go without approach'. To make it harder she has a younger sister (nearly 2) who is actually a very good eater and eats a wide variety of foods, but will get jealous and if her sister has fish fingers etc and she has something different, so they have to have the same meals really.

WWYD?

Would she eat plain pasta? My ds has it with grated cheese and sliced up bits of ham as he doesn't like sauces either

Would she eat plain boiled rice as an alternative to chips?

No, I've tried both of those Demented, and she won't eat them either.

I'd give her what she will eat (it might be repetitive and it bit boring but she's got meat/carbs/fruit and veg.

I'd feed her sister what you are having though and maybe give her a small side plate of the same in case she wants to try?

The SEN board maybe a better place to post but I would go for offering whatever else the family is having with food on the plate that she will eat. Also give vitamins.

Ask GP for a referral to a dietitian. Make ask HV for advice too.

Feed her what she'll eat.
Its a long and lonely battle otherwise, that you have no hope of winning.
What she's currently eating isn't too bad, it's fairly varied and reasonably healthy. I'd just make sure it's good quality (ie chicken breast nuggets rather than reformed chicken etc) and let her get on with it.
Can you give the younger one some of everything? So, if you're having curry, and dd is having nuggets, give the younger one curry with rice and a side of a nugget and a few chips? Then she's getting a varied diet but also the same as her sister, so should save hassle.

I think you're being harsh on yourself here OP. What you have listed is far more variety than a lot of children will eat. Kudos to you for getting so much veg on the menu (I struggle with my DSC 7 and 3. Repetition IMO opinion is fine so long as it's somewhat nutritious and filling. I've learnt to pick my battles when it comes to food. I have no experience with children with ASD ect. But would offering rewards for even trying a mouthful of new food work? We have a star chart and trying new foods is one star they can achieve. It's taken a few months but the older one in particular now sort of sets herself the challenge at least once per week.

Be kind to yourself OP. Sounds like you're doing a fab job!

She's under various services and HV etc.

To be honest I'm at the point that I would just give her food that she will eat, but I feel a bit sorry for her younger sister (DD2) if I make her eat what we are having, because although she will quite happily eat it normally, if she sees DD1 eating chicken nuggets etc she will get upset that it's not what she's having, so it feels like I can't win!

That's a good idea Whitelisbon about giving DD2 a bit of what we're having and a bit of what DD1 is having.

Like strawberry says, give her what she'll eat, give DD2 the same as you (most of the time), and give her a little bit of something new but with zero pressure. Try gradual changes too - potato wedges alongside chips, if she goes with them eventually then baked potato and so on. Chicken goujons alongside nuggets, then fish goujons, breaded fish (or breaded fish cut into fingers)... Similar but a bit different and maybe eventually you'll get to much different without her noticing.
She won't necessarily stay this limited.

If it was me I would give (slightly odd but who cares) meals with say a bit of sausage and a few chips AND a small bit of a more healthy meal to both children. That way you are continuing to give your other child a range of food and the opportunity to your ASD daughter, whilst ensuring she won’t starve. Would prob work best if you batch cook so can defrost small amounts at a time of the ‘healthy’ part. Would that work?

My ds has graduated to little roasted potato cubes when he would normally only eat fried. Tesco sell them

Should be fries there

Would she eat her regular food if you put something else on the same plate that she doesn't eat? If yes I'd carry on feeding her meal with some things that she'll definitely eat and then something she wouldn't normally eat that generally fit the type of thing she does eat. So maybe some potato wedges alongside the chips or over veg alongside the carrots and green beans.

I find ds (nearly 2) I have to put things on his plate 2 or 3 times before he is comfortable trying them.

Ds likes these

That's a good idea too about giving DD1 a bit of our meal too (although I hold out little hope by now that she will try it)!

Thanks Demented I'll try those.

We have a similar issue at home, so I don’t plate up their food. Instead I have everything on the table and they help themselves. Your younger DD might take a bit of everything, whilst your older DD would just take what she likes. Maybe one day she’ll try the other things too. Just leave her to it.

I think it’s so long as you offer varied and healthy foods alongside what she likes it’s fine.

Something that worked for my dc (no sn so apologies if this is way off course) was to take the focus off the food onto the cutlery and table manners.

They each had a little pot, every time they used their knife or fork correctly, they got a button. It took the focus completely away from the food and took the pressure off. This along with the bits of each meal on their plates might work.

If she likes potato then have you tried home made potato wedges done in the oven as a change from the chips? Maybe roast or jacket potato? Or as someone else suggested pasta with no sauce for her.
White fish with no sauce rather than fish fingers? Sauce separately for others if wanted? Could cut it into fingers. Not sure about meat as we don’t cook or eat it at home but if she likes ham how about gammon? Try either thin slices like ham or finger shapes?
Veg, at least she eats some! I’d just keep offering a variety including some you know she likes and try varying cooking methods and shape they are cut into.
Have you tried putting the food into bowls in the centre of the table and letting them help / choose themselves so you could include some things she likes and some she doesn’t but DD2 still does so that she could chose a limited range but that might not stop DD2 eating all of it?

Some good suggestions here to try thank you.

I think that you're doing brilliantly.
Our DGC's have no special needs nor are fussy eaters but at that age they wouldn't touch half of what you have persisted with trying.
She's obviously getting all of the nutrients she requires so well done you.You seem like a great mum (and far more patient than I could ever be)

I just give my ds what he will eat. He can't cope with food he doesn't like any where near him. But we do always talk about him trying new foods and he does sometimes get involved with cooking but so far he is not eating anything new. I think he will always be like this when it comes to food. Seeing a dietitian can be helpful.

I was told for years off HV's, nurses, paeds that DD would eat when she was hungry (GDD no other issues as of yet) which was a load of bollocks.

I pick my battles, a couple of years on she's slightly better but has refused anything but plain ham for breakfast for the past week.

She has a multivitamin and funny enough eats fine and pretty much anything while at school.

For the pizzas, would she allow toppings if she added them herself? Maybe have a family pizza decorating session?