What do siblings add to your life if they are 6 plus years younger

[justwouldliketoknow]

I've missed the boat to have my dcs close together in age and so now have an older ds. Dh is trying to convince me to try for another baby. I am reluctant for a number of reasons . Dh says we should do it for ds. I'm an only and don't feel like I've missed out on anything. I also think the benefit of siblings come when they are closer in age and play together. Not sure I can see many positives for a 7yo. DH says they will have each other when older and adults

So as I have never experienced sibling relationships can you enlighten me on what they are like pls

I have three siblings, all younger, by 2, 6, and 13 years. We are all close as adults. We have now all either reached or are close to reaching retirement age. We are even planning to be geographically close to each other in retirement.

I am probably closest to the sibling 6 years younger me, as it happens. In adulthood age difference really doesn't matter much; it has more to do with shared interests and a similar outlook on life.

Nothing (6, 10, 11 and 15 year gaps between me and my siblings).

Both mine are much much younger. Sadly they've never been particularly interested in me and I've given up trying. Toxic parents though, lots of triangulation and scapegoating going on.

6 years between me and my brother.
Growing up I had someone to play with, we drifted during my/ his teenage years but came back together when I turned 21 and was pregnant with dd.

We're both close now - and he's great with my dd. He'll call me for things etc .....

More importantly - other than the age gap - do you want another child?

especially since parents died.

This has been very true for us, too.

My 3rd child is 10 years younger than my first child and 7 years younger than my second child.
They have a fabulous relationship.
They get on really well and both of the older two mothered the youngest one.

As adults, how close they are is likely to be about personality. My "close-friend" cousins these days are different to the ones I was closest to growing up--as kids, I was best friends with the ones who were a similar age to me, but as adults, those of us with similar characters, interests and politics have gravitated together, while those who have become more different as time has passed have grown apart.

There is nothing wrong with having an only child if that is what you prefer! But big age gaps seem to work fine--everyone I know who has one is really happy with it. The kids adopt slightly different "roles" in the family with the older one able to provide more help to the parents, so there is usually less fighting and drama than you get with close-age siblings, who are more likely to fight over possessions and get jealous over parental attention.

I do think that a big age gap can be tough if you are a single parent, because it can be hard to take the older one on interesting days out/holiday activities/extra-curriculars when you are busy with a toddler, but if you are a two-parent family this doesn't seem to be much of an issue--if you are on holiday or a day-out, you can split up for part of the day if an older and younger child want to do different things for a bit, and this also means you get to have some 1-1 time with each kid as well.

There is so much to benefit from having older siblings.

My sister is 13 years older than me and when I was little she was like a second mum to me. Used to take me places, play with me, so my hair etc. I was devastated when she went to uni! It's also lovely because she had twin girls when I was 14 and I have the same relationship with them as she did with me. I now have a 1 year old DS so the relationship is repeating itself now with him and the twins.

My brother is 8 years older that me and whilst we weren't overly close growing up once I hit the teenage years he became my absolute best friend and still is. He has just finished uni and moved back home. We'd stay up late talking for hours and I can tell him anything. If I was ever in trouble it would be him I'd call like a shot.

We had another sister (in between those two) who did when I was about 13, she was 24. If it wasn't for my older siblings, especially my brother, I don't know how I'd have got through loosing her.

My siblings are 7 and 8 years older than me. I'm now in n my fifties.
We got closer as we got older. I know they saw me as a great excuse to lark about and do kids' stuff when they were teenagers.

I'm as close to my siblings with the 8 and 10 year year age gaps as I am with the one that is 2 years younger than me.

As a child the younger sibling and I used to play together and the older ones did their own things, but as an adult I really value having older siblings and I am so thankful to have them. They bring a lot to my life and it's so lovely knowing that I don't have to go through any family crises alone.

We are a family who are emotionally close but geographically separated though so not in each other's pockets all the time and I will say that that helps massively as we don't annoy each other every day, but I absolutely know I can turn up on the doorstep of any one of them or call in the middle of the night and they'd be there for me. That is invaluable.

I have a 4 month old baby and a 7 and a half years old DD and I am sure they they are going to get on fine as he grows up. I didn’t intend on having such a big age gap but I am glad we did in many ways. How they will get on when my DD is a teenager may be another matter though! 😂

Age makes no difference imo. I have 2 older brothers who are 1 and 2 years older than me and we’re not close at all. See each other at Christmas maybe and have little to say to each other. Both bullied me mercilessly and affected my confidence to this day. I have a younger brother and sister who are 10 and 11 years younger than me and we’re much closer. My younger brother is one of my favourite people in the world, we’re very similar and can laugh at our crazy family. I’m so grateful my younger siblings are in my life.

Lovely thread

My sister (technically half-sister although I never call her that) is 8 years younger than me and we are very close. As a PP said, “there are certain things that only she gets.” We also have similar values and interests and just get on really well.

