OH moaning about Mum staying with us

[namechanged777]

He's just gone back to work and I'm not healed from my c section still in pain nearly three weeks later.

So my mum offered to stay this week and I love having her here to help I have DS who is 2 and a handful I wouldn't be able to manage on my own.

He's moaning that when he comes back from work he can't relax and she talks to much. I don't know what I'm supposed to do I enjoy my mums company and love having her here and honestly feel like telling him to eff off!

You need your mum's help so tell him to F off . Nip it in the bud now.
I loathe men who are jealous of a woman's relationship with her family, especially her mum. Tosser!
Hope you're soon feeling better OP

Its his house too though so I can understand why he feels that way! Is there no way your mum can just visit during the days to help? How long is she staying?

It's difficult. Because I couldn't relax with MIL in my house. But you need her help. He needs to suck it up if it's only for a week.

I can understand what he is saying, but under the circumstances, he needs to shut up. .............................. 3 weeks is quite long to still be in pain: are you still getting visits from the midwife/ health visitor?..................... Take good care of yourself and congratulations.

Don't pay too much attention to him moaning. If you can't manag e by yourself yet then there isn't really an alternative, is there?

Some people like a bit of peace and quiet to recuperate after work, and your DH is not unreasonable to want this. However your needs trump his at the moment, so he'll just have to put up. Make it clear how you can't cope alone yet, and maybe suggest he has a few minutes rest in your bedroom when he gets in?

I do feel a bit for your DH. After a day at work he wants to come home and relax with his family.

Could your mum not just come to you in the day and go when DH gets home?

I can understand why your OH is pissed off but he is an idiot and needs to keeps his big trap shut. You have just had major surgery to deliver his second child and you also are suppose to look after his first child. How are you suppose to recover from the surgery and look after his very young children on your own while he is at work? Tell him to quit with the whining and grow up. If he doesn't want to talk to his tired MIL then when he comes back from work he needs to take over doing all the household tasks and being the primary carer for your children then he won't have any time to attempt to relax.

Is he saying she should go home, or is he just having a little moan? Maybe if you let him offload a bit, while you sympatheticly nod and pat his arm and say “I know, but it’s only for a week”, he’ll feel better. No need to turn it into a row. His viewpoint is valid, but at the end of the day , she needs to stay!

Clearly you need your mum's help and it's lovely that you enjoy having her there so much. I think maybe just say to her that dh really appreciates her help but be needs a bit of downtime himself in the evenings so perhaps you and she could give him some space once the littles are down for the night.

Is a week not a year so he needs to suck it up. I had a c section and remember thinking how would I do this if I had another to look after so I get why you need the help. In regards to pain are you taking your pain killers correctly and before you need them rather than waiting on pain to come on

Tell him it is hard to relax whilst you’re recovering from major surgery and trying to look after a newborn and a toddler!

I think you should be recovering after 3 weeks. I hope you are under some sort of medical care as that is a long time for recovery and you should not still be in pain

I'm getting there but still in pain when I over do it. I couldn't relax with my MIL here to so I get it but surely he can just suck it up. she's cooking cleaning helping with the kids I don't think I ever want her to go

So, you couldn't relax with your MIL but he MUST?? Not selfish at all.

Tell him tough - you are recovering from major surgery and the options are that he takes time off, you hire a maternity nurse or your mother stays. I was under midwife care for nearly 4 weeks because my wound was a mess and got infected - I needed help with toddler, baby and the pain I was in.

How about you do a bit of on-line browsing of childminders, day nurse, cleaners, restaurants who deliver, taxi firms etc. etc. (whatever you need in order to cover all of the jobs that your mum will cover while he is off at work) and present him with the bill. Either he pays for all of that stuff or your mum comes to stay while you recover. He is being completely unreasonable and unfair to you. I'd even consider getting myself signed back into hospital (if you can do that with the help of your GP) to recuperate as you're not recovering as fast as you'd like and your wound needs to recover over time. See how he copes then when he has to step up to the plate!

@WorriesGalore selfish?! She’s just had major surgery and needs a hand FFS

I don't think anybodies right or wrong here you need help.As a new dad you can feel massively pushed out and you are just a spare part when all you want is it to be just the 3 of you .

Signed back into hospital? Which planet?

He's not a new dad though, is he? They already have a child! Although I can understand how he might feel, in the current situation you are the one, OP, who needs to be considered more than him. I would, though, make sure that you've agreed how long your mum is going to stay - so at least he knows it's not forever! (Even if you would like here there forever )

How far away does she live?

Perhaps that's it OP. Perhaps he thinks that you'll want her to carry on after a week and that this will just be your new setup.

I'd tell him he either needs to take more time off work or suck it up

You just had major surgery, you have a newborn and a toddler so he's going to have to suck this up. He shouldn't be relaxing much at this stage as it is, if she weren't there he should step up and parent his other child and take care of the house until you recover. Relaxation takes a backseat when you have a toddler and newborn. That's just how it is.

Let him k ow that you hear him, and understand that it isn't way for him, but that it's a the only workable solution for now. He might just need a bit of a rant/vent. If he is badgering you about it repeatedly, by all means tell him to stfu. Or take some more time off work. Does your mum live close enough so she can go home for one night then come back again?