My brother (again technically half-brother) is 7 years younger and we are not as close just because we don’t see or contact each other as much, but I do love him and get on well with him too.

Sister and I have the same mum (who we lived with growing up) whereas brother and I have the same dad (brother lived with him) so that’s probably a factor.

My “baby” brother (28!) is my closest ally in the family, despite being 9 years younger.

I was delighted by him as a baby and toddler, fair enough we weren’t that close again until he hit his late teens. But we are very close now. I know that when we lose our parents he will be my rock.

DC1 is 12 and his little sister (DC3) is 5. He’s been great with her since she was born and she idolises him. They have a different relationship, more nurturing, than they each do with DC2, who is in the middle. I am very close to my youngest sister, who is 5 years younger than me, although we didn’t get on as older kids. The age gaps just work in different ways.

My oldest sister is 6 years older than me- but there are another 3 siblings between us.
We all played together as children but mostly we all had our own friends and interests.
Fast forward to adulthood. Our parents sadly gone.... I was widowed at a young age. THANK GOD FOR MY SIBLINGS. Along with my children, THEY ARE EVERYTHING TO ME. My emotional support, my social support- Christmas and other 'family' occasions, my occasional financial support, my practical support. I have friends too that I hate to impose on too much... but we siblings are so important to each other.
( I also have 2 DSs with age gap of 5+ years but if you don't want another baby, you mustnt be pressured into it. Obvs you know that your heart has really got to be in it, and you've been an only so know that is fine as well!)

My two have a 6 year age gap, the bond they have is something I'd never imagined. She isn't a year yet but she is so excited to see him after school. He was really caring and gentle with her when she was tiny, was old enough to help out by grabbing the things we needed and could distract her when she was at the clingy phase if we had to leave the room. Now that she's crawling they chase each other or play hide and seek. She's definitely learning quicker than he did too as she has someone to follow.

Also, forgot to say, I don't think it's any sibling's 'job' or purpose to add to someone else's life!! They exist in their own right, as their own person

I have a 6 year old and a 16 year old and the eldest absolutely adores the youngest. The youngest has autism and learning disabilities and the eldest is very protective of them. I am sure things will change as they get older and the eldest goes to university etc but they have an amazing bond and I wouldn’t change the age gap for the world. There are tons of advantages to having a large age gap - no sibling envy in the same way as when they are little, lots of extra hands to pass nappies / bottles / listen out for the baby etc, a large enough age gap that both can have lots of attention in different ways. For me personally I would have rather stuck pins in my eyes than have two little ones at the same time!

My DH is 11 years older than his DB and they are great friends, though they have quite different interests due more to different schools than age. My DDad is 10 years younger than his eldest sister and they are the closest of all his 5 siblings, same for my DMum and her younger brother (9 years).

I think the idea of two kids within 2-3 years and then done is actually quite unusual and driven by modern house sizes, childcare costs, and work patterns for mothers - in the past families were much bigger so while the gaps between each child might have been smaller, the gaps between eldest and youngest might have been 15 years or more.

To give the other side me and my sibling were 18 months apart but argued constantly. We aren't close now we're adults either. I can see why a bigger age gap might be an advantage.

So lovely to read all these positive stories! User got a 10 yr gap between num 2&3 and it’s working so well at the moment, the older 2 adore their little sister. But on here there are often dissuading women from having another with a gap! I think it was the way the op asked about it from the POV of a sibling rather than a parent maybe.

My mother has twenty years between her and her youngest sister and they get on great however she is currently barely speaking to her sister who is two years younger than her. Mam and her youngest sister now have a lovely relationship and my aunt and I are close as our children are near enough in age. Now I know that's not like the gap you are talking about OP but I think there is never a perfect age gap and family relationships are a strange thing.

I'm 17 years older! I've never lived with him, and for much of his life have been a very long distance away, but there is a sibling bond there and a connection. Despite being old enough to be his mother, we get on. It is back up in the family. Not much shared experience, but shared relationships. I'm glad he's there and he's always been pleased to have me as a sister in the background despite experiencing an only child upbringing.

Ignore the logic on this but I also have a "brother" 8 years older. We do have more shared experience. Not so much playing together unless he was doing something like teaching me rugby. We busy along in our own lives and catch up a few times a year and always get on well. It's the shared connections that help in life.

DS is 7 and a few of his peers have gained siblings in the last couple of years. They are old enough to accept the baby with some logic. DS1 found a baby quite difficult to adjust to when he was 2. They are deeply bonded and close in play and interests but there's plenty of competition and squabbling too!

Activities are probably easier with a big gap. Sometimes I can get both in (at a cost of DS1 being peeved that his uncool little brother is gatecrashing) but if not, I'm hanging around entertaining another one, trying to prevent public nuisence mode. The bigger gaps, by the time little sibling is toddling, there's less hanging around needed. They also get more 1:1 time. I find it hard to seperate mine for 1:1 sometimes, particularly as they share so many interests.